Chương 10
Lily wore her pale-yellow dress because she said Claire had seen it on the train.
Daniel asked if she wanted something else.
“No.”
“Why?”
“So she knows it’s me.”
Daniel did not understand that logic, but he did not challenge it.
Claire arrived ten minutes early.
She wore the same dark-green coat.
Daniel noticed and hated himself for noticing.
When Lily entered the room, Claire stood.
Neither moved toward the other.
The therapist, Dr. Patel, sat in a chair near the wall.
Daniel remained by the door.
Lily held Benny.
Claire looked at the bear.
“Hi.”
Lily said, “Hi.”
That was all.
Claire sat.
Lily sat across from her.
For nearly a minute, nobody spoke.
Then Lily asked, “What’s my favorite color?”
Claire looked at Daniel.
He said nothing.
“Yellow?”
Lily frowned.
“No.”
Claire’s face fell.
“It used to be yellow.”
“It’s purple.”
“Purple’s better.”
“No, it isn’t. Yellow is good too.”
Claire nodded.
“Right.”
Lily asked, “What’s my teacher’s name?”
“I don’t know.”
“Ms. Campbell.”
“Okay.”
“What grade am I in?”
“First.”
Lily narrowed her eyes.
Daniel nearly smiled.
“That was easy.”
“Yes.”
“What’s my favorite food?”
Claire hesitated.
“Mac and cheese?”
“Wrong.”
“What is it?”
“Sushi.”
Claire blinked.
“You hated rice.”
“I was three.”
“Fair point.”
Lily looked at Benny.
Then she asked, “Why did you know his secret name?”
Claire’s face changed.
Daniel had not told Dr. Patel that part.
Claire folded her hands in her lap.
“Your dad and I called him Benny before you were old enough to talk.”
“Why?”
“Because we thought he looked like someone named Benjamin.”
Lily looked offended on behalf of the bear.
“He doesn’t.”
“No.”
“His name is Bear.”
“I know.”
Lily glanced at Daniel.
Everybody in the room heard the phrase.
Claire heard herself say it.
She closed her eyes briefly.
“Sorry,” she said.
Lily seemed confused.
“Why?”
Claire looked at her.
“Because I say that too much.”
The first visit lasted thirty-eight minutes.
Lily did not hug Claire.
At the end, Claire said, “It was good to see you.”
Lily said, “Okay.”
In the car, Daniel waited.
Lily buckled herself in.
“Do you think she’s Mommy now?” Daniel asked.
Lily frowned.
“She was always Mommy.”
Daniel looked at her in the rearview mirror.
“Even when you thought she was dead?”
“Yes.”
He had no response to that.
Lily adjusted Benny in her lap.
“She doesn’t know anything about me.”
The statement hurt more than accusation would have.
“No,” Daniel said. “She doesn’t.”
“Can she learn?”
Daniel looked through the windshield.
Cars moved through wet afternoon streets.
“I think she can try.”
Lily nodded.
“Okay.”
Then she asked for chicken nuggets.
Jenna Morales’s mother contacted Daniel in February.
Her name was Elena.
She did not introduce herself when he answered.
“I want to know what you put in the coffin.”
Daniel sat down at his kitchen table.
He had imagined the conversation.
He had never imagined that question.
“I’m sorry?”
“My daughter. What did you bury her with?”
Daniel closed his eyes.
“A photograph.”
“Of who?”
“Claire and Lily.”
Elena was silent.
Daniel’s face burned.
“I didn’t know.”
“I know you didn’t know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop.”
He stopped.
Elena breathed heavily through her nose.
“What else?”
“Letters.”
“What letters?”
“One from me.”
“To Claire.”
“Yes.”
“One from my sister.”
Elena did not speak.
“Lily drew a picture.”
“What picture?”
“Us.”
Elena exhaled.
“What was my daughter wearing?”
Daniel looked at the table.
“I don’t know.”
“You buried her.”
“The coffin was closed.”
“Of course it was.”
The bitterness in her voice cut through him.
Daniel let it.
Elena asked, “Did you choose the cemetery?”
“Yes.”
“Did you choose the plot?”
“Yes.”
“Is it nice?”
Daniel looked toward the window.
“It’s under a maple tree.”
Elena began to cry.
Daniel pressed his hand over his mouth.
She said, “Jenna hated leaves on her car.”
A laugh escaped her.
“She would park a mile away from a building to avoid a tree.”
Daniel laughed too, then immediately hated himself.
Elena said, “It’s okay.”
He closed his eyes.
“She’d be furious.”
“I can move her.”
“No.”
Daniel opened his eyes.
Elena continued.
“I don’t know yet.”
“Of course.”
“I want to see it first.”
“Yes.”
“Claire told me you visited.”
“Every month at first. Then birthdays. December.”
“Did you talk to her?”
Daniel stared at the wall.
“Sometimes.”
“What did you say?”
“That I was angry.”
“At Claire.”
“Yes.”
Elena was quiet.
“My daughter heard a lot of complaints about your wife.”
Daniel almost broke.
“I guess she did.”
Elena made the smallest sound of amusement.
Then it disappeared.
“Claire is coming to Phoenix next week.”
“I heard.”
“I don’t know if I can look at her.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know.”
Daniel winced at the phrase.
Elena said, “She says that too.”
Despite everything, Daniel laughed.
“So I’ve noticed.”
Elena visited the grave in March.
Daniel stayed away because she asked him to.
Two days later she called.
“She can stay there for now.”
Daniel sat in his car outside Lily’s school.
“Okay.”
“I’m changing the stone.”
“Of course.”
“To Jenna’s name.”
“Yes.”
“There’ll be another line.”
Daniel waited.
“Beloved daughter. Beloved sister.”
His throat tightened.
“She should have had that four years ago.”
“Yes.”
Elena was silent.
Then she said, “Claire offered to pay.”
Daniel gripped the steering wheel.
“What did you say?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
“I might change my mind.”
“That’s your decision.”
“I know.”
He smiled despite himself.
Elena continued.
“I asked her why.”
Daniel stopped smiling.
“What did she say?”
“She gave me a lot of reasons.”
“That sounds like Claire.”
“Then I told her I didn’t ask for reasons.”
Daniel looked through the windshield at parents walking toward the school doors.
“What did she say then?”
“She said she was a coward.”
He closed his eyes.
Elena’s voice softened, though not kindly.
May you like
“That was the first useful thing she said.”
Claire eventually entered a plea in connection with the false identity documents and her actions after the crash.
