Chương 11
“No.”
“Promise?”
Vanessa's eyes filled.
She hesitated.
Ethan noticed.
So did Noah.
“I promise I will never ask you to lie for me again.”
It was narrower than the promise he expected.
Better because of it.
Noah said, “Okay.”
They lasted eight minutes.
When the screen went dark, Noah asked for a grilled cheese sandwich.
Ethan made one.
He burned it.
Not badly.
Noah ate around the edges.
A month after the recording, Maya came to the penthouse for the first time since leaving.
She had not returned to work.
She had accepted a temporary daytime position with a family on the Upper West Side while deciding what she wanted next.
Noah waited by the elevator despite Ethan telling him not to hover.
When the doors opened, he launched himself at her.
Maya laughed and almost dropped her bag.
“You got taller.”
“No, I didn't.”
“You definitely did.”
“It was four weeks.”
“Massive growth period.”
She looked over his head at Ethan.
He felt unexpectedly awkward.
Maya was wearing jeans and a green sweater.
Without the uniform, she looked like someone who had once worked in their home rather than part of its architecture.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.”
Noah dragged her toward his room before either adult could say more.
For an hour, they played.
Ethan stayed away.
He answered emails.
Made coffee.
Opened the refrigerator twice without wanting anything.
At one point he walked toward Noah's room and stopped himself.
Maya emerged later carrying a stack of drawings.
“He made me take these.”
“Lucky you.”
“One is apparently a submarine.”
“Apparently?”
She showed him.
Ethan rotated the paper.
“I thought that was a sandwich.”
“You're not helping.”
They stood in the kitchen.
Noah was in his room looking for a toy he wanted Maya to take home.
Ethan poured coffee.
“Do you want some?”
“No.”
“You always drink coffee.”
“Not yours.”
He looked offended.
“My coffee is fine.”
“You put cinnamon in it.”
“That's deliberate.”
“That's what makes it worse.”
For a moment, neither of them talked about anything important.
It felt almost luxurious.
Then Ethan said, “Are you coming back?”
Maya leaned against the counter.
“As his nanny?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
The answer hurt even though he had expected it.
“Okay.”
“I thought about it.”
“I understand.”
“Do you?”
“Probably not entirely.”
She smiled a little.
“No.”
He put down his mug.
“Can I ask why?”
“You can.”
He waited.
Maya looked toward Noah's room.
“Because if I come back exactly the way things were, everyone learns the wrong thing.”
“What thing?”
“That the goal was to restore the house.”
He nodded slowly.
“And it isn't.”
“No.”
“What is?”
She considered.
“Noah feeling like a kid again.”
The simplicity of it made his throat tighten.
Maya continued, “He shouldn't have to need me because his parents can't stand in the same emotional room.”
“That sounds like something Dr. Lewis would say.”
“I'll charge you two hundred dollars.”
“Cheap.”
“Not for normal people.”
He laughed.
Then he looked at her.
“Will you still see him?”
“If you and Vanessa agree and if Dr. Lewis thinks it's healthy.”
“I agree.”
“That was quick.”
“I've been trying to learn.”
“Dangerous.”
Noah came running in carrying a plastic dinosaur.
“Found it.”
Maya looked at the dinosaur.
“You want me to take this?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“So you have to come back.”
Maya's face softened.
She crouched.
“I don't need collateral.”
“What?”
“I'll come back.”
“When?”
“Next Saturday.”
“Promise?”
She looked at him.
This time she smiled.
“Promise.”
Noah handed her the dinosaur anyway.
Vanessa returned to the penthouse six weeks after she left.
Not to live.
To collect clothes and personal things.
The lawyers could have arranged movers.
She asked to do it herself.
Ethan agreed because Noah was at school.
He almost changed his mind when he heard the elevator.
The last time Vanessa had walked down that hallway toward him, she had been wearing crimson and demanding the phone.
Now she wore black trousers, flat shoes, and a camel coat.
She carried two empty canvas bags.
Her eyes went briefly to the marble near the console table.
The scuff was still there.
“I thought you'd polish that out,” she said.
“I tried.”
“You?”
“Once.”
She almost smiled.
He stepped aside.
“Your things are where you left them.”
“Thank you.”
Vanessa walked toward the bedroom.
Ethan went to the kitchen.
He tried not to listen to drawers opening.
Twenty minutes later she appeared with one bag full.
She placed it near the elevator and went back.
On the third trip, she stopped in the hallway.
“Is Maya back?”
“No.”
Vanessa looked surprised.
“She took another job.”
“Oh.”
“She sees Noah sometimes.”
Her face tightened, though less than before.
“Okay.”
Ethan waited for the argument.
It did not come.
Vanessa looked at the floor.
“I hate that I'm supposed to say I'm fine with that.”
“You don't have to be fine with it.”
Her eyes lifted.
“I have to act like I am.”
“Yes.”
“That feels dishonest.”
“No. It might just be self-control.”
She laughed softly.
“Listen to you.”
“I've learned three things.”
“Only three?”
“It's been a busy month.”
She leaned against the wall.
For a moment they looked at one another with the strange familiarity of people who knew what the other looked like asleep and still could not explain how they had become strangers.
“Serena won't speak to me,” Vanessa said.
Ethan did not know what to do with that.
“Because of the recording?”
“Because I told my attorney she was the person on the call.”
“You had to.”
“I know.”
A pause.
“She said she warned me.”
“Did she?”
“Yes.”
“What did you say?”
“That she didn't understand.”
Ethan waited.
Vanessa looked toward the windows at the end of the hall.
“She did.”
There was no self-pity in it.
That made him believe her.
She rubbed her arms.
“I'm not asking you to forgive me.”
“Good.”
Vanessa looked at him sharply.
He almost apologized.
May you like
Did not.
“I don't,” he said. “Not yet.”
