Chương 4
“I know.”
“Then that’s what happened.”
He lowered himself into the chair.
The baby settled against his chest.
Ethan looked down.
The anger that had carried him through the hospital disappeared so completely that Maya almost resented it.
He touched one finger to the newborn’s hand.
The tiny fingers closed around it.
Ethan swallowed.
“What’s his name?”
Maya’s expression changed.
He looked up.
“You named him.”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“Caleb.”
“Caleb what?”
“Caleb James Bennett.”
Ethan repeated it under his breath.
“Caleb.”
The child slept.
Ethan’s thumb moved once over the edge of the blanket.
“James?”
“My dad.”
He nodded.
Maya’s father had died six years earlier. Ethan knew that. He knew she still kept a voicemail in which her father complained about a broken garbage disposal and forgot why he had called. He knew she listened to it on difficult birthdays.
There were too many things Ethan knew about Maya.
There were too many things he had not known.
His phone vibrated.
He looked at the screen.
VANESSA.
The call stopped before he answered.
A second later, a message appeared.
Do not come home tonight.
Ethan locked the screen.
Maya saw enough of his face.
“She told you not to come home.”
He did not answer.
“I didn’t do this to her.”
Maya stared at him.
“I know how that sounds.”
“Do you?”
“I mean I didn’t get pregnant to break you up.”
“I didn’t think you did.”
“I was going to disappear.”
“With my son.”
Her shoulders tightened.
“There. That.”
“What?”
“Your son.”
“He is.”
“He is also mine.”
“I didn’t say he wasn’t.”
“You walked in here and claimed him like property.”
Ethan looked down at Caleb, then back at her.
“You’re right.”
The agreement irritated her.
“Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Becoming reasonable after you’ve already blown something up.”
He considered the accusation.
“That’s fair too.”
“God, you’re annoying.”
“I’ve heard that.”
“From your wife?”
His face closed.
Maya regretted the sentence immediately.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize for her.”
“I’m apologizing for me.”
He looked down again.
Caleb’s fist had loosened around Ethan’s finger.
For several minutes nobody spoke.
A nurse entered, glanced at the unexpected arrangement, checked Maya’s medication schedule, and asked if she wanted something stronger for pain. Maya said no, then changed her mind before the nurse reached the door.
“Actually, yes.”
The nurse nodded as if changing one’s mind was the most normal thing in the world.
Maybe it was.
Laura gathered the paperwork.
“I’m going to process what I can. I’ll come back if I need anything else.”
Maya looked at her.
“Thank you.”
Laura glanced at Ethan holding the newborn.
“Keep the drama below eighty decibels.”
Ethan almost smiled.
After Laura left, Maya lay back against the raised hospital bed.
The room smelled faintly of disinfectant, warm plastic, and the toast from breakfast she had never eaten.
“You should call Vanessa,” she said.
“She doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“That has never stopped you from believing you should get an answer.”
He looked at her.
“You’re angry with me for what happened to my marriage?”
“I’m angry at everyone.”
“That sounds exhausting.”
“It is.”
He waited.
Maya closed her eyes.
“I hated her.”
Ethan said nothing.
“I used to look at pictures of her.”
“Maya.”
“You should hear it.”
“No, I don’t think—”
“You asked why I didn’t tell you. This is part of why.”
He shifted Caleb carefully.
Maya stared at the ceiling.
“I looked at her social media. Charity dinners. Work events. That stupid picture from Napa where you had your hand on her back.”
“We were married.”
“I know. That’s what made it stupid. I was jealous of your wife for standing next to her own husband.”
Ethan’s expression tightened.
“I told myself she was cold because you said things were bad between you. I told myself she didn’t understand you. I told myself you were lonely.”
“I was lonely.”
“That doesn’t mean she was guilty.”
“No.”
“I needed her to be.”
He looked toward the door.
Maya’s voice dropped.
“When I found out I was pregnant, I stopped hating her.”
“Why?”
“Because suddenly I could imagine someone making decisions about my life without telling me.”
Ethan flinched.
Maya watched him.
“That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
“That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know.”
“You decided Vanessa deserved the truth, so you lied to both of us?”
“Yes.”
“That’s insane.”
“Yes.”
“You could have told me and let me decide what I did.”
“I didn’t trust your decision.”
His eyes hardened.
“Meaning?”
“Meaning you would have left her.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I knew you.”
“No. You knew the version of me that came to your apartment at eleven at night.”
The sentence sat between them.
Maya turned her face away.
It was the most honest thing he had said about their affair.
After a minute, she whispered, “That’s true.”
Ethan looked at Caleb.
“I ended it.”
“With me.”
“Yes.”
“Then went home to her.”
“Yes.”
“Were you going to tell her?”
He took too long.
Maya nodded.
“That’s what I thought.”
“I was trying to.”
“No. You were trying to find a version of the truth that didn’t cost you everything.”
His eyes met hers.
“And you weren’t?”
The room went quiet again.
This time neither apologized.
Ethan stayed until nearly five.
He changed one diaper badly.
Maya corrected him twice.
A nurse corrected both of them once.
Caleb cried because he was hungry, and Ethan handed him back with visible relief.
Maya fed the baby while Ethan stood by the window, giving her privacy without being asked. She noticed that. She also noticed he checked his phone eleven times and never received another message from Vanessa.
At five fifteen, Ethan said he was leaving.
Maya looked up.
“To Vanessa?”
“To a hotel.”
“Good.”
He almost laughed.
“You could pretend to be neutral.”
“I just had a baby. I’m retired from pretending.”
At the door, he stopped.
“I’m coming back tomorrow.”
May you like
Maya’s body went tense.
“We need to discuss that.”
