Chương 10
She did.
The letter.
There were more pages.
She had stopped reading after the paragraph about the meeting.
That night she took it to the boathouse alone.
The storm had passed two days earlier.
The lake was calm.
She sat where she had been sitting when Margaret gave her the locket.
Then she read Daniel’s final pages.
He wrote about fear.
Not poetically.
Daniel had never been poetic.
He wrote that he was afraid of dying before telling Sophie the truth and equally afraid of telling her in a way that made Margaret’s worst years become Sophie’s burden.
He wrote that Michael had done things a father should never do.
He also wrote that people could change.
He did not know whether Michael had.
That decision, he said, belonged to Sophie.
Then came the line that broke her.
I wanted to be enough of a father that you never needed to ask about him. That was selfish.
Sophie pressed the paper against her mouth.
Below it Daniel had written:
If you ask, ask everything. Don’t protect me either.
She cried until she was embarrassed despite being alone.
Then she laughed because Daniel would have hated the amount of drama involved.
She could hear him telling her to blow her nose.
So she did.
There was a box of cocktail napkins left from the party.
They were terrible for the purpose.
She used them anyway.
A car came down the gravel drive.
Margaret entered the boathouse carrying two mugs.
“I saw the light.”
Sophie folded the letter.
Margaret put down the mugs.
“Tea.”
“Is one poisoned?”
“Yours has honey.”
“That wasn't my question.”
Margaret sat.
They drank.
After a while Sophie gave her Daniel’s letter.
Margaret read it.
Slowly.
When she finished, she held the pages against her chest.
“That idiot.”
Sophie smiled through swollen eyes.
“Pretty much.”
“He knew.”
“About Robert?”
“About everything.”
Margaret looked toward the lake.
“I spent years trying to keep him out of the worst parts of my life.”
“He noticed.”
“He usually did.”
Sophie touched the locket.
“Why did you give me this at the party?”
Margaret looked at her.
“Because I had finally decided to tell you.”
“Why that day?”
“Daniel asked me to.”
Sophie frowned.
“In the letter?”
“No.”
Margaret looked down.
“The week before he died.”
Sophie waited.
“He said, ‘Don’t make her inherit your fear.’”
The words sounded like Daniel.
Not polished.
Not perfect.
Useful.
“Why my birthday?”
“Mine.”
“What?”
Margaret smiled faintly.
“It was my birthday.”
Sophie laughed.
“Right.”
“You ruined it.”
“I ruined it?”
“Well, Linda ruined it.”
“Linda definitely ruined it.”
They sat quietly.
“Why that day?” Sophie asked again.
Margaret looked embarrassed.
“Because I was fifty-two.”
“That is not an answer.”
“It was the age my mother died.”
Sophie had known that.
She had not connected it.
Margaret rubbed the mug between her palms.
“I woke up that morning and thought if I died without telling you, the lie would become permanent.”
“So you brought the locket.”
“Yes.”
“And then Ethan found out.”
“He saw it.”
“You told him first.”
“He cornered me.”
“That sounds like Ethan.”
“He was very annoying.”
“That also sounds like Ethan.”
Margaret smiled.
Then Sophie asked the question that had been waiting beneath all the others.
“Do you think Michael changed?”
Margaret's smile disappeared.
“I don't know.”
“Do you want him to have?”
“Yes.”
The answer surprised Sophie.
Margaret looked toward the open doors.
“Not for me.”
“I know.”
“I spent years wanting him punished. Then years wanting him miserable. Then one day I realized I hadn’t thought about him in months.”
“What did that feel like?”
“Expensive.”
Sophie laughed.
Margaret did too.
Then her face softened.
“It cost a lot to stop hating him.”
Sophie looked at the locket.
“Would it hurt you if I talked to him?”
“Yes.”
Sophie swallowed.
Margaret continued.
“But that cannot be the reason you don’t.”
They looked at each other.
That was the first moment Sophie understood what her mother was trying to do.
Not release her.
Release herself from deciding.
Three weeks later, Sophie met Michael at a diner.
Not the lake.
Not Margaret’s house.
Neutral territory.
He arrived early.
Of course he did.
She ordered coffee.
He ordered nothing.
“That’s weird,” she said.
“What?”
“Sitting in a diner without ordering.”
“I’m nervous.”
“So?”
“I don’t think I can eat.”
“Coffee exists.”
“I quit caffeine.”
She stared.
“Of course you did.”
He smiled.
It was the first time she saw the man from the photograph.
Not because he looked younger.
Because the smile was the same.
She disliked how much that affected her.
“So,” he said.
“So.”
“I had planned things to say.”
“Please don't.”
“Okay.”
They sat.
A waitress came.
Michael panicked and ordered decaf.
Sophie almost laughed.
After the waitress left, she said, “Tell me the worst thing.”
He looked at her.
“About what?”
“You.”
He took a long time.
“I hit your mother.”
“I know.”
“I controlled money.”
“I know.”
“I threatened custody because I knew it terrified her.”
“I know.”
“I followed her after she left.”
“I know.”
He looked down.
“I once took you from daycare without telling her.”
Sophie went still.
“What?”
“It was before the court order.”
“Why?”
“I wanted Margaret to come home.”
“How long?”
“Six hours.”
Sophie felt sick.
“Where did you take me?”
“My mother’s house.”
“Was I safe?”
“Yes.”
“That isn't what I asked.”
Michael swallowed.
“I believed you were.”
“Was I?”
“Yes.”
“You used a three-year-old to terrorize her.”
“Yes.”
Sophie stood.
Michael did not.
She walked outside.
He did not follow.
That mattered.
She stood beside her car for several minutes.
Then went back inside.
Michael was exactly where she had left him.
The decaf had arrived.
He had not touched it.
Sophie sat.
“Why did Mom never tell me that?”
“Probably because she didn't want you carrying it.”
“Everybody keeps deciding what I should carry.”
“Yes.”
“Stop agreeing with me.”
“Sorry.”
She almost smiled.
Almost.
May you like
“Why did you change?”
Michael looked at his coffee.
