Chương 5
I could feel the sentence forming.
It would have calmed him.
It also might have been a lie within the hour.
So I stayed where I was.
“I know.”
He stared at me.
“I hate it too.”
Ellie’s crying had turned ragged against his shirt.
“Can I hold her?”
“No.”
“She’s uncomfortable.”
“No.”
“You can keep your hand on her.”
His grip tightened.
Delaney shifted beside me.
I held up one hand without looking back.
“Leo.”
Nothing.
“She needs you to loosen your arm.”
His lower lip trembled.
“If I let go, they take her.”
There was no language clean enough for that fear.
So I stopped trying to find some.
“You don’t have to let go of her.”
I moved one hand slowly toward the floor between us.
“Just let me help you hold her better.”
He watched my hand for a long time.
Then he moved one elbow half an inch.
That was all.
I slid closer.
“Good.”
“Don’t say good.”
“Okay.”
He moved again.
I got one arm beneath Ellie’s back while his hand stayed pressed against her stomach.
The baby’s crying softened as the pressure eased.
Leo still refused to release her shirt.
I sat on the courthouse floor with my legs folded awkwardly beneath me and held Ellie while he held onto Ellie and everybody else stood around us without knowing what to do.
After a minute, Ben crawled out from under the chairs.
He came over and sat against my left hip.
June followed because Ben had.
Maya remained by the wall.
She wiped her face with the scorched bear.
Judge Lawson stood ten feet away.
His robe looked absurd in the fluorescent hallway.
Nobody spoke to him.
For once, nobody seemed to care that he was the most powerful person there.
Ellie hiccupped.
Leo looked at me.
“Is she going?”
I glanced toward Judge Lawson.
He did not rescue me.
Neither did Delaney.
I looked back at Leo.
“I’m trying to make sure none of you have to go without the others.”
“Trying?”
“Yes.”
His eyes dropped to Ellie.
“That means maybe.”
“Yes.”
He looked away from me.
I waited for anger.
Instead he whispered, “Mom said maybe when she meant no.”
Maya made a small sound from the wall.
Leo’s fingers loosened on the baby’s shirt.
Just a little.
I looked at him and said the only thing I could give him that did not require permission from a court.
“When I mean no, I’ll say no.”
Leo studied my face as though he expected the sentence to change if he waited long enough.
Then his fingers finally released Ellie's shirt.
Not completely.
Two fingertips remained hooked in the fabric while I shifted the baby higher against my chest.
Ellie gave one exhausted little sigh and buried her damp face beneath my chin.
Ben leaned harder against my side.
June sat cross-legged beside my shoe, examining one of the brass eyelets as if court hearings were considerably less interesting than footwear.
Maya stayed by the wall.
She had stopped crying, but the bear was pressed over her mouth.
Delaney crouched beside us.
“Leo, I need to tell you something.”
His shoulders went stiff.
She saw it too.
“I am not taking Ellie out of this building right now.”
“Right now,” he repeated.
“Yes.”
He looked at me.
I did not translate it into something better.
Delaney continued.
“The judge has not finished deciding what happens next.”
“Then why did he come?”
She glanced at the transport worker.
“Because adults made a mistake.”
The worker stared at the floor.
Leo's face sharpened.
“What mistake?”
“He was sent too early.”
“Who sent him?”
Delaney did not answer immediately.
I almost hated her for that delay until I realized she was refusing to invent certainty.
“I don't know yet.”
Leo looked toward the transport worker.
“Was it you?”
The man shook his head.
“No, buddy.”
“Don't call me buddy.”
The man nodded.
“Okay.”
His badge said RUSSELL MACK.
He looked about twenty-three and pale enough that I suspected this would be the story he told at dinner for the next decade.
Judge Lawson spoke from behind us.
“Mr. Mack, please wait in the clerk's conference room.”
Russell went willingly.
The judge then looked toward the children.
“Ms. Delaney, can they remain here while we finish?”
“They can stay in the family waiting room.”
Leo immediately said, “Together.”
Delaney nodded.
“Together.”
He accepted that answer because it contained no decoration.
I handed Ellie to Delaney and stood.
Every joint below my waist protested.
Ben looked up.
“Where you going?”
“Back in there.”
“No.”
His small hand caught my pant leg.
“I need to.”
“Why?”
Because adults had built an entire legal language around deciding whether he was allowed to sleep near his brother.
I settled for, “So the judge can finish.”
Ben thought about this.
“Tell him blue.”
I frowned.
“Blue?”
“My cup.”
“Oh.”
He looked offended that I had forgotten something so obvious.
“Tell him.”
The bailiff guided me back toward the courtroom.
Behind me, Maya finally left the wall and took Leo's hand.
When I returned to counsel table, Rachel was arranging documents into perfectly aligned stacks.
That was how she got angry.
If she ever reorganized the United States Code alphabetically, somebody had probably ruined her week.
She waited until I sat down.
“Do you enjoy cardiac events?”
“I don't think so.”
“You keep experimenting.”
“I didn't leave the building.”
“You left counsel table during an active proceeding.”
“The judge recessed.”
“Half a second before you moved.”
“I heard him.”
“You were already standing.”
I loosened my tie.
“Are you billing me for this conversation?”
“Yes.”
“Then I would like to use the remaining seconds on useful criticism.”
She looked at me.
“Stop making promises to children that depend on judges.”
“I didn't.”
“You promised him you'd say no when you mean no.”
“That depends on me.”
Her expression softened by maybe one degree.
May you like
“That one I can live with.”
Hale returned from the hallway and whispered with Delaney near the state table.
