Chương 10
She irritated Robert by refusing to give exact scripts.
“There is no sentence that makes this painless,” Monica said.
Robert crossed his arms.
“That’s what we’re paying you for.”
“No. You’re paying me to keep you from making it worse.”
Emily looked down to hide a smile.
Monica saw it.
“So you two do share DNA.”
Robert almost smiled too.
Linda did not.
She had become quieter over the weeks.
Not theatrically broken.
She cooked.
She drove Noah to school.
She forgot to buy laundry detergent twice.
She stopped wearing makeup.
Emily sometimes wanted to comfort her.
Then she remembered waking at twenty-three with an empty body and her mother holding her hand.
Contradictory emotions became exhausting because neither one canceled the other.
Monica recommended telling Noah before the court filing advanced.
“He is likely to notice adult stress,” she said. “And if he finds out accidentally, you lose control of context.”
Linda flinched at the word control.
Emily noticed.
So did Monica.
Nobody commented.
They chose a Saturday in November.
Noah complained because Robert canceled a fishing trip.
“Why?”
“We need to talk.”
“That is literally the worst sentence adults say.”
Emily sat on the couch.
Noah looked at her.
“You too?”
“Me too.”
He glanced between them.
“Am I getting expelled?”
“No,” Robert said.
“Did somebody die?”
Nobody answered quickly enough.
Noah’s face changed.
“Who?”
“No one died,” Emily said.
He sat.
Linda took the chair nearest him.
Emily had insisted on distance.
Not because Linda did not deserve closeness.
Because Noah needed space to move.
Robert began.
“There are things about your family we should have told you before.”
Noah looked confused.
“What things?”
Robert glanced at Emily.
She had told him not to make her do all of it.
He swallowed.
“Daniel was your dad because he raised you.”
Noah nodded slowly.
“Okay.”
“But he wasn’t your biological father.”
Noah stared.
“What?”
Emily felt her hands begin to shake.
She tucked them under her thighs.
Robert continued.
“And Marissa wasn’t your biological mother.”
Noah looked at Linda.
“Then who is?”
Linda opened her mouth.
Nothing came out.
Emily spoke.
“I am.”
Noah looked at her.
There was no cinematic recognition.
No instant understanding.
He frowned.
“What?”
Emily forced herself to stay still.
“I gave birth to you.”
He stared.
Then laughed.
A short uncomfortable laugh.
“That’s not funny.”
“I know.”
“Grandma?”
Linda was crying.
Noah stood.
“Grandma?”
“It’s true.”
He backed away.
“No.”
Robert rose.
Noah pointed.
“Sit down.”
Robert sat.
The command stunned everyone.
Noah looked at Emily.
“You’re my mom?”
“Biologically, yes.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I carried you. I gave birth to you.”
“Then why didn’t you keep me?”
There it was.
The question Emily had feared.
She answered carefully.
“I was told you died.”
Noah stared.
“Who told you?”
Nobody spoke.
Noah looked at Linda.
Linda nodded.
His face changed completely.
“You?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Linda’s voice shook.
“I made a terrible decision.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“No.”
“You told her I died?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
Linda looked helplessly at Monica’s written notes on the table.
Emily almost hated her for looking.
“Of making everything worse.”
Noah’s eyes filled.
“You made it worse.”
“Yes.”
He turned to Emily.
“So you didn’t leave me?”
“No.”
“Did my dad know?”
“Daniel?”
“Yeah.”
Emily paused.
“Yes.”
Noah wiped his face roughly.
“He lied too?”
“Yes.”
“Grandpa?”
Robert shook his head.
“I didn’t know.”
Noah stared at him.
Then at Emily.
“Who’s my real dad?”
Emily hated the phrase real.
She did not correct him.
“His name is Ethan.”
“Does he know me?”
“He knows about you.”
“Where is he?”
“Colorado.”
“Does he want me?”
Emily’s heart broke quietly.
“He wants to know you. But nobody is making that decision today.”
Noah began crying.
Not loudly.
He covered his face and turned away.
Linda stood.
“Noah—”
“Don’t.”
She stopped.
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that.”
Linda sat.
Noah looked at Emily.
“Are you taking me?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
The question struck differently.
Emily moved closer but did not touch him.
“Because you are not a thing people take.”
He stared at her.
“You live here. You have school. Friends. Grandpa. Grandma.”
He looked sharply at Linda.
Emily continued.
“What happened to me was wrong. I’m not fixing it by doing something to you without listening.”
Noah wiped his nose on his sleeve.
Robert reached for a tissue box.
Noah ignored it.
“What do you want?”
Emily answered.
“I want to know you.”
“That’s weird.”
“It is.”
He almost smiled.
The smile disappeared.
“I want to go to my room.”
Robert nodded.
Noah ran upstairs.
His door slammed.
Linda began sobbing.
Emily stood and walked into the kitchen.
Robert followed after a minute.
“He hates us.”
Emily opened the refrigerator.
She was not hungry.
She stared at mustard.
“He’s eleven.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t. Neither do I.”
Robert leaned against the counter.
“I should have checked.”
Emily looked at him.
“The bank records.”
“Yes.”
“You should have.”
“I called you a thief.”
“Yes.”
“I told people.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know how to repair that.”
Emily closed the refrigerator.
“You may not.”
He nodded.
That answer satisfied her more than a promise would have.
For three days, Noah barely spoke to Linda.
He continued speaking to Robert.
He spoke to Emily mostly by text, though they were in the same house.
At breakfast Sunday he sent:
did ethan sell me
Emily stared at the screen.
Across the table, Noah ate cereal without looking at her.
She typed:
He accepted money to stay away. I think you deserve to hear his explanation from him someday, if you want.
Three dots appeared.
Then:
thats selling
Emily replied:
I understand why it feels that way.
No response.
A minute later:
did daniel buy me
Emily’s throat tightened.
No.
He loved you, but he also helped hide the truth.
Noah looked up.
Their eyes met.
May you like
He looked away first.
In December, Noah agreed to speak with Ethan by video.
