Chương 5
Please do not encourage him to make a permanent decision while emotional.
Ethan laughed once.
There was no humor in it.
“That sounds like her.”
“Which one?”
“Both of them.”
My phone rang.
Denise.
I declined it.
Then Ethan’s phone lit up on the table.
Lauren.
He stared at her name.
The screen went dark.
Three seconds later it lit again.
Lauren.
Then again.
I watched his breathing change.
“Turn it off.”
“I can’t.”
“Yes, you can.”
“She’ll think something happened.”
“Something did happen.”
“No, I mean to me.”
I reached across the table but stopped before touching the phone.
His decision.
Not mine.
After the sixth call, he picked it up.
For a second I thought he was going to answer.
Instead he held down the side button until the screen went black.
His hand trembled.
Then he put the dead phone facedown between us.
“I think,” he said slowly, “I don’t want to get married tomorrow.”
For a few seconds, I did not answer him.
The sentence sat between us with more weight than anything Lauren or Denise had said all evening.
Ethan looked at me as if I might turn it into an instruction.
I did not.
“What do you want to do instead?”
He rubbed both hands over his face.
“I don’t know.”
“That is a different question.”
“I know.”
He leaned back and stared at the dark ceiling above the kitchen table.
“I want tomorrow not to happen.”
“That option is unavailable.”
His eyes dropped to mine.
“I mean the wedding.”
“I know what you mean.”
He gave me a tired, irritated look.
“You could be less literal sometimes.”
“Not tonight.”
He almost smiled.
Then the expression vanished.
“What happens if I cancel?”
“A great many expensive and uncomfortable things.”
“That’s helpful.”
“You asked what happens, not whether it will feel good.”
He folded his arms.
“The venue deposit is gone.”
“Probably.”
“Catering too.”
“Likely.”
“Her parents paid for most of that.”
“I know.”
“She’ll say I humiliated her.”
“She may.”
“She’ll tell everybody I cheated.”
“She may do that too.”
His face tightened.
“You think I deserve it.”
“I think you did cheat.”
“I kissed someone.”
“You also hid weeks of flirting.”
He looked away.
“Right.”
“That does not mean you are required to marry someone tomorrow because you behaved badly fourteen months ago.”
He stared at the turned-off phone.
“She says I owe her.”
“For staying?”
He nodded.
“And do you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then start there.”
He pushed his chair back and stood.
For a moment I thought he might leave.
Instead he wandered to the refrigerator, opened it, and stared inside.
“You still buy that terrible orange juice?”
“It is not terrible.”
“It has pulp.”
“That is where oranges come from.”
He shut the door.
“I hate pulp.”
“You have hated pulp since you were four.”
He leaned against the counter.
“It feels like drinking something with mistakes in it.”
That made me laugh before I could stop myself.
The sound surprised both of us.
Ethan smiled.
Then his eyes filled.
He looked down quickly.
“I’m really scared.”
I stood but did not go to him.
“What are you afraid she’ll do?”
“I don’t know.”
“Try.”
“She’ll scream.”
“Probably.”
“She’ll cry.”
“Probably.”
“She might come here.”
That possibility had already occurred to me.
“Then I won’t let her in.”
“She’ll call the police or something.”
“For what?”
“She’ll say I stole things.”
“Did you?”
“No.”
“Do you have belongings at the hotel?”
“Yes.”
“Anything important?”
“My wallet is here.”
“Laptop?”
“At the hotel.”
“Work laptop?”
“Personal.”
“Medication?”
“No.”
“Keys?”
“My car key is with me.”
“Passport?”
He looked annoyed.
“Why would I have my passport at the hotel?”
“Because people pack strange things when getting married.”
That earned another small smile.
Then his face tightened again.
“My suit.”
“You can live without the suit.”
“It cost eight hundred dollars.”
“You can live angrily without the suit.”
He walked back to the table.
“What if I just postpone?”
“Would you want to marry her after a postponement?”
He opened his mouth.
Nothing came out.
“That answer seems useful.”
He sat.
“I loved her.”
“I believe you.”
“I still love her.”
“I believe that too.”
He looked at me sharply.
“You’re not going to tell me love isn’t enough?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because you already know.”
He stared at his hands.
At twelve forty-seven, the doorbell rang.
Ethan stood so fast the table moved.
“No.”
I did not ask who he thought it was.
I went to the hallway and looked through the narrow window beside the front door.
Denise stood on the porch.
Lauren was behind her.
Lauren had changed out of the ivory rehearsal dress and into black leggings and a gray sweatshirt.
Her hair was pulled into a rough knot.
She looked younger that way.
More frightened too.
Denise rang the bell again.
“Margaret,” she called through the door.
“We know Ethan is here.”
Ethan had followed me into the hallway.
“How?”
“Your father, perhaps.”
“He wouldn’t.”
“Your car is parked outside.”
He looked toward the front window.
“Right.”
Lauren stepped closer to the door.
“Ethan?”
He flinched.
I noticed it.
So did he.
His embarrassment was immediate.
“Do you want to talk to her?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want her inside?”
“No.”
That answer came quickly.
I nodded.
“Then she stays outside.”
Denise knocked now.
“Margaret, please stop making this worse.”
I opened the inner wooden door but left the storm door locked.
Denise stared at me through the glass.
Her eyes moved to my cheek.
Something flickered across her face.
Not guilt exactly.
Recognition.
Lauren stood behind her with both arms folded tightly over her chest.
“Ethan is safe,” I said.
“I need to speak to him,” Lauren said.
Her voice sounded scraped raw.
I looked back.
Ethan had retreated several feet into the hallway.
“Do you want to speak to her from there?”
He swallowed.
“Yeah.”
Lauren heard him.
May you like
Her shoulders dropped.
“Ethan, please come outside.”
