Chương 7
“You heard.”
“Enough.”
He sat on the couch.
Rachel remained standing.
“Do you want me to thank you?”
“No.”
“Good.”
Daniel frowned.
She folded her arms.
“I mean it.”
“I know.”
“I don’t want this to become you protecting me from your mother while resenting me for everything else.”
His jaw tightened.
“That’s not what I’m doing.”
“It could become that.”
Daniel looked at her for several seconds.
“Probably.”
Rachel sat in the chair opposite him.
“She was right about one thing.”
He bristled.
“She was right that I had hidden something from you.”
Daniel shook his head.
“Don’t give her that.”
“I’m not giving her the way she handled it. I’m giving her the fact.”
“Why?”
“Because if I turn her into a monster, I get to make myself the victim and stop looking at what I did.”
Daniel looked away.
Rachel swallowed.
“I don’t want to do that anymore.”
The room went quiet.
Then Daniel said, “I do.”
She blinked.
He rubbed his face.
“I want her to be the monster. It’s easier.”
Rachel almost smiled.
Daniel did not.
“I keep thinking if she hadn’t found out, we’d still be normal.”
“We weren’t normal.”
“I know.”
“We just didn’t know.”
“I know.”
Rachel studied him.
“What do you want me to do?”
Daniel looked at her.
“Right now?”
“Yes.”
“Nothing.”
She waited.
He shook his head.
“That’s the problem. I don’t want apologies every hour. I don’t want a plan every hour. I don’t want you to fix my reaction so you can feel like this is moving.”
Rachel looked down.
“Okay.”
“Can you just let me be angry?”
“Yes.”
“And sad.”
“Yes.”
“And still love you sometimes.”
Her throat closed.
Daniel looked away immediately, annoyed with himself.
“See, now you’re crying.”
“I’m not asking you to stop.”
“Good.”
They sat there until Mason began hitting two plastic cups together in his playpen with increasing enthusiasm.
Daniel stared at him.
“He does look like Evan.”
Rachel’s chest tightened.
Daniel frowned.
“Maybe.”
“I never thought that before.”
“Neither did I.”
He looked at her sharply.
“Is that true?”
“Yes.”
Daniel studied Mason again.
Then he said, “I hate that I’m doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“Looking for someone else in his face.”
Rachel had no answer.
The first meeting with Evan happened eleven days later in a public park.
Daniel chose the location.
Rachel agreed.
Evan arrived with nothing in his hands.
Rachel had worried he might bring an enormous toy, something bright and claiming.
He didn’t.
He sat on a bench while Mason toddled unsteadily between Rachel and Daniel on the grass.
For ten minutes, Evan barely spoke.
He watched.
Mason fell.
Daniel picked him up.
Mason immediately reached for Daniel’s beard and pulled.
“Hey,” Daniel said.
Evan laughed before he could stop himself.
Daniel looked over.
Evan’s smile vanished.
“Sorry.”
Daniel shrugged.
Mason saw Evan then.
Really saw him.
He stared.
Evan stared back.
Rachel’s heart pounded so hard it made her angry.
Mason toddled two steps toward the bench.
Then he lost interest and chased a leaf.
Evan looked down.
Rachel sat beside him.
“You okay?”
“No.”
She nodded.
He looked at her.
“Is that annoying now?”
“What?”
“When people say the honest answer.”
She almost laughed.
Across the grass Daniel crouched beside Mason.
Evan watched him.
“He loves him.”
Rachel said nothing.
“That wasn’t a question.”
“I know.”
Evan rubbed his palms together.
“I don’t want to take anything from him.”
Rachel looked at him.
“But I don’t want to pretend this doesn’t matter either.”
“It matters.”
“Does Daniel hate me?”
“Some days.”
“Fair.”
“He also knows that isn’t useful.”
Evan nodded.
“I’m not sure I’m as emotionally advanced.”
Rachel smiled despite herself.
“You never were.”
“There she is.”
The familiarity hurt.
Rachel stood.
“Don’t.”
Evan’s expression changed.
“Sorry.”
Daniel returned carrying Mason.
Evan stood too.
For a few seconds the men faced each other.
Then Daniel said, “Do you want to hold him?”
Rachel looked at Daniel.
Evan did too.
Daniel’s face was pale.
He shifted Mason slightly.
“I’m asking once. Don’t make it weird.”
Evan swallowed.
“Okay.”
Daniel handed Mason over.
Mason immediately twisted around to look back at Daniel.
Daniel smiled at him.
“You’re fine, buddy.”
Evan held the child awkwardly, one hand supporting his back.
Mason touched Evan’s chin.
Evan’s eyes filled.
He looked down quickly.
Daniel walked away toward a trash can though he had nothing to throw away.
Rachel followed him.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
“Why did you?”
Daniel watched Evan from twenty feet away.
“Because if he’s going to be in Mason’s life, I don’t want the first thing I teach him to be fear.”
Rachel stared at him.
Daniel shook his head.
“Don’t make that into a speech either.”
“I wasn’t.”
“You were about to.”
She smiled.
For a moment he did too.
Then Eleanor arrived.
Rachel saw the navy sedan first.
Her stomach dropped.
Daniel followed her gaze.
His face changed.
“What the hell?”
Eleanor parked beside the curb.
She got out wearing black trousers, a cream blouse, and sunglasses.
Daniel started toward her before she reached the grass.
“Why are you here?”
Eleanor removed the sunglasses.
“I called Linda.”
Rachel closed her eyes.
Of course.
Linda had Mason’s schedule because she helped twice a week.
Daniel stared at his mother.
“You tracked down my kid through your sister?”
“I was worried.”
“No.”
“I have not seen my grandson in almost three weeks.”
“You were told why.”
Eleanor looked past Daniel.
She saw Evan holding Mason.
Her face changed.
Not much.
Enough.
“Oh.”
Daniel stepped into her line of sight.
“Leave.”
“Daniel.”
“Now.”
“Is that him?”
“That is none of your business.”
Eleanor’s lips parted.
Then Evan approached.
Rachel wanted to stop him.
Too late.
He shifted Mason against his shoulder.
“You’re Eleanor.”
Eleanor looked at him.
“And you are?”
“Evan Cole.”
Daniel’s jaw tightened.
Eleanor’s eyes dropped to Mason.
Something complicated moved across her face.
Vindication was there.
May you like
So was grief.
That surprised Rachel.
