Chương 6
Victoria faced Elena again.
“The call was from my mother.”
Elena did not understand why that mattered.
Victoria seemed to expect the confusion.
“She’s been telling me for months that I’m letting staff raise Leo.”
Marcus muttered something.
Victoria spun toward him.
“Don’t.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You made a sound.”
“I breathed.”
“You breathed judgmentally.”
Rosa covered her mouth.
Elena looked at her.
Rosa whispered, “Sorry.”
Victoria ignored them.
“My mother thinks I’m weak.”
Marcus leaned against the doorframe.
“Your mother thinks everyone is weak except dead presidents.”
Victoria gave him a furious look.
“That is not helpful.”
“No.”
He rubbed his forehead.
“It’s also true.”
Elena felt the strange shape of their marriage shift again.
There was history here that had nothing to do with her.
Old insults.
Old alliances.
Old defenses they could reach without thinking.
Victoria looked back at Elena.
“She said Leo would grow up thinking you were his mother.”
Elena’s stomach tightened.
“She said that today?”
“Yes.”
“And you believed her?”
Victoria’s eyes filled again.
“I don’t know.”
The answer sounded more honest than anything else she had said.
Elena held the peas against her hip.
“You came upstairs after that.”
“Yes.”
“You heard him crying.”
“Yes.”
“You heard me with him.”
“Yes.”
“And then you came in.”
Victoria nodded.
Elena remembered the door opening.
Victoria standing there without speaking.
Her expression had been strange, but Elena had assumed she was simply irritated.
“I asked if you wanted to take him.”
Victoria looked down.
“You did.”
“You said no.”
“I know.”
“Then you followed me into the hallway.”
Victoria nodded again.
Marcus’s jaw tightened.
Elena kept her eyes on Victoria.
“Why didn’t you take him when I offered?”
The question seemed to land somewhere deep.
Victoria looked at Leo.
“Because I thought he would cry.”
Elena waited.
Victoria’s face twisted.
“And I didn’t want you to see.”
Marcus looked away.
Rosa’s expression changed.
Even Elena felt some of the anger drain out of her.
Not all.
Not nearly all.
But enough to make room for something sadder.
“You kicked me because you were embarrassed?”
Victoria closed her eyes.
“No.”
She opened them again.
“I kicked you because you turned away from me.”
Elena frowned.
“When?”
“When I reached for him.”
“You were angry.”
“I know.”
“You were yelling.”
“I know.”
“You grabbed the carrier strap.”
Marcus straightened.
“You grabbed it?”
Victoria shot him a look.
“I didn’t pull.”
“You grabbed a carrier with our child inside it?”
“I said I didn’t pull.”
Elena felt her heartbeat increase again.
She touched Leo’s back.
“I turned because you grabbed him.”
“I grabbed the strap.”
“The strap was holding him.”
Victoria looked at the floor.
Marcus stepped forward.
“That’s why she turned away.”
“Yes.”
“And then you kicked her.”
“Yes.”
Marcus’s face went hard.
Victoria lifted her chin.
“Go ahead.”
He stopped.
“Do what?”
“Look at me like I’m insane.”
“I’m trying not to.”
“Try harder.”
Marcus stared at her.
Victoria laughed through tears.
“There.”
“What?”
“That face.”
“What face?”
“The one where you become calm because I’m not.”
Marcus opened his mouth.
Victoria pointed at him.
“You do that every time.”
He closed it.
Elena glanced at Rosa.
Rosa raised her eyebrows slightly.
For once Marcus had no answer.
Victoria wiped her cheeks.
“I know what I did.”
Her voice shook.
“I know it was wrong.”
Elena watched her.
Victoria breathed in slowly.
“But everybody keeps looking at me like I woke up this morning wanting to hurt my child.”
“No one said that,” Elena said.
“You didn’t have to.”
Elena considered the woman in front of her.
The red cheek.
The shaking hands.
The expensive suit.
The fear underneath all of it.
Then she thought about the impact against her hip.
Leo’s startled scream.
