Chương 5
“No.”
“Did Noah look scared?”
Margaret said nothing.
That was enough.
“Jesus Christ.”
“Ethan.”
“You saw him scaring Noah and you left him there?”
“I was trying to get lunch served.”
“That’s your answer?”
“No.”
“Sounds like it.”
“I thought he was being obnoxious.”
“You thought.”
“Yes, I thought. People are allowed to misjudge things.”
“Not when it’s my kid.”
Margaret’s voice hardened.
“Do not speak to me as though I don’t love that boy.”
“Then why didn’t you call me?”
“Because I had already asked you to come early and you said you had errands.”
The sentence landed exactly where she knew it would.
Ethan had been forty minutes late.
Noah had arrived with Lauren, who dropped him off on her way to meet a friend. Ethan had stopped to pick up propane for Margaret and then detoured to a hardware store because he needed a replacement hinge for a cabinet he had been meaning to fix for three weeks.
He looked at the unopened hinge package on his coffee table.
“You’re blaming me.”
“I am not.”
“You just did.”
“I am telling you that I made a bad judgment. You made decisions too.”
“That’s incredible.”
“No, what’s incredible is that you think because Ryan behaved horribly, nobody is allowed to mention anything you did.”
Ethan stood.
“What I did?”
“You walked toward him angry.”
“He threatened Noah.”
“I was there.”
“Then why did you tell me not to?”
Margaret went quiet.
Ethan waited.
When she spoke again, her voice was smaller.
“Because I knew what he was going to do.”
Ethan frowned.
“What?”
“I knew if you got close to him, Ryan would escalate.”
“How?”
“Because he always does when he feels embarrassed.”
“Always?”
His mother breathed out slowly.
The room seemed to narrow around him.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“Nothing that changes what happened today.”
“That is not an answer.”
“He’s been having a difficult year.”
Ethan laughed.
“You’re kidding.”
“No.”
“Mom, do not give me the difficult-year speech after he threatens Noah.”
“I’m not excusing him.”
“You’re about to.”
“I am explaining why I was trying to keep the two of you apart.”
“When?”
Silence.
“When were you trying to keep us apart?”
“At Easter.”
Ethan remembered Easter.
Ryan had arrived late, eaten standing up, and left before dessert after a short argument with Brad about parking across the driveway.
“Christmas?”
Margaret did not answer.
Ethan closed his eyes.
“Oh, my God.”
“He hasn’t threatened children before.”
“What has he done?”
“He punched a wall at his apartment.”
“That’s not your apartment.”
“He called me after.”
“Why?”
“Because he was upset.”
“Why would he call you?”
Margaret said, “His mother is dead.”
The anger inside Ethan hit something and changed shape.
Aunt Susan had been dead four years.
Cancer.
Ryan had taken care of her through the last six months, sleeping in a recliner beside the hospice bed because he refused to leave her alone overnight.
Ethan knew that.
He also knew Ryan had barely spoken at the funeral.
None of it explained the soccer ball.
None of it made the threat smaller.
But it made his mother’s behavior less mysterious.
“You’ve been taking care of him.”
“I’ve been answering the phone.”
“Same thing for you.”
Margaret gave a tired sound.
“Maybe.”
“What else?”
“He’s separated from Kendra.”
“I knew that.”
“No. You knew they were having problems. She moved out in January.”
“Why didn’t anybody tell me?”
“Because Ryan asked me not to.”
Ethan sat back down.
The Challenger.
The gray shirt.
The arrogance.
The stupid black wristwatch Ryan checked every ten minutes as though the world were late.
He tried to rearrange the afternoon around this new information and disliked himself for doing it.
“So what?”
“What do you mean, so what?”
“So he’s getting divorced. That gives him permission to threaten a kid?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why are we talking about it?”
“Because you asked what you didn’t know.”
He rubbed his eyes.
Margaret said, “There’s more.”
He lowered his hand.
“What?”
“He lost his job in May.”
Ethan was silent.
“He told everyone he was consulting.”
“He is not consulting.”
“No.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know the whole story.”
“He get fired?”
“He says the company cut his position.”
“And you don’t believe him.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
Margaret sighed.
“He asked me for money three weeks ago.”
“How much?”
“Ethan.”
“How much?”
“Eight thousand dollars.”
He stood again.
“What?”
“He was behind on several things.”
“The car?”
“Yes.”
Ethan walked to the window.
“He threatened Noah over a car he can’t afford.”
“Apparently.”
“That’s insane.”
“It’s shame.”
“Don’t romanticize it.”
“I’m not.”
“It sounds like you are.”
“You think shame makes people gentle?”
He said nothing.
Margaret continued.
“Ryan has spent his whole life acting like being afraid is the same as being weak. Right now he is afraid of everything. Money. Divorce. Losing the car. People finding out he lost the job. Brad making some stupid joke about it. You showing up looking like your life is under control.”
Ethan laughed bitterly.
“My life.”
“That is what he sees.”
“He threatened Noah because he’s jealous of me?”
“I don’t know why he did it.”
“Then stop explaining.”
“I’m trying to tell you this didn’t come from nowhere.”
“That doesn’t make it better.”
“No.”
Margaret’s voice shook.
“It makes me worse.”
That stopped him.
She continued.
“I knew he was unraveling, and I kept inviting him because I thought being around family was better than being alone. I kept telling myself he was embarrassed, not dangerous. I thought if I could just keep everyone comfortable long enough, he would get through it.”
Ethan stared out into his dark backyard.
A motion light flicked on next door.
“You should have told me.”
“I know.”
“You should have told Lauren.”
“I know.”
“You should not have left him alone with the kids.”
“I know.”
He wanted her to argue.
May you like
Her agreement made him feel worse.
“What are you going to tell the police?”
