Chương 4
“Victoria.”
“I’m not insulting you.”
“You are.”
“I’m telling you the truth.”
Her eyes were shining now, but she did not cry.
“You get to leave.”
Alexander became still.
“You get on a plane. You go to New York or Chicago or Seattle, and people hand you coffee exactly the way you like it, and you complain about delays and come home with some stupid stuffed animal from an airport store. Then you hold him for forty minutes and feel like a father.”
No one spoke.
Emma looked at Alexander.
His face had lost its anger.
Victoria saw she had hit something.
She continued.
“I’m here.”
Emma wanted to interrupt.
She did not.
“I hear every sound. Even when someone else is with him, I hear him. I hear him through walls. I hear him when he’s asleep. I hear him when I’m in the shower.”
Victoria pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes.
“I hear him when he isn’t crying.”
Alexander stood, Noah still against him.
“Why didn’t you tell me it was that bad?”
Victoria dropped her hands.
“I did.”
The answer was immediate.
Alexander opened his mouth.
“I told you I couldn’t sleep.”
“You said you were tired.”
“I told you I was scared to be alone with him.”
“You said you wanted more help.”
“I told you I didn’t feel like myself.”
Alexander looked at her.
“That can mean a hundred things.”
“Yes, Alexander. That was the problem. It meant a hundred things, and you picked the easiest one.”
He had no answer.
The doorbell rang.
Daniel stood.
“I’ll get it.”
Victoria wiped beneath one eye with the side of her thumb.
Then she saw Emma watching.
Her face hardened again.
“Don’t look at me like that.”
Emma swallowed.
“Like what?”
“Like you understand.”
“I don’t.”
“Good.”
Victoria walked toward the windows.
Emma looked at the back of her gray sweater.
For the first time since the bassinet had moved, Emma felt something besides fear and anger.
She felt pity.
It arrived unwanted.
She resented it immediately.
Pity was dangerous in houses like this. It made employees stay after insults. It made wives explain bruises. It made families rename violence as stress and promise that next week would be different.
Emma had spent months mistaking concern for permission to wait.
She would not do it again.
Dr. Martin Lewis entered with Daniel.
He was in his early sixties, wearing a brown jacket over a checked shirt, and looked mildly irritated in the way doctors who had known wealthy families for decades often did when summoned away from a Sunday breakfast.
Then he saw Emma’s face.
The irritation disappeared.
“What happened?”
Everyone started speaking at once.
Dr. Lewis lifted one hand.
“Stop.”
The room went quiet.
He pointed toward Alexander.
“You first. Thirty seconds.”
Alexander told him.
He did not soften the story.
Victoria stared at the windows.
When he finished, Dr. Lewis asked Emma two questions.
Then he looked at Victoria.
“I’d like to speak with you privately.”
“No.”
“Victoria.”
“I’m not going to a hospital.”
“I didn’t say hospital.”
“You were going to.”
Dr. Lewis studied her.
“I’d like to speak with you.”
She hesitated.
Then she walked into the library with him.
The door closed.
Alexander sat again.
Emma checked the time on the clock above the fireplace.
10:47.
Her father would be expecting her Sunday call at eleven.
The thought was so ordinary that she nearly laughed.
She pulled out her phone.
There were three messages from him.
Dad: The sink is making that noise again.
Dad: I hit it with wrench.
Dad: It is worse.
Emma stared at the screen.
Daniel leaned toward her.
“Everything okay?”
“My father is trying to repair plumbing.”
“Ah.”
“He should not be allowed tools.”
“That serious?”
“He once fixed a toaster and knocked out power to half the building.”
Daniel nodded solemnly.
“Then yes.”
Emma covered her mouth.
A small laugh escaped anyway.
Her cheek hurt.
She stopped.
Alexander looked at her.
Something like shame moved across his face.
“I’m sorry.”
Emma put the phone down.
“For what?”
He looked around the room.
“That you knew this house wasn’t safe before I did.”
The words stayed between them.
Emma could have comforted him.
It was almost instinct.
Instead she said, “You weren’t here very much.”
Alexander nodded.
“I know.”
“You should have been.”
“I know.”
It was not satisfying.
But it was true.
Dr. Lewis stayed with Victoria for thirty-five minutes.
During that time Noah fell asleep against Alexander’s chest.
No one moved him.
Mrs. Alvarez appeared once in the hallway, saw Emma’s cheek, crossed herself, and vanished back toward the kitchen.
At eleven twelve, Dr. Lewis came out alone.
“Where is she?” Alexander asked.
“In the library.”
“What did she say?”
“I’m not discussing a private medical conversation with you.”
“She tried to hurt Noah.”
“And I heard you.”
“Then what happens?”
Dr. Lewis looked tired.
“Right now, she has agreed not to be alone with the baby. She has also agreed to be evaluated today.”
“At a hospital?”
“Yes.”
Victoria’s voice came through the open library door.
“I agreed to be evaluated. I did not agree to be imprisoned.”
Dr. Lewis turned.
“No one said imprisoned.”
“You keep saying things no one said as though that improves this.”
She came into the room.
Her face had been washed.
Emma noticed because all traces of makeup were gone from around her eyes.
Victoria looked younger.
Also more exhausted.
“I’m going with Martin,” she said to Alexander. “Not because you think I’m dangerous. Because I haven’t slept properly in months and I clearly need help.”
Alexander stood.
“I’ll go with you.”
“No.”
“Victoria.”
“No.”
She looked at Noah.
Something passed through her face.
Emma could not name it.
Love, perhaps.
Or fear of what love had become.
“Keep him away from me today.”
Alexander’s breathing changed.
Victoria looked at Emma.
For a moment, neither spoke.
May you like
Then Victoria said, “I’m sorry I hit you.”
Emma waited.
