Chương 10
The following spring, they met.
Rachel chose Central Park because she did not want the intimacy of anyone's home.
Nathan respected that.
Lily brought the silver locket.
She had reclaimed it from Maria months earlier.
Maria had told her it belonged to Uncle Daniel and that she could keep it when she was old enough not to leave jewelry under couch cushions.
Lily argued that seven was old enough.
Maria lost.
Rachel was waiting near the Conservatory Water.
Nathan recognized her from photographs.
She was forty, with short dark hair and the wary posture of somebody entering a situation she had agreed to but did not necessarily want.
Claire stopped several feet away.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
No one hugged.
Nathan liked that.
It felt honest.
Lily looked at Rachel.
“Are you Ben's wife?”
Rachel smiled slightly.
“I was.”
“Mom says he caught a small fish.”
Rachel looked at Claire.
Claire raised both hands.
“I told her exactly what you told me.”
“It was objectively small,” Rachel said.
Lily nodded.
“I knew it.”
That broke something open.
Not dramatically.
Rachel laughed.
Claire did too.
They walked.
Rachel told Lily that Ben liked bridges.
Lily asked why.
“He was an engineer.”
“What does that mean?”
“He designed things that don't fall down.”
“Did any fall down?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Then he was good.”
“He was pretty good.”
Nathan walked slightly behind them.
He watched Claire listen to stories about the brother she had never known.
There was happiness in her face.
And grief.
And jealousy.
Nathan recognized the jealousy because he felt it too.
Rachel had possessed years of Benjamin that Claire would never have.
Claire possessed Lily, a connection to Benjamin that Rachel had never consented to exist.
Nobody had clean emotions.
That seemed appropriate.
At the pond, Lily took out the locket.
“I have Uncle Daniel.”
Rachel's face changed.
“You knew Daniel?”
“No. He died too.”
Rachel looked at Claire.
“Daniel Mercer?”
Claire nodded.
“You knew him?”
“Ben mentioned him once.”
Everyone stopped.
Claire stared.
“What?”
Rachel seemed confused by their reaction.
“He received a letter from someone named Daniel a few months before he died.”
Nathan felt the old investigative instinct return.
“What did it say?”
“I don't know. Ben threw it away.”
“Did he tell you anything?”
Rachel thought.
“He said someone had contacted him about his biological family.”
Claire's eyes filled.
“He knew?”
“Maybe a little.”
“Did he know about me?”
Rachel shook her head.
“I don't know.”
Claire looked devastated.
Rachel hesitated.
Then she added, “He said he didn't want to find them.”
Claire turned away.
Nathan watched her absorb it.
There was no villain available.
Benjamin had been entitled not to search.
Claire had been entitled to wish he had.
Both things could be true.
Lily tugged Nathan's sleeve.
“Can we get ice cream?”
Nathan looked at the three women.
Rachel laughed softly.
“That's probably the healthiest suggestion anyone has made.”
They bought ice cream.
Lily dropped half of hers within three minutes.
Nathan bought another.
“You're rewarding negligence,” Claire said.
“She's seven.”
“Seven-year-olds can respect structural integrity.”
“That's bridges.”
“Same principle.”
Rachel smiled.
For a little while, nobody talked about genetics.
That evening, after Lily was asleep, Claire stood at the bedroom window.
Nathan came beside her.
“Bad day?” he asked.
“No.”
“Good day?”
“I don't know.”
“Fair.”
She leaned against him.
They had moved back into the same bedroom six months earlier.
The decision had been unceremonious.
Nathan carried his pillow in one night.
Claire said, “Are you staying?”
He said, “I'm tired of the guest mattress.”
Neither pretended that was the whole reason.
Now Claire said, “I kept thinking finding the truth would make everything settle.”
Nathan looked at the lights across the street.
“It usually makes more work.”
“That's depressing.”
“I'm charming now. Therapy.”
She smiled.
Then she became serious.
“Do you ever wish we hadn't found out?”
Nathan considered it.
“No.”
“Never?”
“I wish we'd found out differently.”
“At the museum?”
“Preferably without our six-year-old accusing you of adultery in front of half of Manhattan philanthropy.”
Claire covered her face.
“Oh God.”
Nathan laughed.
It had taken more than a year before that memory became funny.
“Martin Feldman still avoids me at events.”
“He thinks I punched somebody.”
“You almost did.”
“I considered several candidates.”
Claire lowered her hands.
“Maria first?”
“Your father, but logistical issues.”
She laughed.
Then Nathan said, “I don't wish we didn't know.”
“Why?”
“Because Lily deserves a true story eventually.”
Claire nodded.
“And because I deserved one.”
Her smile disappeared.
“Yes.”
Nathan looked at her.
“That part still matters.”
“I know.”
“I think it always will.”
“I know.”
He touched her hand.
“But it isn't the only thing that matters.”
Claire threaded her fingers through his.
For their eighth anniversary, they did not renew vows.
Claire suggested it once.
Nathan said no.
“I don't want new vows.”
She looked hurt.
He continued.
“I want us to get better at the old ones.”
Claire stared at him.
Then she nodded.
They went to dinner instead.
Maria joined them for dessert because Lily had insisted.
The locket rested around Lily's neck.
She was eight now and had acquired strong opinions about everything from school uniforms to museum lighting.
She still did not know the entire story.
But she knew more.
She knew Claire had carried her.
She knew Nathan was her father even though they did not share DNA.
She knew Benjamin Webb was biologically connected to her.
She knew Daniel had made serious mistakes and had tried, too late, to correct them.
She knew adults sometimes loved people and still harmed them.
That last idea had been hardest to explain.
Lily understood it faster than Nathan had.
“Like when Mom loves me but makes me get shots.”
“No,” Nathan said.
Claire laughed.
“Not exactly.”
“Like when you yelled at me for losing my library book.”
“That was not harm.”
“You were very loud.”
Nathan looked at Claire.
“She has a point.”
May you like
He apologized.
The full truth would come later.
