Part 11
“Grandma said you didn’t want me.”
“That wasn’t true.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wrote letters, but I should have found more ways. I was scared.”
“Of Grandma?”
“Sometimes.”
“Of Dad?”
Nora looked briefly toward Graham.
“Yes.”
Theo turned in his chair.
Graham kept his face still.
“Why?”
Nora answered before he could.
“Because your dad was angry with me, and he had reasons to be. But being afraid of someone’s anger does not make disappearing okay.”
Theo looked at Graham again.
“Were you scary?”
“Probably,” Graham said.
“You don’t yell.”
“I can be scary without yelling.”
Theo considered this, apparently finding it plausible.
Nora’s eyes filled.
She blinked slowly.
“I’m sorry,” she said.
Theo looked back at the screen.
“For what?”
“For leaving. For not trying harder to come back. For letting so much time pass that talking to me feels strange.”
“It does feel strange.”
“I know.”
“Do you have my pictures?”
“Yes.”
“How many?”
“A lot.”
“Show me one.”
Nora stood and disappeared from the screen. A cabinet opened. Something fell, followed by a muffled curse.
Theo’s eyes widened.
“Did she say a bad word?”
“Yes,” Graham said.
Nora returned holding a photograph.
It showed Theo at two years old sitting inside a cardboard box with a cooking spoon in his mouth.
“You sent that to Grandpa,” she said. “He gave me a copy.”
Theo studied it.
“I look dumb.”
“You had eaten part of the box.”
“That’s worse.”
Nora laughed.
The sound startled Graham. He had forgotten it was low and brief, almost embarrassed.
The call lasted eleven minutes.
Theo ended it by saying, “I don’t know what else to ask.”
Nora nodded.
“That’s okay.”
“Will you answer next time?”
“Yes.”
“What if you’re at work?”
“I might have to call back.”
“That means you don’t answer.”
“It means I answer later.”
Theo looked dissatisfied.
Nora seemed to understand.
“I won’t disappear because I miss one call,” she said.
He accepted that.
After the screen went dark, Theo remained at the table.
“Do you believe her?” he asked.
“About what?”
“That she was scared.”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe she wanted me?”
Graham looked at the unopened mail stacked near the fruit bowl, then at the letter beside Theo’s hand.
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you before?”
“Because if I believed she wanted you, I would have had to ask why she wasn’t here. I was afraid I might not like the answer.”
Theo picked at a loose thread on the rabbit.
“You’re scared a lot.”
“More than I thought.”
Two weeks passed before Theo agreed to meet Nora.
Dr. Levin chose her office on a Saturday morning. Nora drove down the night before and stayed at a small hotel nearby. Graham offered to pay. She refused, then called back an hour later and accepted because the room cost more than she expected.
The admission reassured him. The Nora he remembered would have spent money she did not have rather than expose need.
On the morning of the meeting, Theo developed a stomachache.
Graham found him sitting on the bathroom floor in his coat.
“We can cancel,” Graham said.
“Will she leave?”
“She’ll go back to Vermont eventually.”
“I mean leave because I cancel.”
“No.”
“How do you know?”
“I’ll tell her why.”
“What if she thinks I don’t want her?”
“You don’t have to protect her feelings.”
Theo pressed both hands to his stomach.
“Does it hurt badly?”
“I don’t know.”
“That’s not usually how pain works.”
“It hurts when I think about going.”
“We can tell Dr. Levin.”
Theo remained on the floor.
Graham sat beside him. The bathroom tile was cold through his trousers.
“When I was your age,” he said, “I hid in a coat closet during my first piano recital.”
“Why?”
“I forgot the song.”
“Did Grandma find you?”
“Immediately.”
“What did she do?”
“She made me perform.”
“Did you remember?”
“No. I played the first six notes over and over until the teacher stopped me.”
Theo looked at him.
“Grandma never told me that.”
“She does not enjoy stories where I look foolish.”
“Did Grandpa laugh?”
“For years.”
Theo smiled faintly.
They sat there until the stomachache eased enough for him to stand.
At Dr. Levin’s office, Nora waited in a separate room. Graham went in first. She wore the same navy coat from the coffee shop and held a paper bag in both hands.
“What’s in that?” he asked.
“The sewing kit.”
“Nothing else?”
“A granola bar.”
“You’re nervous.”
“I haven’t seen my son in four years.”
“He may not hug you.”
“I know.”
“He may ask to leave.”
“I know.”
“He has the rabbit.”
Nora closed her eyes briefly.
“Okay.”
Dr. Levin brought Theo in.
For one second, Nora began to rise too quickly. She caught herself and sat back down.
Theo stopped near the door.
Nora looked at him the way a person looks at something both beloved and breakable.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.”
“You got taller.”
Theo glanced at Graham.
“People say that when they don’t know what else to say.”
Nora nodded.
“That’s true.”
He sat in the chair farthest from her.
The rabbit rested in his lap.
Dr. Levin explained that they would stay for twenty minutes and that Theo could request a break. She placed a wooden timer on the table, though she did not start it immediately.
Nora held up the paper bag.
“I brought thread.”
Theo examined her.
“What color?”
“Gray, blue, and black.”
“Why black?”
“It came in the package.”
“That’s not a reason to bring it.”
“I panicked.”
Theo looked at Graham.
“She says things weird.”
“She always has,” Graham said.
Nora smiled, then looked down before the expression became too much.
Theo handed her the rabbit.
The transfer was awkward. Nora took the toy by its body, careful not to pull the damaged ear. Her thumb brushed the worn patch beneath its eye.
She threaded the needle.
Her hands shook.
“You’re doing it wrong,” Theo said.
May you like
“I haven’t started.”
“The knot is too big.”