The wall rushing toward them.
“You could have hurt him.”
Victoria flinched.
“Yes.”
“You could have hurt me.”
“Yes.”
“And being scared of losing him doesn’t make that smaller.”
Victoria looked at her.
“No.”
Elena nodded.
“That’s all I needed you to say.”
Victoria’s face folded.
This time she did not hide it.
May you like
She turned away, pressed both hands over her mouth, and began to cry without sound.
Marcus took one step toward her and stopped.His hand rose halfway, an instinct to touch her shoulder perhaps, before he seemed to remember the mark on her cheek and let it fall.Victoria noticed.A broken laugh escaped behind her fingers.“Right.”Marcus’s face tightened.“No.”“Don’t.”“I wasn’t going to—”“I said don’t.”He obeyed.Elena watched them from the bench and felt something she did not like gathering inside her.Pity could become dangerous in a house like this.Pity made employees forgive things that employers would never forgive from them.She pressed the frozen peas harder against her hip.Victoria dragged both palms down her face.Her mascara had begun to smudge faintly beneath one eye.“I need a minute.”Marcus nodded.“Take one.”“Not with an audience.”Rosa stiffened beside Elena.Marcus looked toward the sitting room.“You can go in there.”Victoria stared at him.“You’re giving me permission to use my own room now?”He exhaled.“That isn’t what I meant.”“You keep saying that today.”She walked into the sitting room and shut the door.Not slammed.That somehow made the sound more final.Marcus remained in the hallway.Rosa looked at him.“So.”He glanced at her.“So?”“What are you going to do?”Marcus seemed offended by the directness, then too tired to sustain it.“I don’t know.”Rosa nodded.“That is at least an honest answer.”Elena nudged her lightly with one elbow.“Rosa.”“What?”“She asked.”“I didn’t.”“He knows I mean him.”Marcus almost smiled.“Unfortunately.”Leo stirred against Elena.His mouth opened in a sleepy complaint.Elena felt the familiar warning before a full wake-up.She began rubbing his back.Marcus stepped closer, then stopped outside arm’s reach.“Can I see him?”The question surprised her.He had never asked permission before.Elena looked down at the carrier.“Yes.”Marcus crouched.Leo’s eyes opened to narrow dark slits.For a second the baby studied his father without recognition.Then one tiny hand emerged from between them.Marcus offered a finger.Leo caught it.The change in Marcus’s face was immediate.Not dramatic.Just softer around the mouth.“There you are.”Leo blinked.Marcus whispered, “Hey, buddy.”Elena looked away.The intimacy felt private even with the baby still attached to her body.A truck backed up somewhere beyond the front drive, beeping three times.Rosa checked her watch.“The grocery delivery.”Nobody moved.“It is still Wednesday,” she said.Marcus looked at her.“What?”“The groceries do not care about family collapse.”Elena covered a laugh with a cough.Marcus actually smiled this time.“Can you handle it?”Rosa stood.“I handle everything.”She walked toward the stairs.Halfway there, she turned.“Elena, do not move.”Elena looked down at the sleeping child strapped to her.“I was planning to run a marathon.”Rosa pointed at her approvingly and disappeared.Marcus remained crouched.Leo loosened his grip on his finger.“He likes you,” Elena said.Marcus’s smile vanished.“That sounded almost accusatory.”“It wasn’t.”“I deserve it if it was.”Elena said nothing.Marcus sat on the edge of the bench, leaving a careful space between them.For several seconds they listened to Leo breathe.Then Marcus said, “I’ve missed a lot.”Elena looked at him.He was not asking for reassurance.So she did not give any.“Yes.”He nodded slowly.“I thought working from home two days a week counted.”“You work from the library.”“I’m still home.”“Technically.”Marcus looked at her.“That sounded accusatory.”“That one was.”He gave a small breath of laughter.Then his expression darkened again.“I shouldn’t have hit her.”“No.”“I saw her kick you and I just—”Elena turned her head.Marcus stopped.