Chương 3

Marissa looked at Ethan for several seconds before answering.“Yes.”Something inside my chest seemed to contract.Ethan’s voice became almost inaudible.“Who was in it?”Marissa rubbed her thumb over the damp edge of the cocktail napkin.“A woman.”“What woman?”“I don’t know.”“What did she look like?”“Ethan.”“What did she look like?”Marissa’s eyes came to me.That was enough.I felt my pulse in my throat.“Was it me?”She closed her eyes.“Yes.”Ethan turned toward me so quickly that the movement looked involuntary.I did not move.“What picture?” I asked.“I don’t know where it was taken.”“Describe it.”“You were outside.”“Where?”“There were trees.”“That narrows it down.”“I’m trying.”Her breathing became uneven again.“You were wearing jeans and a blue sweater, and you were holding one of those paper coffee cups.”Ethan made a sound under his breath.I looked at him.“What?”He stared at the grass.“I took that picture.”A cold pressure settled behind my ribs.“When?”“Blue Ridge.”I remembered immediately.Three years before our divorce, Ethan and I had spent a weekend in Asheville with Daniel and two other friends.On the drive home, we stopped at an overlook along the Blue Ridge Parkway.It had been cold enough that I bought bad coffee from a roadside kiosk and complained about it for twenty miles.Ethan took a picture of me beside a railing because the mountains behind me were turning gold.I had forgotten the photograph existed.Daniel apparently had not.“How did he get it?” I asked.Ethan shook his head.“I sent everybody the pictures afterward.”Marissa looked sick.“He told me that was his wife.”Nobody spoke.A server passed behind us carrying a tray of champagne flutes.For one absurd second, I wanted one.I hardly drank.I disliked champagne in particular.Still, the idea of doing something as simple as lifting a glass and swallowing felt enviable.Ethan leaned both hands against the bar.“So Daniel told you he was married to Claire.”“He never said her name.”“He showed you her picture.”“Yes.”“And told you she couldn’t have children.”Marissa’s mouth tightened.“Yes.”I watched Ethan absorb that.During our marriage, he had blamed me for plenty of things.He had never accused Daniel of anything worse than being unreliable with money and incapable of arriving anywhere on time.Daniel had been the person Ethan defended when everyone else rolled their eyes.“He’s family,” Ethan used to say.Apparently family had meant something very different to Daniel.“When did he show you the picture?” I asked.“Before I got pregnant.”“How long before?”“A few weeks.”“Why?”Marissa looked embarrassed now, which was strange after everything else.“I asked why he never stayed overnight.”My stomach turned.“He said his wife checked his location.”Ethan straightened.“I didn’t even share location with Claire then.”“I know that now.”Marissa looked at him.“I didn’t know anything about either of you.”“You knew his last name.”“Mercer is not exactly rare.”“In Savannah?”“I wasn’t running background checks on men I was sleeping with.”The words were sharper than anything she had said all evening.Ethan recoiled slightly.Marissa saw it and laughed once.“There.”“There what?”“That face.”“What face?”“The one where you decide I should have been smarter.”“I didn’t say that.”“You didn’t have to.”He opened his mouth.She cut him off.“I was twenty-one when I met him.”“You said twenty-two.”“I was twenty-two when Lily was born.”Her voice rose, then dropped when several guests looked over.“I worked mornings at a dental office and nights three days a week at a restaurant.”She pressed a hand against her forehead.“I thought he was older and married and unhappy.”“You were okay with that?”Ethan asked it before he could stop himself.Marissa stared at him.“There it is.”“I’m asking.”“No, you’re judging.”“I’m trying to understand.”“So am I.”The silence that followed was ugly and real.I had no interest in rescuing either of them from it.Then Ethan looked at me.“Did you know she thought Daniel was married to you?”“No.”“You never asked?”“I didn’t know Daniel was the father until after Lily was born.”Marissa stiffened.“That isn’t exactly true.”I turned toward her.“What does that mean?”“You suspected.”“I suspected something.”“You asked me in the hospital.”“I asked whether Daniel Mercer was the father because I heard you say his name on the phone.”“That sounds like more than suspicion.”“Fine.”The irritation in my own voice surprised me.“I suspected Daniel was Lily’s father for about six hours before you confirmed it.”Ethan looked between us.“You confirmed it to Claire?”Marissa said nothing.“Marissa.”“Yes.”“How?”“She asked me directly.”“And you just told her?”“No.”I almost laughed at that.She had made me work for it.Seven years earlier, I had stood beside her hospital bed while she refused to answer the same question four different ways.Finally, she had said, “If I tell you, you’ll hate me.”I had told her she was overestimating how much energy I had left for strangers.That had made her cry.“I was adopting her baby,” I said.“I needed the medical history.”Ethan’s eyes narrowed.“You were already adopting Lily before you knew who the father was?”“Yes.”“How?”The question carried suspicion.I hated that my body still reacted to it.My shoulders tightened.My jaw clenched.“I had been matched with another expectant mother.”“What happened?”“She chose to parent.”He blinked.I had never told him.The failed match happened four months after I moved out and two months after our divorce became final.I had spent three days in a hotel room in Jacksonville waiting for paperwork that was never signed.Then I drove home alone.Ethan had no claim to that memory.“After that,” I said, “my attorney called about another situation.”“Marissa.”“Yes.”“You adopted a child connected to my family and didn’t tell me.”“I didn’t know she was connected to your family until I got to the hospital.”“And then?”“I almost walked away.”Marissa looked at me.This part belonged to both of us.She had been sitting in the bed with Lily asleep against her chest.I had stood near the door with my purse still over my shoulder.Neither of us had trusted the other.Neither of us had wanted to be there.