Chương 8
Richard looked down.
Eleanor swallowed.
“I need everyone to stop making her reasons larger than what she did.”
He nodded.
“Okay.”
“Say it.”
“Okay.”
She watched him.
He tried again.
“What she did matters more than why she did it.”
Eleanor leaned back.
“Thank you.”
The foundation board met Friday morning in a conference room overlooking the river.
Vanessa arrived first.
She wore navy, not burgundy.
She had slept badly enough that concealer did not hide it.
Celia Grant arrived next and sat at the opposite end of the table.
“Morning.”
Vanessa almost laughed.
“Is it?”
Celia removed her glasses and cleaned them.
“I never know what to say in these situations.”
“You could say you’re sorry.”
“For what?”
Vanessa looked at her.
Celia put the glasses back on.
“That’s the problem, Vanessa. There are too many options.”
Board members entered in awkward pairs.
Nobody hugged her.
Nobody openly shunned her either.
One man asked if she wanted coffee.
She said no.
He looked relieved to have completed a normal interaction.
At 9:03 Eleanor entered with Richard.
Vanessa stared at him.
“This is a board meeting.”
“I know.”
“You are not currently a voting member.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you here?”
Eleanor answered.
“Because I asked him.”
Vanessa looked at her mother.
The black cane struck the carpet softly with each step.
Same silver handle.
Same fresh scrape.
Vanessa could not stop looking at it.
Eleanor took her seat.
Richard sat against the wall.
Vanessa said, “Are we really doing this with him watching?”
Eleanor arranged her papers.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m tired of asking everyone to leave rooms so our family can pretend it behaves better in private.”
Nobody moved.
Vanessa looked at the other board members.
“This is exactly what I’m talking about.”
Celia said, “What are you talking about?”
“My mother making everything moral.”
Eleanor’s face changed slightly.
Vanessa continued before courage left her.
“She doesn’t disagree with you. She makes you wrong.”
“Vanessa,” Richard said.
Eleanor lifted a hand without looking at him.
He stopped.
Vanessa gave a bitter smile.
“See?”
Eleanor said, “Let her finish.”
That surprised everyone, including Vanessa.
She did not know what to do with the permission.
Her voice lost some of its sharpness.
“You’ve done it my whole life. If I chose something you wouldn’t choose, it wasn’t different. It was disappointing. If I made a mistake, you didn’t get angry. You got quiet. Do you know how much worse that was?”
Eleanor listened.
Vanessa’s eyes filled.
“I ran this foundation for six years. I doubled individual donations. I opened two centers. I worked weekends you didn’t even know about. And every time something went well, you found the one thing that could have been cleaner.”
Celia shifted uncomfortably.
Vanessa saw it.
“No, I’m not asking anyone to feel sorry for me.”
“Good,” Eleanor said.
Vanessa laughed.
“There. That.”
Eleanor’s fingers tightened around a pen.
Richard began to rise.
Eleanor looked at him.
He sat again.
Vanessa wiped beneath one eye.
“I shouldn’t have touched you.”
The room became still.
She looked directly at Eleanor.
“I shouldn’t have grabbed you. I shouldn’t have kicked the cane.”
Eleanor said nothing.
“I was angry.”
“Yes.”
“You called me a spoiled child in front of staff.”
“I did.”
“You threatened my job.”
“I questioned whether you should continue running the foundation.”
“You knew what that meant.”
“Yes.”
Vanessa’s breath shook.
“I wanted you to feel helpless for once.”
Richard made a sound under his breath.
Vanessa looked at him.
“I know how that sounds.”
Eleanor’s face had gone very still.
“No,” she said. “I think it sounds exactly like what happened.”
Vanessa looked back at her.
“That’s not who I am.”
Eleanor waited.
Vanessa seemed to want help finishing the sentence.
None came.
Finally Eleanor said, “Then it cannot be something you say. It has to become something you prove.”
Vanessa lowered her eyes.
Celia cleared her throat.
“We need to address the accounting review.”
The meeting continued for two hours and twelve minutes.
There was no catharsis.
There were motions.
Questions.
A dispute over whether Vanessa should be placed on administrative leave or terminated immediately.
One board member insisted the financial concealment was more serious than the gala incident.
Another said separating them was exactly the kind of thinking that had allowed the gala incident to happen.
Vanessa’s attorney objected to language in the preliminary review.
The foundation’s counsel reminded everyone that an internal accounting discrepancy was not a criminal finding.
Richard stayed silent until staying silent became visibly painful.
Eleanor voted to place Vanessa on leave pending the final financial review and an outside workplace investigation.
The motion passed seven to two.
Vanessa did not vote.
When it was over, everyone gathered papers slowly.
Nobody knew how to leave.
Vanessa stood.
“Mom.”
Eleanor looked up.
“Can I talk to you alone?”
Richard started to move.
Eleanor said, “Yes.”
He stopped.
Vanessa and Eleanor went into the smaller room next door.
There were no chandeliers there.
No donors.
No cameras.
Just a conference table, six chairs, and a dead plant in the corner.
Vanessa closed the door.
For several seconds they stared at each other.
Then Vanessa sat.
Eleanor remained standing until her hip protested. She sat opposite.
Vanessa looked at the cane.
“I keep seeing it.”
Eleanor said nothing.
“When I close my eyes.”
“Good.”
Vanessa flinched.
Eleanor looked tired rather than angry.
“You should see it.”
“I said I’m sorry.”
“You did.”
“What else do you want?”
“I don’t know.”
Vanessa leaned back.
“That’s terrifying.”
“For you?”
“Yes.”
Eleanor almost smiled.
“Imagine how I feel.”
Vanessa looked away.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me today.”
“That’s wise.”
“I don’t know what happened to me.”
Eleanor’s gaze sharpened.
“Don’t do that.”
“What?”
“Turn yourself into a mystery.”
Vanessa swallowed.
“You were angry. You were afraid of losing your job. You resented me. You wanted control. You decided hurting me would give it back to you.”
May you like
Vanessa’s eyes filled again.
“That sounds horrible.”
