Chương 5
She did not expect that.
He continued.
“After the divorce, I stayed here. Margaret didn’t want it. Derek did. When I moved downtown during my recovery, he began using the place more often. I told myself it was harmless. Then he began behaving as if possession were ownership. I should have corrected it publicly.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I liked that he wanted something from me.”
Rachel looked at him.
Edward stared toward the dark window.
“When your children become adults, they can still make you feel useful by needing your keys.”
There was no excuse in the sentence.
That made it worse somehow.
“Did you know what he was doing to me?”
“No.”
She watched him.
“Did you suspect?”
A long pause.
“Yes.”
Rachel felt the answer like a small physical strike.
“When?”
“After Noah was born.”
“Three months.”
“Yes.”
“And you waited.”
“I did.”
“Why?”
“Because Derek said you were struggling. Margaret said the same. I believed enough of it to hesitate.”
Rachel looked down at Noah.
“Of course.”
Edward stood.
“I’m not asking you to forgive that.”
“Good.”
“I’m telling you because I don’t want you building me into something I’m not.”
Rachel swallowed.
“Don’t worry.”
He accepted that.
At the door he stopped.
“Derek wants to talk to you.”
“No.”
“I told him that.”
“Thank you.”
“He may try another way.”
Rachel looked at her dead phone on the changing table.
“He usually does.”
Lena arrived twenty-three minutes later in black scrub pants, white sneakers, and a winter coat thrown over a sweatshirt that said TRAUMA TEAM in cracked gray letters.
Rachel had never been more relieved to see anyone dressed badly.
Lena walked into the nursery, took one look at Rachel, and said, “Oh, absolutely not.”
Rachel started crying.
Not dramatically.
Her face simply folded.
Lena crossed the room and held her carefully around Noah.
“You smell like a bar,” she murmured.
“Champagne.”
“Fancy bar.”
Rachel laughed into her shoulder.
Then Noah protested being compressed between them.
Lena stepped back.
“Sorry, sir.”
She inspected the scratch on Rachel’s cheek without touching it.
“Did he do that?”
“His ring.”
“That isn’t what I asked.”
Rachel closed her eyes.
“He grabbed me.”
Lena’s mouth hardened.
Rachel said, “Don’t.”
“I didn’t say anything.”
“You made the face.”
“What face?”
“The face where you’re right.”
“I have an expressive face.”
“You have an unbearable face.”
“Also true.”
For several minutes they packed.
Diapers.
Wipes.
Three sleepers.
Formula backup.
Pumped milk from the nursery refrigerator.
Bottles.
Rachel’s breast pump.
Noah’s insurance card.
A folder of medical information.
Two changes of Rachel’s clothes.
Her toothbrush.
Medication.
The absurdly specific cream Noah’s pediatrician recommended for a rash that had already disappeared.
Rachel stood in front of the closet looking at forty dresses and could not choose socks.
Lena reached around her, grabbed three pairs, and put them in the bag.
“This is why I’m here.”
“I used to travel internationally with artwork worth eight million dollars.”
“And now socks have defeated you.”
“Yes.”
“Parenthood.”
Rachel sat on the edge of the bed.
Her dead phone lay inside a plastic bag Daniel had provided.
Lena zipped the diaper bag.
“Where are we going?”
“Your place.”
“No.”
Rachel looked up.
Lena shook her head.
“He knows where I live.”
“Then where?”
“My sister’s.”
“Does Derek know where she lives?”
“He barely remembers I have a sister.”
Rachel hesitated.
“You told her?”
“I told her you need somewhere quiet for a few nights.”
“What else?”
“That your husband is an asshole.”
“Lena.”
“I told her that in 2022.”
Despite everything, Rachel smiled.
Then came a knock.
Three firm taps.
Lena looked at the door.
Rachel’s body reacted before thought.
Shoulders tight.
Breath stopped.
Lena saw it.
“Who is it?”
Daniel answered from the hall.
“Mrs. Hayes? Your husband asked me to deliver something.”
Rachel looked at Lena.
Lena’s eyebrows rose.
Rachel said, “Come in.”
Daniel opened the door but did not cross the threshold.
He held an envelope.
“He asked that I give you this.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did Edward send it?”
“No.”
Rachel did not take it.
“Open it.”
Daniel looked uncomfortable.
“It’s sealed.”
“You’re security.”
“That doesn’t make me a postal inspector.”
Lena snorted.
Daniel almost smiled.
Rachel said, “Fine. Put it there.”
He placed the envelope on a dresser.
After he left, Rachel stared at it.
Lena said, “Want me to?”
“No.”
Rachel opened it herself.
Inside was a single sheet of stationery.
Derek’s handwriting.
Rach,
Take tonight. Take tomorrow. I’m not going to fight you. Noah needs both of us calm.
Please don’t let my father turn this into something it isn’t.
I love you.
D.
Rachel read it twice.
Lena said nothing.
That was one of the reasons Rachel still trusted her.
“So?” Rachel asked.
“You tell me.”
“I hate when people do that.”
“I know.”
Rachel looked again.
I’m not going to fight you.
Not I’m sorry.
Not I scared you.
Not I shouldn’t have grabbed you.
Noah needs both of us calm.
A shared failure.
My father.
An outside manipulator.
I love you.
The oldest lever.
Rachel folded the letter.
Then, after a moment, unfolded it.
“Take a picture.”
Lena did.
Rachel put the original back into the envelope.
“Evidence?” Lena asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Okay.”
“I hate calling my life evidence.”
Lena’s expression softened.
“I know.”
They left the mansion through the kitchen entrance because Rachel could not face the remaining guests.
Half the staff was cleaning up early.
A dishwasher sprayed plates. Someone had stacked thirty unused dessert dishes beside a sink. The pastry chef was wrapping miniature chocolate cakes in plastic.
The ordinary work of a ruined evening continued.
Rachel stopped at the counter.
One of the cooks had made grilled cheese sandwiches for the staff.
She stared at them.
Lena followed her gaze.
“You hungry?”
“No.”
“You haven’t eaten.”
“I had two shrimp.”
“At what time?”
“Seven?”
“It’s almost ten.”
May you like
Rachel took half a sandwich.
She ate it standing in a service hallway while wearing a burgundy velvet gown and holding a diaper bag.
