Chương 12
There it was again.
The dangerous temptation.
To become necessary.
To rush in.
To let being loved by three frightened children erase every boundary.
“I know.”
“Please.”
“Listen to me. Your dad is sad.”
“He’s always sad now.”
“Yes.”
“That means he needs you.”
“No.”
Noah went quiet.
Emma’s voice softened.
“It means he needs help. That isn’t the same thing.”
“You help.”
“I can help you. I can’t fix your dad.”
“Why?”
“Because grown-ups have to choose some things for themselves.”
Noah sniffed.
“That’s stupid.”
“Sometimes.”
“Are you coming?”
Emma looked at Grace.
Grace watched her carefully.
“Yes,” Emma said. “But I’m calling Caroline first.”
The house was quiet when Emma arrived.
Too quiet for three boys.
Caroline met her at the door.
“He hasn’t slept.”
“Is he drinking?”
“No.”
“Eating?”
“Barely.”
“Has he talked to his therapist?”
“He canceled twice.”
Emma took off her coat.
“Then why am I here?”
Caroline looked exhausted.
“Because Noah called you.”
“That’s not good enough.”
“I know.”
Emma stared at her.
Caroline sat on the bottom stair.
“He thinks Rachel called him that night.”
Emma’s anger vanished.
“What?”
“Daniel found an old billing record. One missed call at nine-forty-seven.”
Emma stopped breathing for a moment.
“After the crash.”
“Yes.”
“Did she leave a voicemail?”
“No.”
“Did he see the call?”
“He was at dinner in New York.”
“Did he call back?”
“An hour later.”
Emma sat beside her.
“What happened?”
“Owen answered Rachel’s phone.”
Emma turned slowly.
Caroline’s eyes were wet.
“He told Daniel Rachel was fine.”
The cruelty of it took time to enter the room.
Not Owen’s cruelty.
Daniel’s memory.
For three years, he had possessed a moment that seemed ordinary.
A missed call.
A returned call.
A trusted employee saying everything was fine.
Now the same moment meant Rachel might have been lying injured beneath the road while her husband continued dinner.
Emma looked upstairs.
“Where is his phone?”
Caroline blinked.
“What?”
“His phone.”
“Why?”
“Because if he’s in that room replaying the call log, he needs to stop.”
“That sounds like therapist territory.”
“It is.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“Get him to call one.”
Daniel’s bedroom door was unlocked.
Emma knocked anyway.
No answer.
She entered.
He sat on the floor beside the bed in sweatpants and a T-shirt.
The curtains were closed.
His phone lay in front of him.
A photograph of Rachel filled the screen.
Emma stayed near the door.
“Noah called me.”
Daniel did not look up.
“He shouldn’t have.”
“No.”
“You came.”
“Yes.”
“I told Caroline not to call anyone.”
“She didn’t.”
He finally looked at her.
His face shocked her.
Not because he was crying.
He was not.
Because he looked emptied.
“They said she might have lived.”
Emma did not answer.
“They said if he’d called.”
“I know.”
“She called me.”
“I know.”
“I didn’t answer.”
“You were at dinner.”
“I didn’t answer.”
“Daniel.”
“I silenced it.”
Emma’s stomach twisted.
He looked at the phone.
“She had called me three times that week. We were fighting. I saw her name and silenced it.”
Emma sat on the chair across the room.
Not beside him.
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Good.”
He laughed once.
A terrible sound.
“Everyone keeps saying things.”
“What things?”
“That I couldn’t have known. That Owen lied. That Rachel was supposed to call emergency services. That none of this is my fault.”
Emma looked at him.
“Do you want me to say it is?”
He met her eyes.
“Maybe.”
“No.”
His expression hardened.
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t know.”
“I ignored her.”
“Yes.”
“I didn’t believe her.”
“Yes.”
“I trusted Owen.”
“Yes.”
“He left her there.”
“Yes.”
Daniel stared.
Emma’s voice remained quiet.
“All of those things can be true without you being the person who drove behind her for twenty miles and waited two hours to call for help.”
“But if I had believed her—”
“You didn’t.”
He flinched.
Emma continued.
“You don’t get to change that by destroying yourself now.”
His jaw tightened.
“You sound like a therapist.”
“No. A therapist would probably say that better.”
He looked away.
Emma let the silence stay.
After a while Daniel said, “She asked me why I kept explaining her fear.”
“I remember.”
“I thought she was sick.”
“Maybe she was.”
He looked at her.
Emma shrugged.
“People can be depressed and still be right about being followed.”
He almost smiled.
“Apparently.”
“Rachel didn’t need to be perfectly healthy to deserve belief.”
Daniel closed his eyes.
Emma continued.
“And you don’t need to decide whether you’re a monster before lunch.”
He opened them.
“That sounds like Grace.”
“It is.”
“She said that?”
“About me once.”
Daniel blinked.
“You?”
“Different situation.”
“What happened?”
Emma shook her head.
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because this is not where I turn your breakdown into intimacy.”
The words startled both of them.
Daniel looked down.
“Right.”
Emma almost apologized.
Instead she said, “Call your therapist.”
“I canceled.”
“Call back.”
“No.”
“Then I’m leaving.”
He looked up.
“What?”
“Noah thinks I can fix you. I’m not teaching him that.”
Daniel stared at her.
She stood.
“You can be devastated. You can stay in bed. You can hate yourself for a while if that’s what you need. But if you are going to disappear in this room, I’m not going to let the boys think bringing Emma over is the solution.”
He rubbed his face.
“Jesus.”
“Call.”
He glared at her.
There was life in it.
Good.
“Fine.”
“Now.”
“Emma.”
“Your phone is literally on the floor.”
He picked it up.
She turned toward the door.
“Stay.”
Emma stopped.
“Until they answer.”
She turned back.
Daniel called.
The therapist answered on the third ring.
Emma left before the conversation began.
Downstairs, Noah waited.
“Did you fix him?”
“No.”
His face fell.
“He called someone who can help.”
“Who?”
“A therapist.”
“Like mine?”
“You have one?”
Noah nodded.
“She has weird shoes.”
Emma smiled.
“Then probably similar.”
Noah thought.
“Are you leaving?”
May you like
“In a minute.”
“You always leave.”
