Chương 5
At 1:04 a.m., Nathan carried Lily upstairs.
Daniel had put fresh sheets on the spare bed and found an old night-light shaped like a moon.
Lily looked at it.
“That was mine,” Daniel said.
“You’re old,” Lily answered.
Daniel put a hand over his heart.
Nathan almost laughed.
Lily fell asleep with Ranger on the floor beside the bed.
The dog had refused to leave her since they returned from the hospital.
Nathan sat on the carpet.
Daniel leaned against the doorframe.
Neither spoke for a while.
Finally Daniel said, “You look terrible.”
Nathan looked down at the undershirt and muddy uniform trousers he had forgotten to change.
“Thanks.”
“You want sweatpants?”
“No.”
“You definitely want sweatpants.”
“Fine.”
Daniel returned with a gray pair from a charity 10K neither brother remembered him running.
Nathan changed in the bathroom.
When he came back, Daniel was sitting on the stairs.
“What did Rebecca do?”
Nathan stopped.
“We don’t know.”
“You know enough to be here.”
Nathan lowered himself onto the step.
Daniel had never liked Rebecca.
That was too simple.
The truth was that Daniel had liked Rebecca for the first seven years, disliked her for two, tolerated her for three, and avoided her for the last year.
Nathan had treated that progression as sibling irritation.
“Did you know something was wrong?” Nathan asked.
Daniel rubbed his hands together.
“I knew she was pissed at you.”
“Everybody knows Rebecca gets pissed at me.”
“This was different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know.”
“Try.”
Daniel looked upstairs.
“She started saying things.”
“What things?”
“That you liked being gone.”
Nathan felt himself stiffen.
“To you?”
“To Mom. To me. Once at Lily’s soccer game.”
“When?”
“Spring.”
“And nobody told me?”
Daniel gave him a tired look.
“You want the truth?”
“Yes.”
“No, you don’t.”
Nathan stared at him.
Daniel continued.
“Every time anybody says Rebecca is unhappy, you defend her. Every time Rebecca says you’re never home, you defend the job. Every time Mom says maybe you should transfer, you tell her she doesn’t understand military life. Every conversation with you turns into a briefing about why the situation is actually fine.”
Nathan’s face warmed.
Daniel shrugged.
“So people stopped briefing you.”
“That’s cute.”
“It wasn’t supposed to be.”
Nathan looked at the floor.
A washing machine thumped somewhere in the neighboring unit.
Daniel sighed.
“I’m not saying she locked Lily in a hole.”
“Good.”
“I’m saying there was smoke.”
“And I told everyone it was fog.”
Daniel’s expression softened.
“Something like that.”
At 2:18, Nathan made coffee.
At 2:21, he forgot it on the kitchen counter.
At 2:49, he checked Lily’s breathing for the sixth time.
At 3:07, Ranger lifted his head and looked at him as if requesting an explanation for human stupidity.
Nathan sat beside the dog.
“You knew.”
Ranger put his chin back on the carpet.
“Yeah. Helpful.”
At 5:40, Lily woke screaming.
Not loudly.
That would have been easier.
She woke with a strangled sound and kicked at the blanket until Nathan grabbed her hand.
“Lily.”
She recoiled.
“It’s Dad.”
Her eyes found him.
Then the room.
Then Ranger.
Her breathing slowed.
“Where’s Mom?”
Nathan’s answer stuck.
“At Aunt—”
He stopped. Rebecca had not gone to her sister. She was staying with her cousin Michael.
“Mom’s somewhere else tonight.”
“Is she mad?”
“No.”
He heard the lie as soon as he said it.
Lily heard it too.
“Are you mad?”
Nathan sat on the edge of the bed.
“Yes.”
“At me?”
“No.”
She stared at the moon night-light.
“You yelled.”
“At the hatch.”
“You yelled really loud.”
“I did.”
“I thought you were mad at me for going in.”
Nathan closed his eyes for a second.
“I’m sorry.”
Lily picked at the blanket.
“Mom said you’d be mad.”
He forced himself not to ask more.
Janice’s warning returned.
Do not make her responsible for your uncertainty.
Nathan breathed through his nose.
“You don’t have to tell me anything right now.”
Lily looked at him.
“What if I want to?”
“Then I’ll listen.”
She thought about that.
“Mom said I ruined everything.”
Nathan’s fingers curled against his knee.
He kept his face still.
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“Okay.”
“She was packing.”
Nathan waited.
Lily continued because she chose to.
“She said we were going somewhere.”
“Did she say where?”
“No.”
“I asked if you were coming.”
Nathan’s throat tightened.
“And what did she say?”
“She said no.”
Lily’s mouth trembled.
“She said your plane was going to go down and there wouldn’t be any reason to wait anymore.”
Nathan stared at the carpet.
He was aware of every sound in the room.
Ranger breathing.
The vent clicking.
A truck shifting gears outside.
Lily’s fingernail scratching the cotton blanket.
“What happened after that?”
“I said she was lying.”
Nathan looked at her.
Lily’s eyes filled.
“I said I was going to call you.”
“Okay.”
“She took my tablet.”
“Okay.”
“I tried to get it back.”
Nathan’s voice became very quiet.
“Did she hurt you?”
Lily shook her head.
“She grabbed my arm.”
“Show me.”
Lily touched her left upper arm.
No bruise was visible in the dim light.
“Then what?”
“She said I needed to calm down.”
Nathan swallowed.
“I ran outside.”
“To the playset?”
Lily nodded.
“Why?”
“I hide there sometimes.”
“In the crawlspace?”
“No. Just under the slide.”
He waited.
“She came outside.”
Lily stopped.
“You’re doing good.”
“I don’t want to say.”
“You don’t have to.”
“She said Ranger went under there.”
Nathan glanced at the dog.
Ranger opened one eye.
“She said he was stuck.”
Lily’s voice got thinner.
“So I looked.”
“And you went inside?”
Lily nodded.
“Then?”
“She shut it.”
Nathan’s body went cold.
“Did you see her shut it?”
“No.”
The correction came immediately.
Nathan caught himself.
“Okay.”
“I heard it.”
“The hatch?”
“Yes.”
“Did you hear the latch?”
Lily nodded.
Nathan wanted to ask ten more questions.
He did not.
Instead he said, “Thank you for telling me.”
Lily looked confused.
“That’s it?”
May you like
“That’s it.”
“You’re not going to ask why?”
