Chương 12
Daniel understood what his son was doing.
Not excusing Rachel.
Restoring complexity.
People were not one thing.
Teacher stuff.
At one thirty, Daniel found Rachel in the office chair.
The lamp was on.
The blue notebook rested closed on her lap.
She was awake.
He leaned against the doorway.
“Noah confessed to stealing duct tape.”
Rachel stared at him.
“What?”
“Apparently tonight is the family honesty festival.”
A laugh broke out of her before she could stop it.
Daniel smiled.
Rachel covered her face.
“This is horrible.”
“Yes.”
They stayed like that for a moment.
Rachel lowered her hands.
“How are they?”
“Emily’s asleep. Noah’s pretending to be.”
She nodded.
Daniel looked at the notebook.
“I’m not asking to read it.”
“Okay.”
“I want to ask something else.”
Rachel waited.
“Were you going to take the kids without telling me?”
Her face changed immediately.
“No.”
Daniel watched her.
“I thought about leaving you,” she said. “I never thought about disappearing with them.”
“Did you plan custody?”
“No.”
“Did you plan where you’d live?”
“I looked at apartments online.”
“Where?”
“Nearby.”
“How nearby?”
“Ten minutes.”
Daniel exhaled.
Rachel’s voice sharpened slightly.
“I wasn’t planning an escape from a dangerous man, Daniel.”
“I know.”
“I was planning how to separate from my husband without destroying our children’s lives.”
He nodded.
“That still hurts.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
Rachel looked at him.
The bitterness in the word surprised him.
He rubbed his face.
“Sorry.”
“You don’t have to apologize every time you’re angry.”
“I do when I use it badly.”
Rachel looked down.
“That’s new.”
Daniel’s jaw tightened.
She saw it.
“I didn’t mean that as an insult.”
“I know.”
He stepped into the room and sat on the floor against the wall because there was nowhere else.
Rachel watched him.
After a moment, she shifted her feet so there was space between them.
Daniel said, “You told the kids not to tell me.”
“Yes.”
“Walk me through today.”
Rachel closed the notebook.
“This morning I went downstairs for wrapping paper.”
“For what?”
“Emily’s school project.”
Daniel nodded.
“I saw the storage door open. The box was on the floor.”
“You knew.”
“Yes.”
“Did you ask them?”
“Not immediately.”
“What did you do?”
“I put everything back. Then I drove them to school.”
“Were you angry?”
“Terrified.”
“Of what?”
“You.”
Daniel looked at her.
“Of telling you,” Rachel corrected. “Not of you physically.”
He nodded once.
“At pickup, Noah asked if Grandma’s necklace was supposed to be downstairs.”
Daniel shut his eyes.
Rachel continued.
“I told him he shouldn’t have gone into the storage room.”
“What did he say?”
“That Emily opened the box.”
“And?”
“I told them they were not to touch anything and not to tell you until I explained.”
“That is not what Noah heard.”
“I know that now.”
“What did you say exactly?”
Rachel stared at the notebook.
“I said, ‘Do not tell your father what you saw. I need to talk to him first.’”
Daniel was silent.
“That’s better than what I imagined,” he said.
“It’s still wrong.”
“Yes.”
Rachel’s mouth tightened.
“Then all afternoon I kept trying to decide how to tell you.”
“Did you text me?”
“No.”
“Call?”
“No.”
“Write it down?”
She gave him a tired look.
“No.”
“What happened tonight?”
“They asked to go outside. I said homework first. Noah got angry. He said I couldn’t tell him what to do because I was a thief.”
Daniel grimaced.
Rachel nodded.
“Yeah.”
“What did you say?”
“I told him to lower his voice.”
“And?”
“Emily started crying. Noah told her not to. Then he said they should tell you.”
Daniel looked toward the hall.
Rachel continued.
“I panicked.”
“The photograph?”
“It was on the console.”
“So you picked it up and smashed it.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Rachel looked humiliated.
“I don’t know.”
“Try.”
She breathed in.
“I wanted them to understand that what they were doing could hurt the family.”
Daniel stared at her.
Rachel closed her eyes.
“I know.”
“You used the family photograph as a threat.”
“I know.”
“You made them responsible for keeping us together.”
“I know.”
Daniel looked at the floor.
Rachel’s voice broke.
“I know.”
That was the first time she cried.
Quietly.
No shaking shoulders.
No dramatic collapse.
She pressed her lips together, but tears continued.
Daniel sat against the wall and did not touch her.
Rachel wiped her face.
“I heard myself after I did it.”
Daniel looked up.
“What?”
“The frame hit the floor, and I heard the glass break, and Emily looked at me…”
Rachel stopped.
Daniel waited.
“She looked at me like I was somebody else.”
Daniel said nothing.
“I wanted to take it back before the sound stopped.”
Her fingers tightened on the notebook.
“Then the door opened.”
Daniel nodded.
“I thought you were going to kill me.”
His face changed.
Rachel immediately shook her head.
“Not literally.”
“Bad choice of words.”
“Yes.”
“Very.”
“I thought my life was going to blow up.”
“It did.”
“I know.”
Daniel looked at his hands.
After a while he said, “I don’t think we should decide anything tonight.”
Rachel nodded.
“But tomorrow we tell each other everything financial.”
Her eyes lifted.
“All accounts. All debt. Everything.”
“Yes.”
“No more private emergency money?”
Rachel hesitated.
Daniel saw it.
She said, “I want money that is mine.”
He almost objected.
Stopped.
“How much?”
Rachel gave him a look.
Daniel caught himself.
“Wrong question.”
“Yes.”
He leaned his head back against the wall.
“You should have money that is yours.”
Rachel studied him.
“So should I.”
“You already do.”
“I mean without accounting to each other for every dollar.”
Daniel nodded slowly.
“We can figure out what that looks like.”
Rachel’s shoulders loosened a little.
“Together?”
“Yes.”
She nodded.
Daniel continued.
“We schedule counseling.”
Rachel looked surprised.
“You hate counseling.”
“I hate paying someone to ask me how something makes me feel.”
“That is not what counseling is.”
“That is exactly what I imagine it is.”
May you like
Despite herself, Rachel smiled.
Daniel continued.
