Chương 12
He stared at me.
“You make everything sound simple.”
“No.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
I leaned forward.
“The action can be simple even when the feeling is not.”
He looked away.
That landed somewhere.
He picked up his phone.
For several seconds his thumb hovered over Lauren’s name.
Then he pressed call.
She answered on the first ring.
“Ethan?”
Her voice came through thin and breathless.
He closed his eyes.
“Lauren.”
“Oh my God.”
He gripped the phone harder.
“I heard you’re getting ready.”
A pause.
Then, “Yes.”
“Why?”
Another pause.
“Because I panicked.”
Ethan looked at me.
I kept my face neutral.
Lauren continued.
“I shouldn’t have said what I said last night.”
“Which part?”
“All of it.”
“That’s a lot.”
“I was upset.”
“You were honest.”
“No.”
Her voice sharpened.
“I was exhausted and humiliated.”
Ethan’s expression tightened.
“Humiliated by what?”
“You leaving.”
“I didn’t leave.”
“You went to your grandmother’s.”
“Because I was afraid to come back to the hotel.”
Silence.
Then Lauren whispered, “You said that last night.”
“It’s still true this morning.”
Another silence.
He breathed slowly through his nose.
“I am not coming to the wedding.”
Lauren started crying.
I could hear it clearly now.
“Please don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing something to you.”
“Yes, you are.”
“No.”
“Yes.”
Her voice cracked.
“You are leaving me in a hotel room in a wedding dress with everybody downstairs.”
Ethan closed his eyes.
“I didn’t tell you to get dressed.”
“That’s cruel.”
“It’s true.”
“Can’t you come here?”
“No.”
“Just talk to me face to face.”
“No.”
“Why?”
He opened his eyes.
“Because every time I’m face to face with you, I start trying to make you feel better.”
Lauren went quiet.
Ethan swallowed.
“And then I say yes to things I don’t want.”
I felt my throat tighten.
He continued.
“I don’t want to marry you today.”
Lauren whispered, “Today.”
He stopped.
That one word carried a doorway inside it.
Today could become later.
Later could become after counseling.
After counseling could become after another apology.
Ethan looked at me.
I did nothing.
He looked back at the dark phone screen.
“I don’t want to marry you.”
Lauren made a small sound.
Not a sob.
Something smaller.
The sound of a person hearing a door close from the other side.
“Ever?”
He swallowed again.
“Not unless I become somebody else and you become somebody else.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“It’s the only one I have.”
“You’re giving up.”
“Maybe.”
Her crying stopped.
Anger arrived.
Fast.
“You cheat on me, lie to me, take my money, take money from your grandmother, and I’m the one who gets abandoned.”
Ethan’s face went white.
I kept still.
He said, “I did those things.”
“You used me.”
“I did not.”
“You let me pay for everything.”
“I let you help me.”
“That’s the same thing.”
“No.”
“You would’ve married me if last night hadn’t happened.”
Ethan did not answer.
Lauren caught the silence.
“See?”
“I don’t know.”
“You do know.”
“Maybe.”
Her breathing quickened.
“You’re letting one bad night erase three years.”
“One bad night?”
“You know what I mean.”
“No.”
“I hit you once.”
“Twice.”
“The mug didn’t hit you.”
“The phone didn’t hit me either.”
“You’re counting everything now.”
“Yes.”
“That is so unfair.”
He laughed softly.
“No.”
His voice was tired.
“It’s late.”
“What?”
“It’s unfair late.”
Lauren went quiet.
He continued.
“I should’ve counted sooner.”
Her voice changed.
Lower.
Colder.
“And what are you counting for yourself?”
He blinked.
“Everything.”
“No, you’re not.”
“Yes.”
“You’re hiding behind your family.”
“I’m sitting in my grandmother’s kitchen.”
“Exactly.”
“She got slapped because of us.”
“You provoked me.”
The room changed.
Ethan went completely still.
So did I.
Lauren must have heard herself.
“I didn’t mean—”
“You just said I provoked you.”
“No.”
“You did.”
“I meant you pushed me emotionally.”
He looked toward the back door.
Daniel’s shadow was visible through the glass.
“I’m ending the call.”
“Ethan.”
“I am not coming.”
“Ethan, don’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t hang up.”
“I’m sorry.”
“If you hang up, don’t ever call me again.”
His eyes closed.
Then he ended the call.
For several seconds he stared at the screen.
His hand shook.
I did not touch him.
He finally set the phone down.
“She said it.”
“Yes.”
“I almost didn’t hear it.”
“I know.”
“I almost started explaining.”
“I know.”
He looked at me.
“Why didn’t you stop me?”
“Because you stopped yourself.”
That hurt him in a different way.
He looked down.
“I feel sick.”
“Bathroom is still where it was when you were twelve.”
He laughed once.
Then he did get sick.
I heard him in the downstairs bathroom while I stood in the kitchen pretending not to.
There are indignities a person deserves privacy for.
When he returned, he had washed his face.
He looked gray.
I handed him water.
He drank half the glass at once.
Then someone pounded on the front door.
Not three polite taps this time.
Daniel came in from the back.
“What now?”
The pounding came again.
A woman shouted from outside.
“Ethan!”
Lauren.
He froze.
Daniel moved toward the hallway.
I stopped him with one hand against his chest.
“No.”
“That’s her.”
“I’m aware.”
“She needs to leave.”
“Yes.”
“But not through you.”
Ethan stared at me.
“Grandma.”
“You decide.”
He closed his eyes.
The pounding stopped.
For one second there was silence.
Then Lauren shouted, “I know you’re in there.”
A neighbor’s dog began barking.
Wonderful.
Nothing completes a family collapse like neighborhood participation.
Ethan set down the glass.
“I’ll talk to her.”
“At the door?”
“Yes.”
“Door stays locked.”
He nodded.
We went to the foyer.
Lauren stood on the porch in a white robe with makeup half finished and her hair pinned into elaborate curls that belonged to a bride who no longer existed.
A black SUV idled at the curb.
Denise sat inside.
Of course she did.
May you like
Lauren saw Ethan through the glass.
Her face crumpled.