“I told her she should leave,” Marissa said.Ethan turned to her.“You did?”“Yes.”“Why?”“Because she was your ex-wife.”The correction came automatically.“We were still technically married.”Ethan looked at me.“What?”“Our divorce wasn’t final for another six weeks.”His face tightened.I had forgotten he might not remember the dates.“You were adopting a baby while we were still married?”“Legally separated.”“That isn’t what I asked.”“I know.”“You didn’t tell me.”“You had already moved in with somebody else.”“I had not moved in with anybody.”“You were sleeping at Rebecca’s apartment five nights a week.”“That is not moving in.”“Her dog knew your schedule.”Marissa made a tiny sound.It took me a second to realize she had almost laughed.Ethan looked annoyed.Strangely, the annoyance made the moment feel less unbearable.For five seconds we were not standing beside an exposed family secret.We were merely two divorced people arguing over an old technicality.Then Lily’s voice floated from behind me.“Mommy?”I turned immediately.She stood ten feet away beside Nora, holding a plate with an enormous slice of white cake.Frosting already marked the corner of her mouth.Nora’s expression told me she had assessed the situation from a distance and found it deeply suspicious.“Negotiations went well,” I said.Lily smiled.“The bride said yes.”“Of course she did.”Nora looked at Ethan, then Marissa, then me.“Everything okay?”“No,” I said.Ethan said, “We’re fine.”Nora raised one eyebrow.“That clears it up.”Lily wandered closer.She looked at Marissa.“Do you want some?”Marissa stared at the cake.“What?”“Cake.”“No, sweetheart.”“It’s vanilla.”“I’m okay.”Lily took another bite.Then she looked at Ethan.“You were married to my mom?”His entire face changed.Children had a talent for asking questions that demolished adult defenses without effort.“Yes,” he said.“For how long?”“Almost nine years.”“That’s a lot.”“It felt like it sometimes.”I looked at him.He looked back.For once, there was no mockery in his expression.Lily considered us both.“Did you fight?”Nora cleared her throat.“Okay, investigative journalism is over.”“I’m just asking.”“You can just ask while walking.”Nora put a hand on Lily’s shoulder.“Come help me find your shoes.”“I have shoes.”“One of them is missing a strap.”Lily looked down.“Oh.”She followed Nora away without protest.Before leaving, she turned and waved at Marissa.Marissa lifted her hand weakly.The second Lily was out of hearing range, she looked at me.“She has your mannerisms.”“No, she doesn’t.”“She does.”“She met me when she was three days old.”“That’s exactly what I mean.”Marissa swallowed.“Whatever comes from raising someone, she has that.”I did not know what to do with the tenderness in her voice.So I did nothing.Ethan was watching her now.Not accusing.Watching.“You’ve looked her up, haven’t you?” he asked.Marissa’s hand dropped.I turned toward her.“What?”She stared at Ethan.He nodded slowly.“That’s why you recognized her before Claire said anything.”Marissa shook her head.“I recognized Claire.”“No.”Ethan’s voice was quieter.“You were looking at Lily before Claire even came over.”I thought back.Had she been?I could not remember.The reception had been crowded.I had been too busy preparing myself to see Ethan.“You’ve seen pictures,” he said.Marissa looked trapped.“Public ones.”My stomach tightened.“Where?”“Online.”“My accounts are private.”“Not all of them.”“What does that mean?”“The clinic posted something.”I remembered.Last spring, our hospital network had run a fundraising feature about pediatric literacy.Lily had appeared in one photograph helping me stack donated books.Her first name was not included.Marissa must have found it anyway.“How long have you been looking for her?” I asked.“I wasn’t looking for her.”“Don’t.”She flinched.“I searched your name.”“When?”“A few times.”“How many?”“I don’t know.”“More than ten?”Her silence answered.Ethan stared at her.“For four years, you knew Claire had Lily?”“No.”Marissa shook her head quickly.“I didn’t find the clinic photo until eleven months ago.”“And you said nothing.”“I didn’t know what I was supposed to say.”“You could have started with the truth.”She turned on him.“You want to talk about truth?”His face hardened.“Yes.”“Fine.”Marissa reached into the small clutch on the bar and pulled out her phone.Her hands were shaking again.She unlocked it, opened something, then held the screen toward me.It was a photograph of Lily at the hospital literacy event.My throat tightened.Below it was another saved image.Older.Lily at five, standing beside me outside a charity fun run.Then another.A Christmas fundraiser.A school supply drive.“You saved them,” I said.Marissa nodded.“Why?”“I don’t know.”“Yes, you do.”Her eyes filled.“Because I wanted to know she was okay.”I looked at the phone.There were more images than I expected.Not hundreds.Enough.Ethan reached for it.Marissa pulled it away.“What else is on there?” he asked.“Nothing that belongs to you.”His face changed.“Daniel?”She went still.I looked at her.Ethan had guessed correctly.“Show me,” I said.Marissa did not move.“Show me what you saved about Daniel.”Slowly, she opened her email instead.She searched an old address.One message appeared.The date was seven years earlier.Marissa handed me the phone.The subject line read, Please don’t contact me again.The message was short.I read it twice.Daniel had written that the adoption was the cleanest solution, that his wife could never know, and that Marissa needed to stop threatening a family she did not understand.At the bottom was one final sentence.If you tell Claire, you will destroy her marriage too.I looked up.Ethan had read over my shoulder.His lips parted.Marissa whispered, “That’s why I thought Claire was his wife.”I looked at the message again.Then at Ethan.Daniel had not merely lied to Marissa.He had known exactly who I was.And whatever secret he had been protecting, he had believed telling me about Lily would destroy my marriage.