Chương 8
Daniel sat beside her.
Not touching.
But closer than he had been in days.
“I want Victoria to forgive me,” Rachel said. “Which is ridiculous.”
“Not ridiculous.”
“I also want her to stay far enough away that she can’t change our life.”
“That part may be ridiculous.”
Rachel looked at him.
He shrugged.
“She already changed it.”
“Fair.”
“And Lily?”
Rachel looked toward the hallway.
“She deserves to know her.”
Daniel nodded.
“Then let her.”
The first meeting happened in Central Park.
Rachel chose the playground near West Eighty-Fifth because Lily knew it well and because Victoria would have no control over anything there.
Victoria arrived six minutes early.
She wore jeans.
Rachel had never seen her in jeans.
Lily stared.
“You look different.”
Victoria glanced down.
“I was told the green dress might be inappropriate.”
Daniel coughed into his hand.
Rachel looked away.
Lily said, “You can wear dresses to the park.”
“I’ll remember that.”
Victoria had brought nothing.
Rachel noticed.
So did Lily.
“Did you bring the necklace?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Your mother has it.”
Lily turned to Rachel.
“You do?”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t tell me.”
“I was going to.”
“When?”
Rachel smiled despite herself.
“You are becoming very demanding about timelines.”
Lily did not know what that meant, but she accepted it as criticism and ran toward the swings.
Victoria watched her.
She did not move.
Rachel said, “Go.”
Victoria looked at her.
“She wants you to push her.”
“How do you know?”
“Because she’s sitting on the swing staring at you like you’re slow.”
Victoria went.
She pushed badly.
Too cautiously.
Lily complained.
“Higher.”
Victoria pushed slightly harder.
“Higher.”
Victoria looked toward Rachel.
Rachel nodded.
By the fifth push, Lily was laughing.
Victoria smiled.
It transformed her face.
Rachel had seen that smile once before.
On Evelyn.
The resemblance was not physical exactly.
It lived in the timing.
Rachel had to turn away.
Daniel noticed.
He came beside her.
“You okay?”
“No.”
“Me neither.”
They stood together watching Victoria Hale learn how to push a six-year-old on a swing.
After twenty minutes, Lily asked the question everyone had expected.
“Were you mean to Evelyn?”
Victoria did not answer immediately.
They were sitting on a bench. Lily had a pretzel balanced on her knees.
Rachel watched Victoria carefully.
“Yes,” Victoria said.
Lily chewed.
“All the time?”
“No.”
“Mom said you tried to control her.”
Victoria glanced at Rachel.
Rachel did not apologize.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
Victoria looked toward the playground.
“Because I was afraid something bad would happen if I didn’t.”
“Did it work?”
“No.”
Lily thought about that.
“My mom does that.”
Rachel stared.
Daniel turned away to hide a smile.
Victoria looked at Lily.
“What does she do?”
“She cuts my grapes in half even though I’m six.”
“That does seem excessive.”
“Thank you.”
Rachel folded her arms.
“This alliance is over.”
Lily grinned.
Victoria did too.
Then Lily asked, “Did Evelyn look like me?”
Victoria’s smile faded.
“A little.”
“Do you have pictures?”
“Thousands.”
“Can I see?”
Rachel waited.
Victoria looked at her first.
That mattered.
Rachel nodded.
“Some.”
That became the beginning.
Not forgiveness.
Not family.
The beginning.
Victoria came to the apartment the next week with one photo album.
Not twelve.
Rachel suspected this required enormous discipline.
Lily sat cross-legged on the rug while Victoria showed her Evelyn at six, twelve, seventeen, twenty-five.
In one picture Evelyn was missing a front tooth.
Lily loved that one.
In another she had fallen asleep at a dinner table wearing a paper crown.
Lily loved that more.
Rachel watched from the sofa.
Daniel sat at the kitchen island answering emails.
No one made a ceremony of it.
Halfway through the album Lily became bored and asked whether anyone wanted to play Uno.
Victoria admitted she had never played.
Lily looked genuinely horrified.
The photograph album was abandoned.
Victoria lost six consecutive games.
She accused Lily of cheating.
Lily accused Victoria of being bad at cards.
Daniel laughed so hard he had to leave the room.
Later, after Lily went to bed, Victoria remained at the table.
Rachel gathered the cards.
“She likes you.”
Victoria folded a red seven between her fingers.
“That terrifies me.”
“Good.”
Victoria looked up.
Rachel sat.
“I mean it. If it didn’t scare you, I’d worry.”
Victoria returned the card to the deck.
“I don’t know how to be this.”
“A grandmother?”
“A person she doesn’t need.”
Rachel understood.
Evelyn had needed Victoria when she was ill.
Rachel had needed her own mother when money was short.
Children created needs automatically, and adults often mistook meeting them for permission to decide everything else.
“She may need you someday,” Rachel said. “But that doesn’t mean you get to choose how.”
Victoria nodded.
“I know.”
“You’re going to hate it.”
“I already do.”
Rachel smiled.
Victoria looked toward Lily’s room.
“Evelyn would have enjoyed this.”
“The Uno humiliation?”
“My humiliation generally.”
“Yes.”
Silence settled.
Victoria said, “Why did you never tell Daniel about her?”
Rachel stiffened.
“I don’t think that’s your business.”
“No.”
Victoria stood.
“You’re right.”
She reached for her coat.
Rachel stopped her.
“Because I wanted one part of my life that wasn’t built around someone dying.”
Victoria remained still.
Rachel had not intended to continue.
She did.
“When I met Daniel, he didn’t look at me and see the woman whose partner died. He saw a tired single mother with applesauce on her sleeve.”
Victoria’s mouth twitched.
“Romantic.”
“It was.”
“And then?”
“Then every month I didn’t tell him made the next month harder.”
Victoria put on her coat.
“That I understand.”
Rachel looked at her.
Victoria buttoned the coat.
“I spent thirty-two years not telling Evelyn I was sorry for something because after the first year, apologizing required admitting I had wasted a year. Then two. Then ten.”
“What?”
Victoria looked toward the door.
“The summer house.”
Rachel stopped.
“I told her she was confused.”
“I know.”
“She asked me the next morning whether I meant it.”
May you like
Rachel said nothing.
“I said we should discuss it when she was healthier.”
