Chương 10
“What do the missing ones say?”
“There are a few where he talks more directly about leaving.”
“What does directly mean?”
“He asked whether I would want to be with him if he separated.”
My stomach clenched.
“What did you say?”
“That I wouldn’t answer while he was married.”
“And after?”
“He kept asking in different ways.”
I leaned back against the seat.
“Did you ever answer?”
“One night.”
“What did you say?”
“I said maybe.”
The word sat between us.
A small word with an enormous body.
“Send me everything you still have.”
Rebecca hesitated.
“Okay.”
“Not selected screenshots.”
“I understand.”
“The full thread around each message.”
“Yes.”
“And don’t talk to Caleb about this.”
Another pause.
“I already told him I intended to tell you the truth.”
“When?”
“This morning.”
That explained his fear.
“What did he say?”
“He told me I was blowing up his family because I was angry he wouldn’t leave.”
I gripped the phone tighter.
“Are you?”
“No.”
“How do I know?”
“You don’t.”
For the first time, something in me loosened.
It was a terrible answer.
It was also the only honest one.
“I’ll send the messages.”
“Do that.”
“Margot.”
I nearly hung up.
“What?”
“I’m sorry.”
My mouth twisted.
“I believe that you are.”
“That’s fair.”
“No.”
I looked across the parking lot again.
“I don’t know what’s fair anymore.”
We ended the call.
The first image arrived thirty seconds later.
Then another.
Then twelve more.
I did not open them.
Not there.
I drove to Anna’s house instead.
She was standing at the kitchen counter eating hummus directly from the container with a cracker.
“You met with him?”
“Yes.”
“How bad?”
“Manageable.”
“That sounds like lawyer language already.”
I put my purse down.
“Rebecca called.”
The cracker stopped halfway to Anna’s mouth.
“Oh.”
“She kissed him.”
Anna set the cracker down very carefully.
“Okay.”
“He kissed her back.”
Anna closed the hummus.
“That feels less okay.”
“It lasted ten seconds.”
“I hate that she knows the approximate duration.”
“She replayed it.”
Anna stared at me.
“Am I allowed to dislike her now or are we still doing nuance?”
“You may dislike her.”
“Thank you.”
I sat at the table.
“She sent me messages Caleb deleted.”
Anna’s expression changed.
“You looked?”
“Not yet.”
“Do you want me here?”
“Yes.”
She sat beside me.
Not across from me.
That mattered.
I opened the first screenshot.
July 24.
Caleb:
I keep thinking about that night.
Rebecca:
Then think harder about what it means.
Caleb:
It means I wanted to kiss you.
Rebecca:
You’re married.
Caleb:
I know.
Rebecca:
You say that like a scheduling conflict.
Anna made a small sound through her nose.
“She’s annoyingly articulate.”
“I noticed.”
The next screenshot was from August 6.
Caleb:
If I leave, I can’t do it and have you disappear.
Rebecca:
Then don’t leave for me.
Caleb:
That isn’t an answer.
Rebecca:
It’s the only one you’re getting while you’re still living with your wife.
Another followed from August 12, the day after the lawyer meeting.
Caleb:
I talked to someone.
Rebecca:
A therapist?
Caleb:
Lawyer.
Rebecca:
Jesus, Caleb.
Caleb:
I needed to know what divorce would look like.
Rebecca:
Does Margot know you’re doing this?
Caleb:
Not yet.
Rebecca:
Then stop talking to me until she does.
Caleb:
Don’t do this.
Rebecca:
I mean it.
The next message did not appear until August 19.
Caleb:
A week is ridiculous.
Rebecca:
Apparently not ridiculous enough to make you tell her.
Caleb:
I’m trying to find the right time.
Rebecca:
There is no right time.
Caleb:
You don’t understand what Lucy will go through.
Rebecca:
Then maybe stop treating Lucy like the reason you lie to Margot.
Anna leaned back.
“Well.”
I could not speak.
There were more.
Not dozens.
Enough.
Rebecca refusing dinners.
Caleb persuading.
Rebecca asking whether he had talked to me.
Caleb saying soon.
Rebecca accusing him of wanting the fantasy without paying for the consequences.
Then a message from three days before the office meeting.
Caleb:
I think Margot knows something.
Rebecca:
Because she’s your wife, not because she’s psychic.
Caleb:
I’m serious.
Rebecca:
So am I.
Tell her.
Caleb:
Rebecca:
Why Thursday?
Caleb:
Because I need to know where you stand first.
I stared at the screen.
Anna read it twice.
“Where she stands.”
“Yes.”
“He wanted an answer from Rebecca before he talked to you.”
“Yes.”
My voice sounded far away.
There was one final screenshot.
It was from yesterday morning.
Rebecca:
The consulting work is real, but I’m not discussing us at your office.
Caleb:
There is no us unless we decide there is.
Rebecca:
Exactly.
Caleb:
Then stay after the pitch.
Rebecca:
Why?
Caleb:
Because I’m tired of living in between.
I set the phone down.
Anna looked at me.
“What are you thinking?”
“That he was going to choose yesterday.”
“Between you and her?”
“No.”
I stared at the untouched glass of water on her table.
“Between two versions of himself.”
Anna waited.
“And he wanted Rebecca to tell him which one he was allowed to become.”
My phone lit up again.
This time it was Caleb.
I read the message once.
Then again.
I’m leaving work early.
Please come home before Lucy gets out.
I need to tell you something before Rebecca does.
I looked at the clock.
Two hours until pickup.
Anna saw my face.
“What?”
I turned the phone toward her.
She read it.
Then she looked at me.
“Are you going?”
I picked up my purse.
“Yes.”
Not because Caleb had asked.
Because for the first time since I walked into his office, I was done waiting for other people to decide when I was allowed to know my own life.
Caleb’s car was already in the driveway when I pulled up.
The front door was unlocked.
He was sitting at the dining table with both hands wrapped around a mug he had not touched.
His tie was gone.
May you like
His shirt was wrinkled now.
For once, he looked like a man whose day had happened to him.
