Chương 13
He sat at a picnic table and told Hannah he was sorry.
He did not say if. He did not say misunderstanding. He did not ask her to forgive him.
“I saw Grandma go back to the chairs,” he said. “I knew you were there. I should have come for you. I did not. I was afraid of making Grandma angry, and I let you be scared instead.”
Hannah picked at peeling paint on the table.
“Did you hear me call?”
Dennis swallowed. “No.”
“Would you have come if you heard?”
He looked at Jenna, then back at Hannah.
“I want to say yes. I don’t know if that would be true.”
Hannah nodded.
The answer seemed to disappoint her less than a promise would have.
“Do you live with Grandma?” she asked.
“Not right now.”
“Because of me?”
“No. Because I have not been honest in my marriage for a long time.”
“That sounds like therapy.”
Dennis smiled faintly. “It does.”
They fed ducks with approved pellets from a dispenser. Dennis put in too many quarters and received enough pellets for three visits. He gave the remaining handfuls to a toddler nearby.
When the hour ended, he did not ask for more time.
In the car, Hannah said, “Grandpa looked small.”
Jenna understood what she meant.
“Did you feel safe?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to see him again?”
“Maybe.”
That was enough.
Brenda’s response came through a letter to Andrew.
Your father has chosen humiliation over loyalty. I hope you are satisfied. I will not grovel for loving my family imperfectly. One day Hannah will understand that you taught her to fear people who expected anything from her.
Andrew read the letter alone in the garage. Then he brought it inside and handed it to Jenna.
“She thinks we’re teaching Hannah that expectations are dangerous.”
“We’re teaching her abandonment is.”
“Do you think we’re making her too afraid?”
Jenna looked at him. “Yes.”
He blinked.
“Sometimes,” she added. “We check too often. We watch her face every time somebody says hurry. You carry her when she can walk. I ask whether she feels safe until the question itself tells her she shouldn’t.”
Andrew sat down.
“So she’s right?”
“No. A harmful person can notice a true weakness in the people protecting themselves from her.”
He reread the final sentence.
“What do we do?”
“Adjust without surrendering.”
The phrase became a quiet rule.
They let Hannah attend a friend’s birthday party without staying in the parking lot. Andrew stopped walking beside her at every camp pickup. Jenna allowed a sleepover after speaking with the parents once, not three times. When Hannah asked how long an outing would be, they answered without treating the question like a symptom.
Some days went badly. At a crowded fall festival, Hannah lost sight of Jenna for less than a minute and began screaming her name. Jenna found her beside a hay bale, shaking.
“I was right there,” Jenna said, kneeling.
“You left.”
“I moved to the cider table. I told you, but you didn’t hear me.”
“You left.”
Jenna almost argued.
Instead she said, “It felt like I left.”
Hannah pressed her face into Jenna’s coat.
They went home early. Andrew did not call the outing a setback. Dr. Patel did not call it one either.
“It is information,” she said.
By Thanksgiving, Brenda had made no apology.
Sabrina invited Dennis to dinner at her house but told him Brenda would be present. Dennis declined. Carter called Andrew from Sabrina’s phone and asked why he never came around anymore.
Andrew took the call in the laundry room.
“I miss you,” Carter said.
“I miss you too.”
“Mom says Hannah hates us.”
“She doesn’t.”
“Do you?”
“No.”
“Then why can’t we have Thanksgiving?”
Andrew leaned against the dryer.
“The adults have not figured out how to be together safely.”
“That sounds stupid.”
“It does.”
“Grandma cries all the time.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Can you make her stop?”
Andrew closed his eyes.
“No.”
Carter was quiet.
“Can I talk to Hannah?”
Andrew looked through the doorway. Hannah sat at the kitchen table drawing.
“I need to ask her.”
Hannah agreed.
The children talked for eleven minutes. They discussed a video game, school lunch, and whether Brooklyn had really swallowed a bead. Neither mentioned the parade.
Afterward, Sabrina sent one message.
Don’t contact him behind my back again.
Andrew replied: He called me.
She did not answer.
Thanksgiving dinner at Jenna and Andrew’s house included Dennis, Teresa Bell from the parade, and Teresa’s sister, who had recently moved to town and knew nobody. The invitation to Teresa had begun as gratitude and become genuine friendship. She brought sweet potatoes with too much bourbon and apologized every time someone took a serving.
Dennis sat stiffly at first. Hannah chose the chair beside him.
Halfway through dinner, she asked, “Do you think Grandma will ever say sorry?”
The table quieted.
Dennis set down his fork.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you want her to?”
“Yes.”
“Do you tell her?”
“I have.”
“What does she say?”
“That she already has.”
Hannah frowned. “She didn’t.”
“No.”
Teresa’s sister became very interested in her napkin.
Hannah took another bite of turkey. “Maybe she said it in her head.”
Dennis almost smiled. “Maybe.”
After dinner, Andrew burned the first batch of coffee. Teresa drank it anyway. Hannah fell asleep on the couch during a movie, her feet tucked beneath Dennis’s leg. He did not move for nearly an hour.
The winter holidays brought new pressure.
Brenda mailed gifts for Hannah to Sabrina’s house, then had Carter call and describe them. There was a large dollhouse, a tablet, and a blue bicycle. Hannah listened, said they sounded nice, and asked Carter whether the bike had gears.
After the call, she went upstairs.
Jenna found her sitting on the floor beside her bed.
“Do I get them if I see Grandma?”
“I don’t know.”
“Is that why she bought big things?”
“Maybe.”
May you like
“I want the bike.”
“That makes sense.”
