Chương 7
“I thought that meant his marriage was miserable.”
“Was he?”
“He said he loved you.”
Rachel laughed bitterly.
“I suppose that made things difficult.”
“It should have made me stop.”
“But it didn’t.”
“No.”
“Why?”
Claire’s mouth tightened.
“Because I liked him. Because I liked being chosen. Because I told myself adults were complicated and marriage was probably already broken if he was willing to do this.”
Rachel nodded slowly.
“There it is.”
“Yes.”
“The story you needed.”
“Yes.”
Rachel looked through the window at cars moving along wet pavement.
Claire said, “He never promised to leave you.”
“That’s supposed to help?”
“No.”
“Good.”
“I’m trying not to lie just because the truth makes me look worse.”
Rachel looked back at her.
“That’s new for both of you.”
Claire accepted it.
After a minute Rachel asked, “Did you love him?”
“I thought I did.”
“And now?”
“No.”
“Do you hate him?”
“Sometimes.”
Rachel had not expected that.
Claire rubbed the folded receipt between her fingers.
“He has been good to Owen in ways that mattered. He also taught Owen that love sometimes arrives in secret.”
Rachel swallowed.
Claire’s eyes filled, but she blinked the tears away.
“I hate him for that.”
Rachel looked down at her hands.
Her wedding ring felt heavy.
“What does Owen think happens now?”
“He thinks he ruined Daniel’s family.”
Rachel’s head snapped up.
“I told him he didn’t.”
“Does he believe you?”
“No.”
Rachel sat back.
“What exactly does he know about what happened at the conservatory?”
“Nothing about the slap.”
Rachel felt shame flare hotly across her face.
Claire saw it.
“I’m not judging you.”
“You should.”
“I have limited moral inventory.”
Despite herself, Rachel almost smiled.
Claire noticed and looked surprised.
The moment vanished.
“He knows Daniel told you,” Claire continued. “He knows Daniel is staying at a hotel. He heard me arguing with Daniel on the phone. That was my mistake.”
“What did you say?”
“That Daniel had created this and needed to stop acting like everyone else was doing things to him.”
Rachel looked at her.
“He does that.”
“Yes.”
“He gets quiet.”
“Yes.”
“And then you feel cruel for continuing.”
Claire gave a short laugh.
“Yes.”
For one uncomfortable second, the two women understood each other.
Rachel hated that too.
“What do you want from me?” she asked.
“I don’t want anything from you.”
“That’s not true.”
Claire’s fingers stopped moving.
“I want Owen to be allowed to know his sisters.”
Rachel looked out the window again.
“And if I say no?”
“I’ll respect your boundaries around your children.”
“But?”
“But I’ll hate it.”
At least it was honest.
“He asked if Emma likes astronomy,” Claire said.
Rachel frowned.
“Why?”
“He saw her in a picture wearing a NASA shirt.”
“She hates astronomy.”
Claire blinked.
Rachel almost laughed.
“She likes the shirt because Dana bought it and it’s soft.”
“Oh.”
“Owen likes astronomy?”
“Obsessively.”
“The telescope.”
“Yes.”
Rachel looked at the coffee she had not touched.
“He wanted to be in the next family picture.”
Claire’s face tightened.
Rachel said, “You told me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
They sat in silence.
A toddler at the next table dropped a spoon repeatedly until his father finally took it away. The child looked betrayed.
Rachel watched him.
“I don’t want to punish your son,” she said.
Claire’s shoulders lowered slightly.
“That doesn’t mean I’m ready.”
“I know.”
“It doesn’t mean Daniel gets to bring him into our lives and call that honesty.”
“I agree.”
“It doesn’t mean we become some cheerful blended-family commercial.”
Claire gave a tired laugh.
“God, no.”
Rachel looked at her.
“For what it’s worth, I dislike you.”
“That seems healthy.”
“I might dislike you for a long time.”
“That also seems healthy.”
Rachel nodded.
Then she stood.
Three days later, Emma asked to meet Owen.
She did it while Rachel was sorting socks.
“I think I want to.”
Rachel stopped.
“Why?”
Emma shrugged.
“He’s my brother.”
“That doesn’t mean you have to.”
“I know.”
“You can wait.”
“I know.”
“You can change your mind.”
“Mom.”
Rachel sat back.
Emma held up two socks that did not match.
“Do you want to meet him?”
Rachel stared at the socks.
“I don’t know.”
Emma nodded.
“You say that a lot.”
“I’ve noticed.”
Emma dropped the socks into the basket.
“Dad says Owen is scared.”
Rachel looked at her.
“When did Dad tell you that?”
“Yesterday.”
“Did you ask?”
“Yes.”
Rachel relaxed slightly.
Emma folded another shirt.
“He thinks we hate him.”
“Dad told you that?”
“No. I asked Dad if Owen thinks we hate him, and Dad said maybe.”
Rachel studied her daughter.
“Why are you thinking about that?”
Emma shrugged again.
“Because if I had a secret brother and then everybody got divorced when I found out, I’d think it was me.”
“We are not divorced.”
“You might be.”
“Yes.”
Emma folded the shirt badly.
Rachel let it remain badly folded.
“Does that scare you?”
“Yes.”
“Me too.”
Emma looked surprised.
“You?”
“Yes.”
“I thought you wanted Dad gone.”
“I want space from Dad. That’s different.”
“Do you still love him?”
Rachel stared at the laundry basket.
There were questions adults could evade with children because children lacked authority.
That did not make evasion kind.
“Yes,” she said.
Emma’s forehead wrinkled.
“Then why are you so mad?”
“Because loving someone doesn’t make what they do okay.”
Emma thought about that.
“That’s annoying.”
Rachel laughed.
“Extremely.”
The first meeting happened on a Saturday afternoon in a public botanical garden different from the conservatory.
Rachel chose the place because it was neutral and because being inside another glass building felt impossible.
Daniel arrived separately.
Claire arrived with Owen.
When Rachel first saw him in person, her body reacted before her mind did.
Daniel’s chin.
Daniel’s eyebrows.
Daniel’s habit of looking down when strangers looked at him.
Owen wore a blue T-shirt with a faded rocket on it and carried a small backpack.
May you like
He stood close to Claire.
Emma stood close to Rachel.
