Chương 9
“Your diagnosis?”
“No.”
“How can you separate them?”
Dana looked at the tissue box between them.
The box had a knitted cover shaped like a small couch. She disliked it immediately.
“Because I did not lose awareness,” she said. “I knew where my daughter was. I knew where his friends were. I knew the gloves were underfoot. I used less force than I was capable of using. I stopped when he stopped.”
“Do you take pride in that?”
The question irritated her.
“Yes.”
“Does that pride trouble you?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because control is better than panic.”
Dr. Simon wrote something down.
Dana stared at the tissue couch and wondered whether hating it would become diagnostic evidence.
At the end, he asked how Lily had reacted.
“She’s staying with her father.”
“Because of a custody order?”
“Because she asked to.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“Badly.”
He smiled slightly. “That is not a feeling.”
“It is the correct adverb.”
For the first time, he laughed.
Dana did too, then felt guilty for enjoying anything in the room.
On Friday, Officer Alvarez called.
“The detective reviewed the videos,” she said. “The prosecutor has not made a charging decision.”
“Is Marcus being investigated for assault?”
“Yes.”
“Am I?”
“Yes.”
“Do you believe him?”
“That is not a question I can answer.”
“Did you find a complete recording?”
“No.”
Dana looked at the wall clock. It ticked too loudly.
“What about his gym friends?”
“Three say you initiated physical contact.”
“That’s false.”
“One says he did not see the beginning.”
“Eli?”
A pause.
“I can’t discuss individual statements.”
“He was recording.”
“Do you know that?”
“I saw his phone earlier.”
“At the time of the incident?”
“No.”
“Then tell your attorney your concern.”
After the call, Dana searched Marcus’s gym page despite Naomi’s instruction not to engage.
Iron Vale Fitness had posted videos from the barbecue before the attack. In one, Marcus demonstrated a choke defense while Warren laughed. In another, Rachel challenged neighbors to donate fifty dollars for each minute someone could remain inside a taped circle with Marcus.
Dana appeared in the background of a third video, carrying pasta salad from her car.
The caption read: EVEN THE ARMY CAME TO WATCH A REAL FIGHTER.
The post had been deleted, but someone had reposted a screen recording.
Dana sent it to Naomi.
Naomi called.
“This helps establish the event was being used to promote him,” she said.
“It also shows him singling me out before the threat.”
“Yes.”
“Can we subpoena the original footage?”
“If litigation continues, potentially. Police can seek records too.”
“Will the platform keep it?”
“Maybe. Do not build your hope around maybe.”
“What about Eli?”
“We do not contact him.”
“Someone should.”
“Police already did.”
“He lied.”
“You suspect he lied.”
“I saw his face.”
“Faces are not evidence.”
“Bodies are.”
“In your field, perhaps. In court, we prefer records.”
Dana almost argued.
Then she remembered Naomi had been right often enough to become annoying.
That evening, Lily finally agreed to meet.
They chose a diner halfway between both houses because Ryan did not want Dana taking Lily home and Dana refused to speak in his living room. Ryan sat in a booth across the aisle, close enough to intervene and far enough to pretend he was not listening.
Lily ordered fries and a chocolate milkshake. Dana ordered coffee she did not want.
For several minutes, neither spoke.
A toddler in the next booth repeatedly dropped a spoon. His father picked it up twice, then gave up and requested another.
Lily moved one fry through ketchup without eating it.
Dana said, “Your science project is still on your desk.”
“I know.”
“Do you need help with the fan?”
“No.”
“Okay.”
Another silence.
Lily looked toward Ryan. He pretended to read the menu.
“Did you like doing it?” she asked.
Dana put down her coffee.
“No.”
“You looked like you did.”
“What part?”
“When he fell.”
“I was focused.”
“That’s the same face you make when you fix something.”
The observation was so accurate that Dana had no immediate defense.
“I felt relieved when he was on the ground,” she said. “Because he couldn’t reach us.”
“Were you happy?”
“No.”
“Were you proud?”
Dana considered lying.
“A little,” she said. “Not because he was hurt. Because I controlled what happened.”
Lily’s eyes filled, though she did not cry.
“That’s what scares me.”
Dana’s fingers tightened around the mug.
“What?”
“You always control what happens.”
“I try to keep you safe.”
“You tell me what to do when I’m already doing it. You check the doors three times. You make me text when I get to Maya’s even though her house is across the street. You ask who is there and whose parents and if they have guns and where they keep them. When I get scared, you get all calm like I’m a problem you’re solving.”
Dana looked at Ryan.
He was no longer pretending to read.
“This isn’t about him,” Lily said.
Dana looked back at her.
“No,” she said. “It isn’t.”
“I knew Marcus was mean. I knew he was going to do something. You didn’t leave.”
“I tried.”
“No. Before. When he kept talking. You stayed because you didn’t want people to think you were scared.”
The diner sounds receded.
A server dropped silverware into a bin. Coffee poured. The toddler received another spoon.
Dana remembered Warren saying, Come on, Captain, don’t be so serious. Marcus saying, Unless she only knows how to fight filing cabinets. Rachel smiling. Dana standing there because leaving would confirm everything they wanted to believe.
Lily had seen that too.
“You’re right,” Dana said.
Lily blinked.
“I should have taken you home earlier.”
“You never say that.”
“I’m saying it now.”
“You say sorry when you’re still explaining why you were right.”
Dana almost defended herself again.
She swallowed it.
“I was wrong to stay.”
Lily ate the fry.
May you like
Dana waited.
After a while, Lily said, “I don’t think you should go to jail.”