“Sorry.”“You don’t have to explain it to me.”“I feel like I do.”“I’m the wrong person.”He looked toward the closed sitting-room door.“Yes.”Elena shifted the peas against her hip.“Maybe don’t explain it at all.”Marcus frowned.“What do you mean?”“An explanation can sound like an excuse.”He considered that.“Fair.”“When you apologize, apologize.”He looked at her.“You’re very good at telling rich people uncomfortable things today.”“I may be unemployed already.”“You’re not.”Elena’s expression changed.Marcus noticed.“What?”“You can’t decide that right now.”“Why not?”“Because your wife employs me too.”“So do I.”“And she just kicked me while I was holding her baby.”He looked down.“Yes.”“You don’t get to fix that by promising me my job.”“I wasn’t trying to buy your silence.”“I didn’t say you were.”“But you thought it.”Elena stared at the abstract painting across from them.It looked like someone had spilled blue paint across a white canvas and charged ten thousand dollars for refusing to clean it up.“I thought something close.”Marcus rubbed both hands over his knees.“I don’t know what to say.”“That might be good.”The sitting-room door opened.Victoria stood there.Her face had been washed.The makeup beneath her eyes was gone entirely now, leaving her looking unfamiliar and strangely tired.She had removed her jacket.Without it, she seemed smaller.“I heard that.”Marcus stood.Victoria looked at Elena.“The part about the job.”Elena waited.Victoria stepped into the hallway.“I’m not firing you.”Elena’s jaw tightened.“That isn’t what I asked.”“I know.”“You shouldn’t decide it either.”Victoria stopped.Marcus glanced between them.Elena continued before she could lose nerve.“I need to decide if I’m staying.”Something flashed in Victoria’s face.Fear again.This time she did not cover it with anger.“Of course.”Elena had expected resistance.The easy agreement unsettled her.Victoria tucked a strand of hair behind one ear.“I also think you should get checked.”Marcus opened his mouth.Victoria looked at him.“Don’t.”He closed it.Victoria returned her attention to Elena.“I’m not ordering you.”“Okay.”“If you want to go.”“I might.”“I’ll pay for it.”Elena hesitated.“That depends.”“On what?”“Whether it counts as something that happened at work.”Marcus looked toward Victoria.Victoria’s face went blank.The practical reality entered the hallway like another person.Workers’ compensation.Insurance.Incident reports.Possibly lawyers.Possibly police.Possibly cameras.Marcus stood very still.Victoria lowered herself onto a chair opposite them.“Yes,” she said.“It happened at work.”Elena watched her carefully.“You understand I might have to report what happened.”Victoria swallowed.“Yes.”Marcus looked surprised.Victoria noticed.“What?”“Nothing.”“No, say it.”“I thought you’d fight her on that.”“So did I.”“You still might.”Victoria gave him a tired look.“Thank you for the vote of confidence.”Marcus sat again.“I’m not trying to attack you.”“I know.”The words were bitter.“I just can’t tell anymore when you are.”Leo began moving.His face screwed up, and Elena recognized hunger before the first cry came.“There we go,” she murmured.Victoria’s body reacted instantly.She sat forward.“What does he need?”Elena glanced at the clock near the staircase.“Bottle.”“There are bottles in the nursery.”“Yes.”Victoria stood.“I’ll get one.”Elena instinctively tightened her hold.Victoria saw it.The hurt on her face came quickly.“I said I’ll get it.”“You can bring it here.”“That’s what I meant.”Marcus began to stand.Victoria looked at him.“Please.”He sat back down.Victoria headed upstairs.Elena watched until she disappeared.Marcus leaned toward her.“Was that okay?”“I don’t know.”He nodded.“At least we agree on something.”Leo’s fussing rose.Elena unfastened the small cloth tucked beside the carrier and dabbed his mouth.“He’ll be fine for a minute.”Marcus watched.“Can I ask something?”“You’re going to anyway.”“Do you think she’s dangerous to him?”Elena looked at him.The question carried more than he seemed prepared to hear.She chose her words carefully.