Chương 14
“You absolutely do.”
Claire sat beside Lily.
Richard continued.
“She still hates gym.”
“Everybody hates gym.”
“She can braid hair better than me.”
“That’s not hard.”
“She thinks macaroni and cheese is a complete dinner.”
“It is.”
Richard smiled.
Then the smile faded.
He touched the edge of the stone.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”
Lily became quiet.
Claire looked away.
Richard breathed.
“I know some of that wasn’t my choice.”
The words came slowly.
“Some of it was.”
He rubbed his thumb against the cold stone.
“I should have listened to you more when I had the chance. I should have made you feel like you could tell me you were afraid without me treating it like another problem to solve.”
His throat tightened.
“I wish you’d told me anyway.”
Claire closed her eyes.
Richard continued.
“I’m still angry that you didn’t.”
A truck passed on the road.
Its brakes squealed.
Richard laughed softly.
“That’s probably not what people say at graves.”
Claire said, “Rebecca would appreciate it.”
Richard looked at Lily.
She nodded.
“Mom hated fake stuff.”
He sat back on his heels.
“I’m taking care of her.”
Lily interrupted.
“Claire also takes care of me.”
Richard nodded.
“Claire also takes care of her.”
“Better.”
Richard looked at Rebecca’s name.
“We’re trying.”
That was all.
It was enough.
They stopped for lunch afterward at a small diner Rebecca had liked.
Richard ordered coffee.
Claire ordered pie before her sandwich.
Lily complained about the smell of onions.
Nobody discussed grief for twenty minutes.
It was one of the better meals Richard had eaten.
Years did not repair everything.
They made some things easier to carry.
Lily grew.
Teddy lost more fur.
Claire eventually started dating a pediatric physical therapist named James who laughed too loudly and was inexplicably good at crossword puzzles.
Elena left the Hale household when Lily was ten.
Not because Vanessa had fired her.
Not because Richard had.
Because Elena wanted her own life.
She enrolled in a hospitality-management program and later became operations director for a small hotel group.
Richard reacted badly when she told him.
“You’re leaving?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I just explained.”
“You can study while working here.”
“I don’t want to.”
He looked personally betrayed.
Elena laughed.
“This is exactly why I need to go.”
Lily cried.
Elena cried too.
Richard did not.
He waited until after they left the room.
On Elena’s final day, Lily gave her a photograph.
It showed the three of them in the kitchen.
Richard stood behind Lily attempting another braid.
Elena was laughing beside them.
Teddy sat on the counter.
On the back, Lily had written:
You stayed when Vanessa told you to disappear.
Elena read it twice.
Then she looked at Lily.
“You remember that?”
“Of course.”
“You were six.”
“I remember.”
Richard stood nearby.
His face changed.
Elena hugged Lily.
Over Lily’s shoulder, she looked at Richard.
He nodded once.
Thank you.
She understood.
The hallway remained mostly the same over the years.
Cream marble.
White panels.
Black double doors.
The glass console table survived despite three decorators campaigning to replace it.
Richard refused.
He never admitted why.
The gold pastry tray remained too.
It appeared at holidays and family breakfasts.
Sometimes Lily used it for cupcakes.
Sometimes Claire complained that it looked ridiculous.
Once Richard suggested donating it.
Lily said no.
“That was there.”
Richard knew what she meant.
So it stayed.
The silver cane did not.
Vanessa took it with her.
Richard heard about her occasionally.
She remarried no one.
She joined the board of an arts organization in Boston.
She sold the house she bought after the divorce and moved into an apartment.
She sent Lily one letter when Lily turned twelve.
The envelope arrived through attorneys.
Richard did not open it.
He gave it to Lily.
“You decide.”
Lily stared at the envelope.
“Do you know what it says?”
“No.”
“Do you want to?”
“Yes.”
She looked surprised.
“You do?”
“Of course.”
“But you won’t open it?”
“It isn’t mine.”
Lily turned it over.
“Can I throw it away?”
“Yes.”
“Can I read it later?”
“Yes.”
“Can I never read it?”
“Yes.”
She looked at him.
“You got better.”
“At what?”
“Not deciding everything.”
Richard smiled.
“I’ve had coaching.”
Lily put the letter in a drawer.
She did not open it until she was fifteen.
By then, Teddy lived mostly on a shelf.
The blue ribbon had faded almost gray.
Lily read Vanessa’s letter alone.
Then she brought it downstairs.
Richard was making coffee.
She placed the pages on the counter.
“She apologized.”
Richard looked at her.
“How do you feel?”
“Annoyed.”
“Reasonable.”
“She explains a lot.”
Richard waited.
“She says she was scared. She says Grandpa Hale pressured her. She says she thought Mom would ruin your life.”
Richard nodded.
“She also says none of that makes it okay.”
He looked at the pages.
“Do you believe her?”
“Yes.”
“Do you forgive her?”
Lily leaned against the counter.
“I don’t know what that means.”
Richard smiled faintly.
“Neither do I.”
“I don’t want to hate her.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I don’t want to see her either.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“She asked if I would meet her someday.”
Richard’s hand tightened around his coffee mug.
Lily noticed.
“You hate that.”
“I have feelings about it.”
“Very therapist.”
“Thank you.”
“It wasn’t a compliment.”
Richard nodded.
Lily folded the letter.
“I might.”
He looked at her.
“Meet her?”
“Someday.”
Richard’s jaw tightened.
Then he exhaled.
“Okay.”
Lily studied him.
“You mean that?”
“No.”
She laughed.
Richard smiled.
“I mean I will support you if you decide to.”
“That’s different.”
“It is.”
Lily tucked the letter under her arm.
“Thanks, Dad.”
He looked down at his coffee.
Even after nine years, she could still make that word land.
At sixteen, Lily did meet Vanessa.
Claire drove her.
Richard offered.
Lily declined.
He spent the afternoon pretending not to wait for updates.
At four thirteen, Lily texted.
May you like
Done.
At four fourteen, Richard called.
