Chương 10
“What would you prefer?”
“I don’t know. Surprise me.”
Aaron considered.
“I behaved like an asshole.”
Daniel rubbed his mouth to hide a smile.
“Better.”
“I was afraid if Rebecca knew I was coming, she’d keep me away somehow.”
“So you made Lily keep a secret.”
“Yes.”
“You made a seven-year-old hold the thing you were too afraid to say.”
Aaron looked down.
“Yes.”
Daniel’s anger returned, cleaner than before.
“You owe her more than an apology.”
“I know.”
Aaron raised a hand.
“Sorry.”
He tried again.
“I’m changing the custody routine for a while. Maya is taking Lily for two extra weeks this summer. I’m doing meetings twice a week again. Counseling. I’m also giving Mom access to my schedule so Lily has somebody else local who knows what’s going on.”
Daniel studied him.
“Why?”
“Because I scared myself.”
“With the envelope?”
“With how reasonable it felt.”
Daniel said nothing.
Aaron tore open a sugar packet, then did not use it.
“I told myself I was protecting you. I told myself Lily was just carrying paper twenty yards. I told myself I would be right behind her.”
He folded the empty packet into a narrow rectangle.
“Every bad thing I ever did with gambling started with a story about how the next choice wasn’t really the choice.”
Daniel watched his brother’s hands.
“When did you start again?”
Aaron looked up sharply.
“I didn’t.”
“You said meetings twice a week again.”
“I stopped going every week. I was down to once a month.”
“Why?”
“I thought I was fine.”
Daniel stared.
Aaron smiled bitterly.
“Yeah. I hear it.”
“Are you gambling?”
“No.”
“Can I believe you?”
Aaron’s face tightened.
“I don’t know.”
The answer surprised Daniel.
Aaron pushed his phone across the table.
“My accounts are open to my counselor and Maya. Mom has access to the one I use for Lily’s expenses. I’m not asking you to trust my word.”
Daniel did not touch the phone.
“Good.”
Aaron pulled it back.
Food arrived.
They ate in silence for several minutes.
Halfway through his burger, Daniel said, “Did you ever love Rebecca?”
Aaron stopped chewing.
“Yes.”
“Do you still?”
“No.”
Too fast.
Daniel raised an eyebrow.
Aaron sighed.
“I don’t want her back.”
“That wasn’t what I asked.”
Aaron put down the burger.
“There’s probably a piece of me that will always care what happens to her.”
Daniel looked at his plate.
“She told me about the cabinet.”
Aaron’s shoulders dropped.
“I figured.”
“Did you minimize it all these years?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because saying I never hit her sounded better than saying I scared her enough that she packed while I was at work.”
Daniel nodded.
Aaron stared toward the diner window.
“I was furious with her for leaving.”
“Were you?”
“For years.”
“That’s rich.”
“Very.”
Daniel took a drink.
“I was furious with you too.”
“I know.”
“Don’t.”
Aaron smiled despite himself.
“Sorry.”
Daniel looked at him.
“I thought you destroyed Mom after Dad died.”
“I did damage.”
“You borrowed twenty thousand from her.”
“Twenty-two.”
“You never paid it all back.”
“Three thousand left.”
Daniel blinked.
“What?”
“I’ve been paying her every month.”
“Since when?”
“Four years.”
Daniel stared at him.
Aaron shrugged.
“She didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
“Maybe because it wasn’t your business.”
The sentence irritated Daniel because it was true.
Aaron continued.
“You froze me in your head at thirty.”
“You gave me good material.”
“Yeah.”
Daniel looked around the diner.
A child in a booth behind Aaron was arranging French fries by length.
An elderly couple were sharing pie.
“You froze me too,” Daniel said.
Aaron smiled slightly.
“Still kind of do.”
“As what?”
“The responsible one.”
“I am the responsible one.”
“You almost married my wife.”
Daniel stared at him.
Aaron immediately lifted both hands.
“That came out wrong.”
Daniel laughed.
He hated himself for it.
Then Aaron laughed too.
For half a minute they sat in a cheap diner laughing about the worst week of Daniel’s adult life.
When it stopped, Daniel wiped his eyes.
“You’re still an asshole.”
“Completely.”
The brothers paid separately.
Outside, Aaron leaned against his car.
“There’s something else.”
Daniel’s brief ease vanished.
“What?”
“Rebecca asked me to sign a statement.”
“When?”
“Yesterday.”
“What statement?”
“That we had mutually understood ourselves to be divorced for years.”
Daniel’s jaw tightened.
“Is that true?”
“Emotionally? Sure. Legally? I don’t know what that phrase means.”
“Did you sign?”
“No.”
“Why did she want it?”
“For her lawyer.”
Daniel looked toward traffic.
“Send it to Erin.”
“Your lawyer?”
“My friend.”
Aaron nodded.
“You think she’s trying to protect herself?”
“Of course she is.”
“So am I.”
Daniel looked at him.
Aaron shrugged.
“So are you.”
That was harder to dismiss.
The next week, Daniel moved Rebecca’s belongings from his apartment.
He did it carefully.
That irritated him too.
Her clothes went into garment bags. Toiletries into boxes. Books stacked flat. The green mug wrapped in newspaper.
He considered keeping the honey.
He did not.
Rebecca’s sister collected everything.
She did not come upstairs.
Daniel appreciated that.
On Thursday, Hannah called.
“I quit.”
Daniel stood in the office stairwell between meetings.
“What?”
“My job.”
“Why are you telling me?”
“I don’t know.”
He almost said that was becoming the phrase of the month.
Instead he waited.
Hannah continued.
“Rebecca and I had an argument.”
“About me?”
“About me.”
Daniel leaned against the wall.
“She said I betrayed her at the chapel.”
“You told the truth.”
“I also helped her hide it first.”
“Yes.”
Hannah was silent.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it isn’t. I keep wanting someone to tell me which version of me is the real one.”
Daniel looked through the stairwell window at the roof of the building next door.
“Both.”
Hannah gave a small laugh.
“That’s what Lily said.”
He smiled.
“She’s smarter than us.”
“Not a difficult contest.”
Hannah inhaled.
“There’s something I think you should know.”
Daniel closed his eyes.
May you like
“Of course there is.”
“Rebecca had an appointment with Reverend Lane three days before the wedding.”