“I think she was dangerous to him today.”Marcus’s face tightened.“That’s not quite what I asked.”“I know.”“Do you think this is something bigger?”Elena listened to Leo’s growing complaint.“I think you should stop asking the maid to diagnose your marriage.”He sat back.A small, embarrassed smile appeared.“That’s fair.”“Also, I’m not a nanny.”“I know.”“Apparently nobody in this house knows what I do.”Marcus glanced toward the stairs Rosa had disappeared down.“Rosa does.”“Rosa knows what everyone does.”“She terrifies me.”“She should.”Victoria reappeared carrying a bottle.She held it carefully in both hands.Elena noticed immediately that the milk had separated slightly.“Did you warm it?”Victoria stopped.“Yes.”“How?”“The warmer.”“How long?”“I don’t know.”Elena held out her hand.Victoria gave her the bottle.Elena tested a drop against the inside of her wrist.Too hot.She looked up.Victoria’s face changed before she spoke.“It’s too warm.”Elena nodded.“I’ll fix it.”Victoria reached for the bottle.Elena hesitated, then gave it back.“Run it under cool water.”“For how long?”“Until it feels lukewarm.”Victoria nodded.Then she looked embarrassed.“I know how to warm a bottle.”Elena met her eyes.“Then you were distracted.”Victoria swallowed.“Yes.”She went toward the nearest bathroom.Marcus stared after her.“She hates being corrected.”“I noticed.”“She once returned a car because the salesman showed her how to pair her phone.”Elena looked at him.“Seriously?”“She bought the same model somewhere else.”“That’s ridiculous.”“It was very expensive ridiculous.”Despite herself, Elena laughed.Leo objected loudly.“All right, all right.”She shifted him gently.Victoria returned.She handed the bottle to Elena and waited.Elena tested it.“Good.”Relief crossed Victoria’s face.Then Elena began unfastening the top of the carrier.Victoria stepped forward automatically.Elena froze.So did Victoria.Neither woman spoke.Marcus remained absolutely still.Victoria slowly stepped back.“I’m sorry.”Elena finished loosening the carrier.Leo emerged warm and angry, his face red from hunger.Elena cradled him across her lap.Victoria watched every movement.“Do you want to feed him?” Elena asked.Victoria stared at her.Marcus stared too.Elena almost regretted the question.Then Victoria said, “Are you sure?”“No.”The answer startled all three of them.Elena adjusted Leo against her arm.“But I think you should.”Victoria approached slowly.Elena showed her where to sit.“Support his neck.”“I know.”Victoria winced at her own defensiveness.“Sorry.”She sat.Elena transferred Leo into her arms.For one second his face tightened.Victoria stopped breathing.“He’s okay,” Elena said.Leo turned toward the bottle.Victoria guided the nipple to his mouth.He latched.The silence that followed was almost comical.Victoria looked down at her son as if he had performed a miracle.Marcus leaned forward.Leo drank.Nothing terrible happened.Victoria’s shoulders gradually lowered.Her thumb moved once against his sleeve.“He’s hungry.”“Yes.”“He always makes that little noise?”“When he’s very hungry.”“I thought that meant he was upset.”“It does.”Victoria looked up sharply.Elena almost smiled.“Hungry is upsetting when you’re seven months old.”Marcus laughed under his breath.Victoria glanced at him.This time she did not seem offended.Leo kept drinking.After a moment, Victoria whispered, “Dream a Little Dream of Me.”Elena looked at her.“What?”“The song.”Victoria kept her eyes on Leo.“I know it now.”Elena said nothing.Victoria’s mouth trembled.“I looked it up while I was in the sitting room.”Marcus bowed his head.Elena felt something inside her loosen, but only a little.One song did not undo a kick.A bottle did not erase fear.A quiet mother holding her child did not make the hallway safe again.But Leo curled one hand around Victoria’s finger.Victoria stopped breathing.Then she smiled.It was the first expression Elena had ever seen on her face that seemed to belong entirely to the woman beneath the suit.
