Chương 7
“So your father participated.”
“Yes.”
“And then called the police.”
“Yes.”
“And your mother assaulted you in front of them.”
“Yes.”
Elena stared at her.
“You people cannot do anything halfway.”
Sarah looked into her bowl.
“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with him.”
“Tonight?”
“At all.”
“You don’t have to decide tonight.”
“I know.”
Elena leaned back.
“No, you know that like a thing you’d tell someone else. I mean you actually don’t have to decide tonight.”
Sarah lifted her spoon.
The soup tasted mostly of salt.
“What if he cooperates?”
Elena shrugged.
“Then he cooperates.”
“That matters.”
“Of course.”
“What if Mom pressured him?”
“Probably did.”
“That matters too.”
“Sure.”
Sarah looked at her.
“But?”
Elena folded her napkin.
“But you’re building his defense before anyone accused you of being unfair to him.”
Sarah put down the spoon.
“I’m explaining the situation.”
“You’re coloneling.”
“That is not a verb.”
“It is in this apartment.”
Sarah stared at the table.
Elena softened.
“Your dad can be scared and guilty.”
“I know.”
“He can love you and betray you.”
Sarah’s jaw tightened.
“I know.”
“He can be controlled by your mother and still make choices.”
Sarah looked up.
“That sounds rehearsed.”
“It is. Therapy. Very expensive. I’m giving it to you free.”
Sarah almost smiled.
Then her face tightened.
“He signed as witness.”
Elena nodded.
“He looked at a line that said he saw me sign and signed underneath it.”
“I know.”
“He knew I wasn’t there.”
Elena waited.
Sarah pressed her fingertips against the table.
“I keep trying to find the part where he believed something reasonable.”
“Maybe there isn’t one.”
Sarah looked away.
The apartment window overlooked traffic. Red taillights moved slowly beneath them.
After a while Elena said, “You want to know the worst part?”
“No.”
“You’re going to know anyway.”
Sarah sighed.
“You sound like my mother.”
“Take that back.”
Sarah smiled despite herself.
Elena continued.
“The worst part isn’t that he believed Margaret. It’s that he may not have needed to believe her.”
Sarah stared at the traffic.
The next morning, Sarah woke before five.
Her shoulder hurt more than it had the previous night.
She stood in Elena’s bathroom wearing borrowed sweatpants and one of Elena’s old college shirts, trying to raise her arm high enough to tie her hair.
She could not.
After three attempts she left it down.
In the kitchen, Elena was already awake.
“You’re creepy.”
Sarah looked at the clock.
“You’re awake too.”
“I heard you opening cabinets like you were searching for contraband.”
“I was looking for coffee.”
“Top shelf.”
Sarah found it.
Elena watched her struggle with the filter.
“You want help?”
“No.”
“Obviously.”
Sarah looked at her.
Elena raised both hands.
“You know what? Growth. I’m going back to bed.”
She walked away.
Sarah made the coffee.
It was too strong.
She drank it anyway.
At 6:14, Richard called.
Sarah let it ring.
At 6:22, he called again.
She answered.
“What?”
His voice sounded hoarse.
“Your mother came home.”
Sarah straightened.
“When?”
“About four.”
“Is she there now?”
“Yes.”
“Are you safe?”
He hesitated.
That was enough.
“Dad.”
“She hasn’t touched me.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“She’s angry.”
Sarah looked toward Elena’s hallway.
“What happened?”
“She wants me to retract what I told police.”
“Can you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want to?”
“No.”
The answer came quickly.
Sarah sat at the table.
“Then don’t.”
“She says Stephen can fix everything if we stop making accusations.”
“Does Stephen have one hundred eighty thousand dollars?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then he can’t fix everything.”
“She says the police are misunderstanding the paperwork.”
“Dad.”
“I know.”
“No, I don’t think you do.”
Richard lowered his voice.
“She says if I cooperate against her, she’ll file for divorce.”
Sarah closed her eyes.
There it was.
Not money.
Not police.
The real threat.
Richard had spent forty-three years arranging his life around preventing Margaret from leaving him.
Sarah had never understood it.
Her parents’ marriage was not affectionate in any way she recognized. They slept in separate rooms more often than not. Margaret mocked Richard’s clothes, his friends, his caution, his hearing, his driving, the way he loaded the dishwasher. Richard complained quietly about her to Sarah and then defended her whenever Sarah agreed.
Yet the idea of Margaret leaving terrified him.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
He remained silent.
Sarah rubbed her forehead.
“You want me to tell you she won’t leave.”
Richard’s breathing changed.
Sarah felt anger rise.
“You want me to tell you she’s bluffing.”
“I just—”
“I don’t know if she is.”
“No.”
“And I’m not going to tell you what to do.”
“I called because—”
“Because you want me to make the decision you don’t want to own.”
“That’s not fair.”
Sarah almost laughed.
“Dad, you signed my name into a fraud because you didn’t want to make Mom angry.”
“I did not sign your name.”
“You signed a statement saying you watched me sign it.”
“That’s different.”
The sentence silenced her.
Richard seemed to hear himself after saying it.
“Sarah, I didn’t mean—”
She spoke carefully.
“That is exactly the kind of difference you have lived inside your whole life.”
He said nothing.
She could hear a door close in the background.
Richard whispered, “She’s coming downstairs.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then I can’t help you.”
“Sarah.”
Her throat tightened.
“If you decide you want to leave, call a cab, call Elena, call the police, call me. I’ll help.”
“What if I don’t?”
“Then you stay.”
“You’re making it sound simple.”
“It isn’t simple.”
“Then why are you talking like that?”
“Because complicated is how you avoid saying choice.”
He breathed out.
Sarah regretted the sharpness and did not retract it.
“I love you, Dad.”
Richard’s voice broke slightly.
“I love you too.”
“But I am not going to be the reason you tell Mom no.”
May you like
She ended the call.
Her hands shook.
