Chương 9
“A case.”
“Then stop helping yourself become the angry man she described.”
He stood at her office window overlooking downtown traffic.
“I hate that she gets to be partly right about me.”
Mara folded another receipt.
“Most enemies are.”
He looked over.
“That’s depressing.”
“It’s why good litigation is expensive.”
The temporary hearing was held six weeks after the night in the foyer.
Ethan wore a navy suit instead of charcoal because Sophie told him the charcoal one made him look like “a funeral lawyer.”
He did not know what a funeral lawyer was.
Neither did she.
Natalie wore cream.
She looked beautiful.
That fact irritated him.
Some childish part of Ethan wanted wrongdoing to alter people visibly.
To make dishonesty stoop their shoulders or roughen their skin.
Natalie looked exactly like the woman he had married.
Maybe slightly thinner.
She did not look at him when she entered.
She did look at the children’s empty seats.
They were not required to appear.
The hearing did not produce the cinematic victory Ethan had secretly imagined.
The judge did not condemn Natalie.
Nobody delivered a speech.
There was no gasp in the courtroom.
The court continued the children’s primary placement with Ethan for the time being, ordered structured supervised contact for Natalie, restricted both parents from discussing litigation with the children, and required continued evaluation and therapy.
There would be more hearings.
More investigation.
More fees.
More uncertainty.
Outside the courtroom, Ethan felt strangely hollow.
Mara handed him a paper cup of coffee.
“That went well.”
“Did it?”
“For what today was, yes.”
“I thought I’d feel something.”
“You will.”
“When?”
She shrugged.
“You’ve met feelings. They’re badly managed.”
Natalie appeared at the far end of the corridor.
Her attorney walked beside her.
She slowed when she saw Ethan.
Voss said something to her.
Natalie ignored him and approached.
Mara stepped between them.
Natalie stopped.
“I need thirty seconds.”
Mara looked at Ethan.
He shook his head.
Natalie laughed bitterly.
“Of course.”
She turned away.
Then Ethan said, “Wait.”
Mara looked at him.
He walked only close enough to speak without raising his voice.
Natalie faced him.
For a second neither said anything.
Then she asked, “Are they okay?”
The question surprised him.
“Yes.”
Her eyes filled.
She looked down.
“Does Noah still sleep with that stupid shark?”
Ethan felt something tighten in his throat.
“Yes.”
“He told me he didn’t.”
“He lies about it because Sophie teases him.”
Natalie almost smiled.
Then the smile vanished.
“Does Sophie hate me?”
“I’m not answering that.”
“Why?”
“Because whatever she feels belongs to her.”
Natalie swallowed.
“You sound like your therapist.”
“I have one now.”
That did make her smile.
A tired, broken version.
“Finally.”
For one dangerous instant they were married again.
Two people who knew each other’s worst habits.
Then Natalie said, “You think that card tells you everything.”
“No.”
“You think I’m a monster.”
“I think you hurt them.”
Her face hardened.
“You hurt them too.”
“I know.”
The answer stopped her.
Natalie stared.
Ethan continued.
“I’m dealing with mine.”
“You get to say that because yours doesn’t leave marks.”
He thought of Sophie at the top of the stairs.
“No.”
Natalie’s eyes moved away.
Her attorney called her name.
She wiped beneath one eye before any tear could fall.
“I was losing them.”
Ethan said nothing.
“They started going to you for everything.”
Still nothing.
“You came home and suddenly they had this perfect father who brought gifts and fixed things and never had to be the one saying no every day.”
“That isn’t what happened.”
“It is what it felt like.”
Ethan could hear Mara shifting behind him.
Natalie continued quickly.
“I was there for fevers. School calls. Nightmares. Homework. You got airport hugs.”
“You could have told me you were drowning.”
“I did.”
He almost denied it.
Then remembered complaints he had translated into criticism because it was easier.
You’re never here.
I need help.
I’m tired of being the bad cop.
You walk in and undo every rule I made.
He had heard resentment.
Maybe some of it had been desperation.
“You did,” he said.
Natalie’s face crumpled for half a second.
Then she recovered.
“That doesn’t excuse what I did.”
“No.”
“I know.”
It was the first time he had heard her say it without qualification.
Her attorney called again.
Natalie looked toward him.
Then back to Ethan.
“I didn’t mean to hit Sophie that hard.”
Ethan’s expression changed.
Natalie saw it.
“I know how that sounds.”
“Do you?”
“Yes.”
“Then don’t ask me to make it better.”
“I’m not.”
She walked away.
Ethan stood in the corridor long after she disappeared into the elevator.
Mara finally said, “That conversation was legally unwise.”
“I know.”
“Emotionally?”
He looked at the closed elevator doors.
“Probably also unwise.”
“Good.”
He glanced at her.
“Good?”
“You’re developing judgment.”
Two months passed.
The household changed slowly.
Sophie stopped wearing the gray dresses Natalie preferred and began choosing jeans almost every day.
Noah developed a habit of checking that chairs were stable before sitting.
The first time Ethan noticed, he went into the pantry afterward and stood alone for a minute with both hands on the counter.
Then he called Dr. Pierce.
Not Mara.
Progress.
Ethan traveled once in those two months.
One night.
Philadelphia.
He nearly canceled.
Sophie told him not to.
“You have work.”
“So?”
“So go.”
“You sure?”
“No.”
He waited.
She rolled her eyes.
“You said I don’t have to be sure.”
He smiled.
“Fair.”
Before leaving, he gave both children the full schedule, the hotel name, his return flight, and the number of the family friend staying at the house.
Noah asked whether the plane could crash.
Ethan said yes.
Noah stared.
Sophie said, “You’re supposed to say no.”
“I’m terrible at reassurance.”
“You really are.”
Ethan crouched in front of Noah.
“The plane is very, very unlikely to crash. I expect to be home tomorrow at six thirty.”
May you like
“What if you’re late?”
“I’ll text.”
