Chương 5
Dana nodded slowly.
“Emma’s age minus two.”
“Thank you, Calculator.”
“I’m trying not to say what I’m thinking.”
“That would be new.”
Dana pulled out the chair opposite her.
“What are you thinking?”
Rachel expected fury.
Instead Dana said, “I’m thinking there’s a little boy somewhere who found out he has four sisters and probably thinks he won the lottery.”
Rachel looked at her.
Dana’s face changed.
“Oh, Rach.”
“Don’t.”
“I’m not doing anything.”
“You made your face.”
“What face?”
“The face.”
“I only have one.”
Rachel stood.
She went to the refrigerator for water, then stayed there with the door open too long.
Cold air moved against her legs.
On the refrigerator was the family photograph from the conservatory.
Daniel had printed it at a kiosk near the gift shop because Lily had wanted to see it “on real paper.”
Rachel was in the middle, one hand over her stomach.
Daniel stood behind her.
Emma leaned against his side.
Sophie was making a face despite being told not to.
Lily smiled too widely.
Mia looked somewhere else.
Daniel looked happy.
Rachel took the photograph down.
Dana watched but said nothing.
Rachel put it facedown on the counter.
By evening, Claire had sent twenty-three screenshots, a scan of the DNA report, and copies of bank transfers dating back four years.
Daniel’s email had been accurate in the broadest sense.
It had also left things out.
The affair had not ended cleanly.
There had been two attempts to restart it during the year after Owen was born, before Daniel knew Owen existed.
Both attempts appeared in messages Claire had saved.
Neither seemed to have become physical.
Rachel was not comforted.
Worse was a message from three years earlier.
Claire: You cannot keep telling him he has sisters and then say he can never meet them.
Daniel: I haven’t told him they’re his sisters.
Claire: He’s going to figure it out.
Daniel: I need time.
Claire: You have had time.
Rachel read it until the words stopped looking like language.
Daniel had known this moment was coming.
He had simply expected Rachel to absorb the consequences whenever his courage finally caught up with them.
She called him at nine.
He answered immediately.
“Rachel.”
“Did you ever plan to tell me?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
Silence.
“That is not a date.”
“I don’t know.”
“You wrote that you were going to tell me after Mia was born.”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t.”
“I know.”
“You wrote that you were going to tell me before we started trying again.”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t.”
“No.”
“You let me decide to have another baby with you while withholding the existence of your son.”
Daniel’s breath changed.
“I know how bad that is.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“No, I’m asking seriously. Do you understand that you changed what information I had when I made a permanent decision about my own life?”
“I do now.”
“Now.”
Rachel looked toward her bedroom door.
The girls were asleep.
Dana had gone home after extracting a promise that Rachel would call if she needed anything.
“Where are you?” Rachel asked.
“At a hotel.”
“Which one?”
Daniel told her.
“Stay there.”
“I will.”
“You can see the girls Saturday if they want to see you.”
“Okay.”
“Not here.”
“Okay.”
“And Daniel?”
“Yes?”
“You are going to tell them the truth in a way appropriate for their ages. You are not going to say we were having problems. You are not going to say you were lonely. You are not going to imply anything I did made this happen.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“You already told yourself something that made it possible.”
He was silent.
Rachel said, “That story dies with you.”
Saturday arrived with insulting sunshine.
Emma wanted to see Daniel.
Sophie did not.
Lily wanted to go wherever Emma went.
Mia wanted pancakes.
Rachel arranged for Daniel to meet them at Dana’s house.
She stayed.
Daniel arrived carrying nothing.
Rachel noticed that immediately.
No toys. No apology flowers. No bags of pastries. No desperate attempt to purchase affection.
That was either wise or evidence that he had received advice.
She resented both possibilities.
Emma sat on Dana’s couch with her arms crossed.
Daniel took the chair opposite.
Sophie stayed near the hallway.
Lily sat on the floor with Mia and stacked wooden blocks.
Daniel looked at Rachel once.
She gave him nothing.
He turned to Emma.
“You asked me a question Thursday.”
Emma nodded.
“About Owen.”
Another nod.
“Yes,” Daniel said. “He’s your brother.”
Lily stopped stacking.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Like a real brother?”
“Yes.”
“Does he live here?”
“No.”
“Why?”
Daniel inhaled.
“Because I made choices a long time ago that hurt Mom and created a situation I was afraid to tell you about.”
Emma watched him.
“Did you cheat?”
Daniel’s eyes flicked toward Rachel, then back.
“Yes.”
Sophie disappeared into the hallway.
Daniel flinched.
Rachel almost followed her.
She did not.
Emma asked, “Did Owen do anything wrong?”
“No.”
“Did his mom?”
Daniel hesitated.
Rachel spoke for the first time.
“That’s an adult question with an adult answer.”
Emma looked at her.
“Did Dad?”
“Yes.”
Daniel’s jaw tightened.
Rachel did not regret it.
Emma rubbed her thumb over a loose thread on the couch.
“Does Owen know me?”
“He knows your name.”
“Why?”
“Because I told him about you.”
“Before you told me about him.”
Daniel lowered his head.
“Yes.”
Emma’s face hardened in a way Rachel had never seen.
“That’s mean.”
Daniel looked up.
“You’re right.”
Emma stood.
“I don’t want to talk anymore.”
She walked upstairs.
Lily watched her go.
Then she looked at Daniel.
“Does Owen have Legos?”
Daniel blinked.
“Yes.”
“What kind?”
“I don’t know. A lot.”
“Can he come here?”
Rachel’s stomach tightened.
Daniel did not answer.
Good, she thought.
At least he had learned one thing.
“That’s something the adults have to work out,” Rachel said.
Lily seemed satisfied.
“Okay.”
Mia knocked down the blocks.
May you like
Later, Rachel found Sophie sitting beneath Dana’s dining table.
She crawled halfway underneath before remembering her stomach and stopped.
