Chương 10
Then I stood in front of the mirror wearing a blue button-down shirt and felt ridiculous.
I changed into a sweater.
Then I changed back.
At eight forty-five, I left the hotel.
Independence Park was already busy when I arrived.
A youth soccer practice occupied one field, and a man in running clothes was arguing with a golden retriever that had no interest in returning a tennis ball.
Samantha sat alone on a bench near the playground.
She wore jeans, sneakers, and a green jacket I vaguely remembered from our marriage.
For some reason, seeing her out of uniform affected me more than seeing the twins had.
She looked like the woman I had once known.
She also looked completely separate from her.
I stopped several feet away.
“You’re early.”
“So are you.”
“I wanted coffee.”
She lifted a paper cup.
“There’s a place around the corner.”
“I already had some.”
“That makes one of us who planned well.”
I sat at the opposite end of the bench.
For nearly a minute, we watched a little girl climb the wrong side of a slide while her father negotiated with her as if she were a hostage taker.
Samantha rubbed both hands around the coffee cup.
“You look nervous.”
“I am.”
“Good.”
I looked at her.
She shrugged.
“If you weren’t nervous, I’d be worried.”
“Helpful.”
“You didn’t marry me for comfort.”
The sentence escaped before either of us could prepare for it.
She looked down.
“I guess not.”
The old pain appeared briefly and then receded.
I leaned forward and rested my forearms on my knees.
“What did you tell them?”
“That you’re their father.”
My chest tightened.
“When?”
“Friday night.”
“How did they react?”
“Lucas asked if you knew Paw Patrol.”
I blinked.
Samantha almost smiled.
“Noah asked why you had been gone.”
That one hurt more.
“What did you say?”
“That adults sometimes make mistakes and that you didn’t know where they were.”
“Did you tell them why?”
“No.”
“Do you plan to?”
“Eventually.”
I looked toward the playground.
“They deserve the truth.”
“They deserve a version of the truth they can survive at four.”
I nodded.
She was right.
I hated how often she was right.
“What do they think happens today?”
“That they meet you.”
“Do they know I want to be part of their lives?”
Samantha turned toward me.
“Do you?”
The question offended me for about half a second.
Then I understood why she had to ask.
“Yes.”
“Even after the shock wears off?”
“Yes.”
“Even when it means school pickups and stomach bugs and rearranging work and missing dinners because one of them has an ear infection?”
“Yes.”
“Even when they’re angry with you for something that isn’t entirely your fault?”
I met her eyes.
“Yes.”
She looked away.
“Okay.”
“Is that enough?”
“No.”
At least she was honest.
“What would be enough?”
“Time.”
I nodded again.
A minivan pulled into the parking lot.
Samantha’s whole posture changed.
“They’re here.”
My mouth went dry.
Carla climbed from the driver’s seat.
Then two small bodies spilled from the back.
Lucas ran first.
Noah stayed close to Carla until he spotted Samantha.
Then both boys raced across the grass.
Samantha stood.
I did not.
Every instinct told me to move toward them.
I stayed on the bench.
Lucas reached Samantha and collided with her legs.
Noah hugged her from the side.
They both began talking at once.
Carla walked behind them carrying two backpacks and a paper bag.
She gave me a measured look.
“You must be Ethan.”
“Yes.”
“I’m Carla.”
“I remember.”
“She remembers everybody,” Lucas announced.
Carla handed Samantha the backpacks.
“I’ll be nearby for an hour.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I know.”
Something passed between the women.
Carla looked at me again.
Then she walked toward the coffee shop across the street.
The twins turned toward me.
Lucas stared openly.
Noah hid halfway behind Samantha.
I stood slowly.
“Hi.”
Lucas looked at Samantha.
“That’s him?”
Samantha nodded.
“That’s Ethan.”
Lucas considered me.
“You’re taller.”
“Than what?”
“The picture.”
I looked at Samantha.
She shrugged.
“I showed them one.”
“Which one?”
“The wedding photo with your cousin Mark.”
I groaned.
“My hair was terrible.”
Lucas stared at my head.
“It’s still kind of weird.”
Samantha choked on her coffee.
Noah laughed from behind her jacket.
I looked at Lucas.
“I appreciate the honesty.”
“You’re welcome.”
He stepped closer.
Noah did not.
I kept my hands at my sides.
Lucas looked at my shoes.
Then my watch.
Then my face.
“Mom says you’re our dad.”
The word landed without ceremony.
“Yes.”
“Where were you?”
Samantha opened her mouth.
I answered first.
“I was living far away, and I didn’t know you were here.”
Lucas frowned.
“How do you not know two people?”
It was an excellent question.
“Some adults made bad decisions.”
“Were you one?”
“Yes.”
Samantha looked at me.
Lucas accepted that with the casual seriousness of a child filing away information for later.
“Do you like dinosaurs?”
“I like some dinosaurs.”
“Which ones?”
“Triceratops.”
He looked disappointed.
“That’s basic.”
“Apparently I need better dinosaur opinions.”
Noah moved slightly out from behind Samantha.
“What about ankylosaurus?”
“I respect ankylosaurus.”
That seemed acceptable.
Noah stepped fully into view.
For the first time, I saw how different the boys were.
Lucas had Samantha’s sharp expressions and restless energy.
Noah watched before he moved.
He studied me with the same cautious attention my father had used with strangers.
“You look like me,” he said.
“I was thinking you look like me.”
“No.”
He shook his head.
“I was here first.”
Samantha laughed.
The sound caught me by surprise.
I had forgotten how much I once loved hearing it.
We moved toward the playground.
The boys ran ahead.
I followed at a distance until Lucas turned around.
“Are you coming?”
“Yes.”
“Then come.”
May you like
So I did.
For the next forty minutes, they treated me less like a father than an unfamiliar adult who happened to be useful.
