Chương 9
“I didn’t say that.”
“You think because I lied, she becomes innocent of everything.”
“No.”
“Yes, you do.”
Daniel walked toward the front door.
“I think I don’t know which things are true anymore.”
Vanessa went silent.
At the threshold he turned.
“That is what your lying cost first.”
Her face changed.
He continued before he could stop himself.
“Before the job. Before the marriage. Before whatever happens with the county. You made it impossible to know when my daughter needed correction and when she needed protection.”
Vanessa looked down.
Daniel left.
In the car, Leah buckled her seat belt.
“You got a little speechy at the end.”
He stared at her.
She shrugged.
“It was deserved. Still speechy.”
Daniel started the engine.
After half a block, he laughed.
He did not want to.
It came out once, exhausted and wrong.
Leah laughed too.
Then both of them stopped.
At three o’clock Daniel was standing outside Emma’s classroom.
He had arrived twenty-three minutes early.
When Emma saw him, she ran.
He crouched and caught her.
“You came.”
“I said I would.”
“I know.”
The answer stung.
Mrs. Grant approached.
“Can I speak with you both?”
Emma stiffened.
The counselor noticed.
“Nothing bad,” she said. “I just want to make a plan for tomorrow.”
In her office, Mrs. Grant explained that Emma could come see her anytime. A child welfare worker might want to speak with Emma soon, but the details were not set.
Emma sat with her hands tucked beneath her thighs.
Then Mrs. Grant asked, “Is there anything you need from us to feel safe at school?”
Emma shook her head.
At the door she stopped.
“Mrs. Grant?”
“Yes?”
“If someone does something bad because you made them mad, is it still their fault?”
Daniel felt the air leave his lungs.
Mrs. Grant did not glance at him.
She kept her attention on Emma.
“People are responsible for what they choose to do when they’re angry.”
Emma frowned.
“Even if you were bad first?”
“You can be responsible for your choice, and they can be responsible for theirs.”
Emma looked at Daniel.
“That’s what Dad said.”
Mrs. Grant smiled slightly.
“Your dad got one right.”
Emma considered this impressive.
In the car, she asked for chicken nuggets.
Daniel almost said no because they had food at Leah’s.
Then he realized he had no idea what food Leah actually had.
They went through a drive-through.
Emma ate exactly three fries and none of the nuggets.
Daniel drank a coffee he did not want.
Halfway back to Leah’s, Emma said, “Vanessa made me say things.”
Daniel tightened his hands on the wheel.
He kept his voice even.
“You don’t have to tell me now.”
“I want to.”
He pulled into a grocery-store parking lot.
Not because he wanted a dramatic conversation in the car.
Because he did not trust himself to keep driving.
He parked near a cart return.
“What did she make you say?”
Emma folded the top of the paper bag.
“She made me tell you I broke stuff.”
“The vase?”
A nod.
“The bowl?”
“She was going to.”
“What do you mean?”
“She said when you came home I had to say I did it.”
“And if you didn’t?”
Emma stared at the folded bag.
“She said you were getting tired.”
Daniel felt something inside him go very still.
“Tired of what?”
“Me being difficult.”
He waited.
Emma’s voice grew quieter.
“She said you loved me because you had to, but someday you’d want a normal life.”
Daniel turned his face toward the windshield.
A woman was loading groceries into a minivan three spaces away. She lifted a watermelon, reconsidered, set it on the ground, and rearranged two bags first.
Daniel watched her because looking at his daughter was suddenly unbearable.
Emma continued.
“She said if I kept making problems, you might send me somewhere.”
“Colorado?”
Emma looked surprised.
“You know?”
“Yes.”
“She showed me pictures.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
“Recently?”
A shrug.
“Was it a school?”
“It had mountains.”
Daniel closed his eyes.
“What did she tell you about it?”
“That kids stay there until they learn.”
“Learn what?”
“To stop lying and ruining families.”
The words came out in Emma’s soft little voice.
Daniel had to open the car door.
He stepped outside.
Cold air from the grocery store entrance pushed across the parking lot every time the automatic doors opened.
He put both hands on the roof of the car.
Breathe.
He had spent years telling other people not to make decisions while emotional. Employees. Clients. His younger brother before a disastrous engagement Daniel had been completely wrong about.
Now every instinct in him wanted to drive home and destroy something.
He stayed beside the car until his breathing slowed.
Then he got back in.
Emma had not moved.
“Are you mad?”
“Yes.”
“At me?”
“No.”
She looked unconvinced.
Daniel turned toward her.
“Listen to me. You are not going anywhere because someone decides you are inconvenient.”
“But you knew about the school.”
“I knew Vanessa had looked at it. I told her no.”
“She said you might change your mind.”
“I won’t.”
“You promise?”
Daniel hesitated.
Promises had started to feel dangerous.
He could not promise Vanessa would never see Emma again. He could not promise no official would ask frightening questions. He could not promise the next year would be easy.
But this he could promise.
“I will never send you away because someone wants a quieter house.”
Emma’s face crumpled.
Not dramatically.
Her eyes simply filled, and she leaned across the center console.
Daniel pulled her against him.
She cried into his white shirt for less than a minute.
Then she sat back and wiped her nose with the back of her hand.
“Sorry.”
“For what?”
“Snot.”
Daniel looked at his shirt.
“That part may be unforgivable.”
She laughed through the tears.
May you like
He found napkins in the glove compartment.
That evening, a county worker named Dana Brooks met them at Leah’s house.
