Chương 5
Noah nodded.
He ate another piece of cereal.
Then he said, "I think he looks lonely."
Claire's chest tightened.
"Maybe."
"He has a big coat."
"What does that have to do with being lonely?"
"I don't know."
She smiled despite herself.
Noah handed her the mug.
She took a piece of cereal.
"Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"Did you lie to me?"
Claire stopped chewing.
"Yes."
He looked at her.
She made herself continue.
"I told you everything I thought you needed to know. But some of it wasn't true."
"Because you didn't know?"
"Some."
"And some because you didn't want me to know?"
"Yes."
He thought about that.
"I don't like that."
"You shouldn't."
"Are you going to do it again?"
Claire looked at her son.
The easy answer would have been no.
She had already used too many easy answers.
"I'll probably make mistakes again. But I'm not going to lie to you about Ethan anymore."
Noah nodded.
Then he held out the cereal mug.
It was not forgiveness.
It was cereal.
Claire took another piece.
Across town, Ethan stood in his hotel bathroom looking at the fading outline of Claire's hand on his cheek.
His phone rang.
His father.
Ethan stared at the name.
Richard Cole rarely called after ten.
Ethan answered.
"Hello."
"Where are you?"
Ethan gripped the sink.
"Why?"
"Because your flight landed an hour ago and the driver says you never came out."
Ethan had forgotten about the driver.
"I'm staying in Washington tonight."
A pause.
"Why?"
Ethan looked at himself in the mirror.
"Did you threaten Claire Bennett when she was pregnant?"
Silence.
Not confusion.
Silence.
Ethan's fingers tightened around the phone.
Richard said, "Where did you see Claire?"
"Answer me."
"Come home."
"No."
"Ethan."
"Did you know she was pregnant?"
Another pause.
"Yes."
The room seemed to contract.
"Did Mom know?"
"Yes."
"Did you threaten her?"
"I protected you."
Ethan closed his eyes.
There were sentences that changed relationships.
Not because they revealed something entirely new, but because they confirmed the thing you had spent your life refusing to name.
"Protected me from what?"
"A disastrous marriage."
"She had my child."
"We did not know that."
"What did you think pregnant meant?"
Richard exhaled.
"She told Margaret she was considering terminating."
Ethan froze.
"What?"
"She was frightened. Confused. Your mother believed giving her options was appropriate."
"You threatened her."
"I told her that attaching herself to this family through a pregnancy would not produce the outcome she imagined."
"Did you write her a note?"
"What note?"
Ethan heard genuine irritation.
Maybe genuine confusion.
He couldn't tell anymore.
"Did you tell her accidents happen to women without resources?"
Richard was silent.
Ethan waited.
Finally his father said, "I don't remember every conversation from seven years ago."
"Six."
"What?"
"My son is six."
Richard stopped breathing for a moment.
Ethan heard it.
Then: "Son?"
Ethan sat on the closed toilet lid.
"His name is Noah."
No answer.
"He has Mom's eyes."
Richard's voice changed.
"Ethan, you need to come home."
"No."
"We should discuss this privately."
"We are."
"Not over a telephone."
"Why? Worried somebody might hear?"
"Don't be childish."
Ethan laughed quietly.
"You knew."
"We knew there was a pregnancy. Margaret told me it had been resolved."
Ethan stared at the floor.
"Resolved."
"Her word, not mine."
"Mom told you Claire had an abortion?"
"She told me Claire was no longer a concern."
Ethan's anger faltered.
Something did not fit.
His mother had hated Claire leaving.
At least that was what Ethan remembered.
Margaret had sat beside him in the library after Christmas and said, Some people simply aren't built for our lives.
At the time it had sounded compassionate.
Now it sounded rehearsed.
"Did Mom change my phone number?"
"What are you talking about?"
"My phone was stolen in London. The replacement had a different number."
"Security arranged it."
"Who told security to change it?"
"I don't remember."
"Find out."
"Ethan—"
"Find out."
He hung up.
Three minutes later he called his older sister.
Victoria answered on the fourth ring.
"If this is about Christmas dinner, I'm bringing the potatoes."
"Did Mom know Claire was pregnant?"
Silence.
Then Victoria said, "Oh."
Ethan stood.
"You knew too."
"I knew something."
"How much?"
"Not on the phone."
He almost threw his phone.
"Why does everyone in this family say that?"
"Because Dad paid the phone bill."
Ethan stopped.
Victoria's voice lowered.
"Where are you?"
"Washington."
"Is Claire there?"
"Yes."
"Is the child?"
"My son."
Victoria inhaled sharply.
"Oh, Ethan."
"Don't."
"I didn't know she had him."
"What did you know?"
"I knew Mom was sending Claire money."
Ethan sat down again.
"What money?"
"For years."
The next morning Claire woke to seventeen text messages from Ethan.
She read only the first.
I think my mother lied to both of us.
Claire sat upright.
Sarah was making coffee in the kitchen.
"You look terrible," Sarah said.
"Merry Christmas Eve to you too."
"Coffee?"
"Please."
Claire handed her the phone.
Sarah read the message.
"No."
"That's what I thought."
"No, I mean don't."
"Don't what?"
"Go digging into this."
Claire stared at her.
"Why?"
Sarah poured coffee.
"Because you got out."
"Did I?"
"Yes."
"Yesterday I slapped a man on an airplane in front of my children."
"Not your finest work."
"Thanks."
"I support you emotionally, not legally."
Claire took the coffee.
Sarah leaned against the counter.
"Claire, you spent six years building a life where Richard Cole couldn't touch you."
"And apparently Margaret Cole was sending me money."
Sarah went still.
"What?"
Claire showed her Victoria's message.
Sarah read it.
Then read it again.
"What money?"
"I don't know."
"You never got money from them."
"I know."
Sarah's face changed.
"What?"
Claire set down the mug.
After Noah's birth, anonymous cashier's checks had arrived every few months for nearly two years.
Claire had returned the first three.
The fourth had arrived when Lily's father left and Claire was three weeks behind on rent.
May you like
She had deposited it.
Then another.
