Chương 10
Claire did not argue.
Emma texted Daniel once.
Sorry again for showing up.
He answered:
You don’t need to apologize. Please focus on being sixteen.
She replied:
That sounds exhausting.
He smiled despite himself.
Lucas did not contact him.
Daniel respected him for it.
Three weeks after the photograph, Maya emailed.
Your corporate deposit has been refunded. I also want you to know the family gallery remains private and has not been released beyond the client access link.
Daniel stared at the message.
He called Claire into the kitchen.
“Did you download the photographs?”
“Yes.”
“All of them?”
“Yes.”
“Where are they?”
“On my laptop.”
“Did you send them anywhere?”
“Emma has copies. Mark has copies.”
Daniel nodded.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
“You have a face.”
“I apparently have several.”
“You’re making the one where you’re trying to decide whether to ask something.”
Daniel almost smiled.
Eight years did not disappear because trust did.
“Can I see them?”
Claire looked surprised.
“The pictures?”
“Yes.”
She brought her laptop downstairs.
They sat side by side at the table.
Claire opened the gallery.
Daniel’s body tightened at the first photograph.
Emma between Claire and Mark.
Lucas standing slightly apart.
Then another.
In the third, Claire was looking at Lucas rather than the camera.
The boy’s expression was guarded.
In the next, Emma was laughing.
Mark looked tired.
Claire looked terrified.
Daniel had missed that before.
He moved through them slowly.
The supposedly intimate photograph of Mark’s arm around Claire appeared.
From the wider crop, the truth was less threatening.
Emma had thrown an arm around both parents and pulled them inward.
Mark’s hand rested at Claire’s waist because there was nowhere else for it to go.
Claire’s shoulder angled away from him.
Daniel felt embarrassed.
He also felt relieved.
He disliked both feelings.
“Why that dress?” he asked.
Claire looked at him.
“What?”
“The green one. You bought it for this.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Emma told me green was Rachel’s favorite color.”
Daniel looked at Claire.
“You wore another woman’s favorite color to meet your children?”
Claire’s mouth twisted.
“It sounded less strange when Emma suggested it.”
“No.”
Daniel looked back at the screen.
“It sounds exactly as strange as it should.”
Claire laughed softly.
Then stopped, uncertain whether she was allowed.
Daniel did not stop her.
The next photograph showed all four sitting on the studio floor.
Lucas was looking directly at Claire.
Something in his expression made Daniel pause.
“What was happening there?”
Claire leaned closer.
“Maya asked us to talk instead of pose.”
“About what?”
“Anything.”
“And?”
“Lucas asked whether I knew he played baseball.”
Daniel looked at her.
“Did you?”
“No.”
Her voice was almost inaudible.
“What did you say?”
“I said no.”
Daniel waited.
“That was it?”
“No. He asked whether I knew anything about him.”
She closed the laptop.
Daniel did not ask her to reopen it.
“What did you say?”
“The truth.”
“Which was?”
“Not enough.”
The following week, Lucas agreed to have coffee with Claire alone.
Daniel knew because Claire told him before she left.
He appreciated the disclosure more than he wanted to.
When she returned two hours later, she entered through the kitchen and stood with her keys in her hand.
“How was it?” Daniel asked.
Claire removed her coat.
“Bad.”
He waited.
“Then better. Then bad again.”
“That sounds sixteen.”
“He’s fifteen.”
“That sounds fifteen.”
She sat.
“He asked why I didn’t send birthday cards.”
Daniel opened the refrigerator and took out two bottles of water.
“What did you tell him?”
“That I thought leaving him alone was kinder.”
“And?”
“He said that was convenient.”
Daniel handed her a bottle.
“He’s not wrong.”
“No.”
She twisted the cap.
“He also asked whether I ever looked him up online.”
“Did you?”
“Yes.”
Daniel leaned against the counter.
Claire stared at the bottle.
“I knew he played baseball.”
Daniel looked at her.
“You just told me at the pictures you didn’t.”
“I lied to him then.”
He felt anger flash.
“Claire.”
“I know.”
“No. Why are you still doing it?”
“Because admitting I watched them from a distance felt worse.”
“Worse for who?”
She closed her eyes.
“Me.”
Daniel pushed away from the counter.
“That’s the habit.”
“Yes.”
“You’re still protecting yourself.”
“Yes.”
“While telling yourself you’re protecting somebody else.”
Claire nodded.
Daniel looked at her for a long time.
“Did you correct it?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Today.”
“What happened?”
“He got angry.”
“Good.”
Claire looked up.
Daniel softened the word.
“I mean he gets to.”
“I know.”
“What did he say?”
“That I don’t get credit for missing him privately.”
Daniel exhaled.
The kid was sharp.
Claire smiled sadly.
“He also said my LinkedIn picture is terrible.”
“That kid may have judgment.”
The joke escaped before Daniel could stop it.
Claire laughed.
This time he laughed too.
It lasted three seconds.
Then both of them became quiet.
The strange thing about grief, Daniel discovered, was how rude ordinary humor felt at first.
Then how necessary.
A month after the photograph, Daniel agreed to couples therapy.
He hated the first session.
The therapist, Dr. Elaine Porter, had an irritating ability to leave silence untouched.
Daniel filled it because he could not stand the sound of the wall clock.
“I don’t want a lesson in forgiveness,” he said.
“Good,” Elaine replied.
He waited.
“That’s it?”
“What did you expect?”
“I don’t know.”
“Apparently something irritating.”
Claire looked down to hide a smile.
Daniel pointed at her.
“That.”
“What?” Claire asked.
“You think this is funny.”
“No. I think you hate not controlling a meeting.”
Elaine wrote something.
Daniel frowned.
“What did you write?”
“That you hate not controlling a meeting.”
Claire laughed.
Daniel looked at both women.
“This feels collusive.”
It was the first therapy session he did not walk out of.
Over the next three months, things improved badly.
That was the only phrase Daniel trusted.
Claire became more transparent.
Sometimes transparently irritating.
She told him when Emma texted.
May you like
She told him when Mark called.
She told him when Lucas refused a visit.
