Chương 8
Daniel looked at the floor.
Claire’s voice broke, but she kept going.
“When you walked out, you didn’t only leave me.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t bother to know.”
Silence filled the room.
Ryan wiped his eyes with the heel of his hand.
“I love you.”
Claire’s expression did not change.
“I believe you.”
That surprised him.
She looked toward the dark window.
“That’s the worst part.”
Ryan’s mouth opened.
Claire turned back.
“I believe you love me as much as you know how.”
He breathed in.
“But I nearly died waiting for that to be enough.”
Ryan stared at her for so long that Claire could see the argument forming and collapsing behind his eyes.
He opened his mouth, closed it, and finally looked toward Daniel as if another man might translate what his wife had just said.
Daniel did not help him.
Ryan dragged one hand through his hair.
“I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“That’s because you’re still trying to find the sentence that gets you out of this.”
“I’m not.”
“You are.”
His face tightened.
“I came here as soon as I knew.”
Claire’s pulse picked up on the monitor.
Daniel glanced at it.
She noticed and forced herself to breathe more slowly.
“You came when someone else made you understand there were consequences.”
“That isn’t fair.”
“No.”
Claire shifted against the pillows and winced.
“None of this is fair.”
Ryan looked at the floor.
“What happens now?”
The question sounded almost childish.
Claire had expected anger from him, or bargaining, or another apology.
The uncertainty unsettled her more.
“I don’t know.”
“You said you wanted to talk.”
“I did.”
“So talk.”
Daniel straightened near the window.
Ryan immediately looked at him.
“Can we do this without him standing there?”
“No,” Claire said.
“Why?”
“Because I asked him to be here.”
“I’m not going to hurt you.”
Claire went very still.
“I didn’t say you would.”
Ryan’s face flushed.
“That’s what you’re implying.”
“No, Ryan.”
She let her head rest against the pillow.
“I need someone in this room who believes me the first time I speak.”
The sentence quieted him.
Daniel looked away.
Ryan sat in the chair without asking again.
For several seconds, he studied his hands.
The expensive watch Evelyn had given him two Christmases earlier flashed beneath the hospital light.
“I screwed up,” he said.
Claire waited.
“I screwed up worse than I’ve ever screwed up anything.”
Still she waited.
“I thought you were angry about the party.”
“I was.”
Ryan looked up.
“I knew it.”
Claire almost laughed.
“You think that makes you right?”
“No.”
“You were angry at me for being angry, so when I told you I was in pain, you decided the pain was part of the argument.”
His lips pressed together.
“That sounds awful when you say it that way.”
“It was awful while it was happening too.”
Ryan flinched.
Daniel folded his arms.
Claire could tell he wanted to interrupt.
He didn’t.
Ryan leaned forward.
“I’ve spent the last five hours replaying it.”
Claire’s eyes moved to the wine stain on his cuff.
“What part?”
“All of it.”
“The part where I dropped the glass?”
“Yes.”
“The part where I couldn’t stand?”
“Yes.”
“The part where I asked you to call your mother?”
Ryan shut his eyes.
“Yes.”
“The part where I got on the floor?”
“Please stop.”
Claire stared at him.
“Why?”
His eyes opened.
“Because I know.”
“No.”
She shook her head.
“You know now.”
Ryan stood.
Daniel moved before Claire could speak.
It was only half a step, but Ryan saw it.
“I’m not doing anything.”
“Then sit down,” Daniel said.
“Don’t tell me what to do.”
Claire closed her eyes.
The two men stopped.
“I cannot do this tonight.”
Her voice came out thin.
Daniel immediately backed away.
Ryan remained standing.
Claire looked at him.
“I need you to leave.”
His expression emptied.
“Claire.”
“I need to sleep.”
“I can sit outside.”
“No.”
“Then downstairs.”
She hesitated.
“I can’t tell you where you can be in a public hospital.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yes.”
He swallowed.
“I want to see Madeline.”
Claire’s fingers tightened.
“I know.”
“I have a right to see her.”
Daniel’s jaw shifted.
Claire spoke before he could.
“Then talk to the hospital about your rights.”
Ryan stared at her.
“You’re really going to do this?”
“What do you think I’m doing?”
“Punishing me.”
The word sat between them.
Claire felt something inside her settle.
Not anger this time.
Recognition.
“That’s what you think this is.”
Ryan rubbed the bridge of his nose.
“I didn’t mean it like that.”
“You did.”
“I’m trying to understand.”
“Then start there.”
“Start where?”
“Ask yourself why my first boundary after emergency surgery feels like punishment to you.”
He looked wounded.
Claire was too tired to protect him from it.
A knock sounded.
Nora entered carrying medication.
Her eyes traveled from Claire to Ryan to Daniel.
“Everything okay?”
“Yes,” Claire said.
“No,” Ryan said at the same time.
Nora approached the bed.
“I need to check Claire and give her medication.”
Ryan picked up his jacket.
“I’m leaving.”
Nobody answered.
At the door he stopped.
“Claire.”
She looked at him.
His face had changed again, the defensiveness stripped away for the moment.
“I am sorry.”
Claire believed that too.
It did not help.
Ryan left.
Daniel waited until the door closed.
“You okay?”
“No.”
“Good.”
She looked at him.
He shrugged.
“Correct answer.”
Nora gave Claire the medication and checked the dressing over her incision.
Daniel wandered toward the window and studied the parking lot.
“Your brother can stay if you want,” Nora said.
Claire nodded.
“He stays.”
Daniel glanced back.
“I’m incredibly honored to have passed the audition.”
Claire managed a tired smile.
Nora adjusted the blanket around her feet.
“Try to sleep.”
“What about Madeline?”
“The NICU will call if there’s any change.”
Claire looked at the phone beside the bed.
May you like
Nora understood.
“I’ll make sure the volume is up.”
