Chương 5
"You hid crackers in your room."
"Because I was hungry."
Julian stopped the recording.
Corinne folded her arms.
"That's exactly what I'm talking about."
He stared at her.
"What part?"
"The manipulation."
Desmond made a sound under his breath.
Julian looked at him.
"Don't."
Desmond's jaw tightened.
Julian hated himself for the sharpness immediately, but the boy had already gone quiet.
Corinne seized on it.
"You see?"
Julian turned back to her.
"Don't use me correcting him as proof that you're right."
"I'm not."
"You are."
She looked toward the windows.
Outside, Mrs. Alvarez's sprinkler had clicked on and begun throwing a silver fan of water across her front lawn.
The ordinary rhythm of it made the dining room feel even more unreal.
Julian pressed play again.
Wren was crying now.
Not loudly.
That was the part he could not bear.
"Please."
"No."
"Just milk?"
"No."
"Can I have water?"
There was a pause.
"Water is fine."
The recording shifted, then Corinne's voice came closer.
"And stop doing that."
"Doing what?"
"Crying because you don't like an answer."
"I'm not."
"You are."
A cabinet opened.
Wren sniffed.
"When does Dad come home?"
Corinne's recorded voice sharpened almost imperceptibly.
"Do not bring your father into this."
"I want Dad."
"He isn't here."
Julian's thumb froze over the button.
Something moved behind his ribs, a pressure almost painful.
The recording continued before he could stop it.
"He doesn't know what you do when he's gone."
Silence.
Then Wren said, "I can tell him."
Another silence followed.
Longer.
Corinne's voice when it returned was very calm.
"And what exactly are you going to tell him?"
Wren did not answer.
"That Mommy won't let you eat cookies for breakfast?"
"No."
"That Mommy expects you to follow rules?"
"No."
"Then what?"
"I don't know."
"Exactly."
Julian shut it off.
Corinne was crying.
Not dramatically.
One tear had escaped and left a narrow line through her makeup.
She wiped it away with the side of her hand and seemed angry that it had happened.
"You don't hear what comes before that."
Julian's voice was flat.
"What comes before a six-year-old begging for milk?"
"Months of her using you against me."
"Using me how?"
"Every time I discipline her, she wants Dad."
"She's a child."
"And I'm a person."
The sentence landed differently from her others.
Julian said nothing.
Corinne pressed her lips together.
"When you walk in, they light up."
Her eyes stayed on the table.
"You get the version of them that's been waiting for you."
Julian watched her fingers twist her wedding ring.
"I get homework arguments and bathroom messes and the same question asked fourteen times and Desmond rolling his eyes because apparently breathing near him is oppressive now."
Desmond looked away.
Corinne continued.
"And you get hugs."
There was no accusation in the last word.
That made it worse.
Julian leaned back against the counter.
"Corinne."
"I know how it sounds."
"No, I don't think you do."
She looked at him.
"I resented you."
He expected denial after that.
It did not come.
"I resented that you could leave."
Her voice had thinned.
"I resented that nobody asked whether you were patient enough because you weren't here long enough to be tested."
Julian rubbed his palm over his mouth.
"You could have told me."
"I did."
He looked up.
"I told you I was overwhelmed."
"You told me you were tired."
"I told you I couldn't keep doing everything."
"I thought you meant you needed help around the house."
"I needed you."
The words were barely audible.
Desmond shifted in his chair.
Corinne glanced at him and seemed to remember he was there.
Her face hardened again almost at once.
Julian noticed the transition.
He wondered how often she had done that in front of the children, letting something human rise and then crushing it before they could see.
"That explains why you were angry with me," he said.
"It doesn't explain this."
Corinne's eyes dropped to the recorder.
"No."
The admission came quietly.
Julian waited.
She did not continue.
Desmond did.
"There's more."
Corinne looked at him.
"Of course there is."
The bitterness in her voice made Desmond straighten.
Julian lifted the recorder.
"What do you mean?"
Desmond swallowed.
"I started recording because of Tuesday."
"What happened Tuesday?"
Corinne spoke first.
"Nothing."
Desmond looked at Julian.
"Mom forgot Wren was in the pantry."
Julian did not understand the sentence.
"What?"
Corinne moved so abruptly that the water glass shook when her hip hit the table.
"That's not what happened."
Desmond flinched but kept going.
"She locked it."
"The pantry?"
"She locked the doors."
"With Wren inside?"
Corinne shook her head.
"I didn't know she was in there."
Julian felt the back of his neck go cold.
"How long?"
Desmond stared at his hands.
"I don't know."
"Des."
"Maybe twenty minutes."
Corinne stepped closer.
"It was not twenty minutes."
"How long?"
"I don't know."
"You just said it wasn't twenty."
"Because it wasn't."
"Then how long?"
Corinne's voice rose.
"Seven minutes, maybe ten, I don't know."
Julian could hear his own pulse.
"Why was she inside?"
"She went in without permission."
"For food?"
Corinne closed her eyes.
Julian's hand tightened around the recorder.
Desmond whispered, "She was looking for bread."
Julian turned toward the pantry doors.
The silver locks were still hanging there.
He pictured the stainless steel from the inside.
No windows.
No way to open the padlocks once they were secured from outside.
His stomach turned.
"What happened when you found her?"
Desmond's mouth tightened.
"She was screaming."
Corinne snapped, "She was not screaming."
Desmond looked at her.
"You couldn't hear her because the vacuum was on."
The room went still.
Julian looked from one of them to the other.
Corinne's face had changed again.
Not rage now.
Fear.
"How did you find her?"
"I came home."
"From school?"
"Practice got canceled."
Julian remembered Tuesday.
May you like
He had been in Richmond.
He had sent Corinne a message at six asking whether she wanted him to pick up dinner on the way back.
