Chương 9
“I missed almost every game that year.”
Mark stared into his own coffee.
“I told myself he lost interest.”
Daniel said nothing.
“He’s twenty-four now. Last Christmas he told me he stopped because I never came.”
Mark rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“Not trying to turn this into a life lesson.”
“Good.”
“I hate life lessons.”
“Same.”
Mark looked at him.
“Just don’t assume there’s only one expensive choice.”
Daniel carried that sentence home.
Lily was at the dining table doing homework when he walked in.
She had placed the repaired trophy beside her pencil case.
The knot he had made still held.
She looked up.
“You’re early.”
“By twelve minutes.”
“That’s early for you.”
“Cruel.”
She grinned.
He set his portfolio down.
“Math?”
“Fractions.”
“Need help?”
“No offense, but no.”
“Correct answer.”
He went to change.
In the hallway he passed the guest room.
Vanessa’s absence had shape now.
The bed was made.
The closet doors stood open.
Only three hangers remained.
On the dresser sat a ceramic dish she had forgotten, filled with two bobby pins and a Canadian coin.
Daniel picked up the coin and turned it over.
He put it back.
For all his anger, the room did not feel relieved.
It felt abandoned.
That surprised him.
Lily missed Vanessa too.
She did not say it directly at first.
Instead she complained that Daniel cut apples too thick.
She informed him that Vanessa knew where to buy the “good” hair elastics.
She asked whether Aunt Vanessa still watched the baking show they used to watch on Tuesdays.
Daniel answered what he could.
One evening Lily stood outside the guest room.
“Can Aunt Vanessa call me?”
Daniel looked at her.
“Do you want her to?”
“I think.”
“That’s not a yes.”
“I don’t know.”
He sat on the hallway floor.
Lily sat beside him.
Daniel’s knees rose nearly to his chest.
“You don’t have to decide because she’s sad.”
Lily picked at the seam of her pajama pants.
“What if I want to hear her voice?”
“Then you can.”
“Will you listen?”
“Do you want me to?”
Lily thought.
“Yes.”
So they called.
Vanessa answered on the second ring.
“Hello?”
Lily looked immediately at Daniel.
He nodded.
“Hi.”
Vanessa went silent.
Then, very softly, “Hi, Lil.”
The nickname did something to Lily’s face.
She looked down.
Vanessa said, “How are you?”
“Okay.”
“How’s school?”
“Okay.”
A pause.
“Gymnastics?”
Lily’s eyes moved toward Daniel.
He stayed still.
“Okay.”
Vanessa did not ask more.
“I saw a dog today that looked like that ridiculous one you wanted on your birthday cake.”
Lily looked up.
“The corgi?”
“Like a loaf of bread with legs.”
Lily laughed.
Daniel closed his eyes briefly.
He had forgotten that Vanessa could make her laugh.
They talked for eleven minutes.
Nothing important was said.
That mattered.
At the end Vanessa said, “Lily?”
“Yeah?”
“I’m sorry about your trophy.”
Lily became motionless.
Vanessa continued, too quickly, “I was upset and I shouldn’t have—”
Daniel saw Lily’s shoulders tighten.
He reached toward the phone, but Lily shook her head.
Vanessa stopped herself.
There was a breath.
Then she tried again.
“I cut something that belonged to you because I was angry. And I said something about your mom that I knew would hurt.”
Lily’s eyes filled.
Vanessa’s voice became rough.
“You didn’t deserve that.”
Silence.
Lily whispered, “Why did you?”
Vanessa breathed in.
“I was jealous.”
Daniel looked at the phone.
So did Lily.
“Of me?”
“No.”
“Mom?”
A long pause.
“Kind of.”
Lily frowned.
“But she’s dead.”
Vanessa made a sound that might have been a laugh or a sob.
“I know. Pretty stupid, huh?”
Lily considered this with brutal childhood seriousness.
“Kind of.”
Vanessa laughed.
This time it was definitely a laugh.
Then Lily said, “I’m still mad.”
“You should be.”
“I miss you.”
Vanessa’s voice disappeared for several seconds.
“I miss you too.”
Lily rubbed her nose.
“Dad makes bad pancakes.”
Daniel frowned.
“Unnecessary.”
Vanessa laughed again.
“He always has.”
“You knew?”
“Unfortunately.”
The conversation ended soon after.
Lily handed Daniel the phone.
“Do I have to forgive her?”
“No.”
“Will I?”
“I don’t know.”
She nodded.
“Okay.”
Then she got up and went to brush her teeth.
Daniel remained on the hallway floor.
His phone vibrated.
A message from Vanessa.
Thank you.
He typed three different answers and deleted all of them.
Finally he sent:
She wanted to call.
Vanessa replied:
I know.
After that, change came slowly enough to be believed.
Vanessa did not return to the house for nearly a month.
When she did, it was because Lily invited her.
A Sunday afternoon.
Margaret came too.
Daniel almost canceled twice.
He worried Vanessa would act as though everything had been repaired because an eight-year-old had missed her.
He worried Lily would become quiet.
He worried Margaret would try to force reconciliation.
He worried about so many things that he overcooked chicken at lunch and blamed the oven.
“The oven didn’t do anything,” Lily said.
“It knows what it did.”
When the doorbell rang, Lily froze.
Daniel put down the serving spoon.
“Still want them here?”
She nodded.
He opened the door.
Vanessa stood beside Margaret.
No overnight bag.
No suitcase.
Just her black handbag.
Lily noticed it immediately.
So did Vanessa.
Something passed across her face.
Embarrassment, perhaps.
She entered.
Nobody hugged.
Margaret broke the tension by holding up a bakery box.
“I brought pie.”
Daniel looked inside.
“Apple?”
“I remembered you hate pumpkin.”
“I don’t hate pumpkin.”
Margaret stared at him.
“You have complained about pumpkin pie every Thanksgiving since 1996.”
“That isn’t hate.”
Vanessa said, “It’s a twenty-nine-year commitment to criticism.”
Daniel looked at her.
She almost smiled.
He almost did too.
Lily took the box.
“I like pumpkin.”
All three adults turned toward her.
She frowned.
“What?”
Daniel said, “Your betrayal has been noted.”
They ate lunch.
The conversation wandered.
School.
May you like
A broken traffic light near Margaret’s condo.
Vanessa’s neighbor who kept leaving recycling bins in the wrong place.
