Chương 6
“Yes?”
“Did you see her face after the horse started falling?”
Robert took a breath.
“Yes.”
“She knew.”
“Yes.”
“That’s the thing.”
“I know.”
For the first time all evening, Claire believed him.
The next morning, Ethan asked whether he had school.
It was Saturday.
Claire was making pancakes.
“You know it’s Saturday.”
“I forgot.”
“You want school?”
“No.”
“Then why would you ask?”
He shrugged.
He looked tired.
Claire burned the first pancake because she was reading Vanessa’s overnight messages.
There were seven.
The tone changed from defensive to conciliatory to angry and back again.
I reacted badly.
I was embarrassed.
I should not have blamed him.
You grabbed my wrist in front of everyone.
Ryan is acting like I murdered someone.
Dad is keeping a surveillance video of me inside his house.
I want to apologize to Ethan directly.
The final message had come at 2:13 a.m.
You know I love him.
Claire read that one twice.
Ethan pointed toward the skillet.
“Mom.”
Smoke curled from the pancake.
“Damn it.”
He giggled.
Claire looked at him.
“You didn’t hear that.”
“I did.”
“You didn’t.”
“I definitely did.”
She scraped the black pancake into the trash.
It was the first time he had laughed since the dining room.
Claire turned the burner down.
“Blueberries?”
“Yes.”
“Inside or on top?”
“Both.”
“Greedy.”
“Correct.”
They ate in pajamas.
At ten, Helen called.
Claire let it ring once before answering.
“Hi, Mom.”
Helen sounded as though she had not slept.
“Can I come over?”
Claire looked toward the living room, where Ethan was lying on the rug drawing.
“Alone?”
“Yes.”
“No Vanessa.”
“No Vanessa.”
“No Dad?”
“Your father is at home making a box.”
Claire frowned.
“A box?”
“For the crystal pieces.”
“Oh.”
That was exactly the kind of task Robert would choose.
“Yes,” Claire said. “Come over.”
Helen arrived forty minutes later carrying a grocery bag.
Claire opened the door.
“What’s that?”
“Banana bread.”
“Why?”
“I made it.”
“When?”
“Six this morning.”
Claire looked into the bag.
“You made three loaves.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“That explains the quantity but not the reasoning.”
Helen gave her a tired look.
“Please don’t make fun of the bread.”
“I’m not.”
“It’s all I have.”
The sentence stopped Claire.
She stepped aside.
“Come in.”
Ethan was still on the floor.
He looked up when Helen entered.
“Hi, Grandma.”
“Hi, sweetheart.”
Helen did not move toward him.
Claire noticed.
She waited.
After a few seconds Ethan stood and came to her.
Helen hugged him carefully.
“I brought banana bread.”
“Does it have nuts?”
“No.”
“Good.”
He pulled away.
“My picture has a dragon.”
Helen looked at the paper.
“That’s a very mean-looking dragon.”
“He’s friendly.”
“He doesn’t look friendly.”
“He has social problems.”
Claire stared at Ethan.
“Where did you hear that?”
He shrugged.
Helen laughed.
For the next fifteen minutes they talked about dragons.
Nobody mentioned Vanessa.
Then Ethan asked whether the blue horse could be fixed.
Helen sat beside him on the floor.
“I don’t know.”
“It’s in lots of pieces.”
“Yes.”
“Grandpa has glue.”
Claire looked away.
Helen pressed her lips together.
“He does.”
“He glues everything.”
“That is true.”
“The chair outside.”
“Yes.”
“The Christmas angel.”
“Yes.”
“Your sunglasses.”
Helen laughed again.
“Yes.”
“Maybe he can fix it.”
“Maybe some of it.”
Ethan colored one of the dragon’s wings.
“Tell him I’m sorry it broke.”
Helen’s face changed.
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“I liked it.”
“I know.”
He looked up.
“I didn’t break it.”
“No.”
The words were still necessary.
Claire understood that now.
He would keep checking.
Maybe for days.
Maybe longer.
Helen looked at Claire over his head.
“I’m sorry too.”
Claire leaned against the kitchen counter.
“For what?”
Helen looked down.
“For last night. For other nights.”
Claire stiffened.
“Mom.”
“I know you don’t want this to become about when you were young.”
“I don’t.”
“I’m not asking you to talk about it.”
“Good.”
Helen twisted her wedding ring.
“But your father told me about the lamp.”
Claire said nothing.
“I remembered it.”
“Okay.”
“I remembered Vanessa crying.”
“Mom.”
“And I remembered you standing beside the stairs.”
“Stop.”
Helen stopped.
The silence that followed was not peaceful.
Ethan looked between them.
Claire hated that immediately.
“Hey,” she said to him. “Why don’t you take your dragon to the table? Grandma brought bread.”
He studied her.
“I can hear you from the table.”
Claire almost laughed.
“Fair.”
Helen stood.
“We don’t have to talk about it.”
“Not in front of him.”
“Of course.”
Claire sliced the banana bread.
Helen watched her.
After a while, she said, “Vanessa wants to come over.”
“No.”
“I told her not today.”
“Good.”
“She says you’re keeping Ethan from her.”
Claire put the knife down.
“I am.”
“I know.”
“She almost hit him.”
“I know.”
“She blamed him for something she did.”
“I know.”
“She took his tablet out of his hands.”
“I saw.”
“Then why do you sound like you’re preparing me for her argument?”
Helen looked wounded.
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
“I’m trying to tell you what she said.”
“I don’t care what she said.”
“I do.”
That was honest enough to stop Claire.
Helen sat at the kitchen island.
“She’s my daughter too.”
“I know.”
“I’m angry with her.”
“You can be angry and still love her.”
“I do.”
“I’m not asking you not to.”
Helen looked relieved and ashamed at the same time.
Claire understood that feeling better than she wanted to.
“I don’t know what to do,” Helen said.
“Don’t make me and Ethan responsible for making Vanessa feel better.”
Helen looked down.
“That’s fair.”
“Don’t ask him to hug her. Don’t ask him to accept an apology. Don’t tell him she feels terrible.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“You might without meaning to.”
Helen flinched.
Claire softened her voice.
“You like fixing things.”
Her mother gave a humorless smile.
“Your father is literally building a box for broken glass.”
“You married your type.”
Helen almost laughed.
May you like
Claire continued.
“This isn’t something you fix by getting everyone into the same room.”
