Chương 9
“Can you give me thirty seconds?”
“No, I think—”
“Thirty seconds.”
The clip ended.
The next began after the first braid had already been cut.
Rachel stared at the gap between recordings.
What happened there?
She hated the question.
Questions had become hooks lodged in her mind.
She called Mark the next morning and gave him Eli’s name.
“Do not contact him directly yet,” Mark said.
“Why?”
“Because if this becomes a dispute, I’d rather not have everyone shaping their memories around conversations with you.”
“I just want to ask what happened.”
“I know.”
“Stop saying that like it makes me less frustrated.”
“Noted.”
Eli contacted her first.
Two days later, an email arrived.
Ms. Harper,
I’m sorry to reach out unexpectedly. Vanessa told me you received the files. I should have stopped recording and I should have called you myself. I didn’t. I’m ashamed of that.
I have one additional clip that was automatically stored locally on my secondary camera and was not in Vanessa’s cloud folder. I believe you should have it.
Rachel forwarded the email to Mark.
Mark called.
“This is exactly why I told you not to contact him.”
“I didn’t.”
“I know. I’m celebrating being right.”
“Send him a trophy.”
“Do not reply until I review.”
The additional clip was twenty-two seconds.
Rachel watched it with Mark on a video call.
Lily sat on the stool, one braid already cut.
Her face was wet.
Vanessa knelt in front of her.
“Lily, I need you to listen to me.”
“I want Mommy.”
“I know.”
“Call Mommy.”
“I will. I just need to fix the other side because it looks crazy like this.”
“No.”
“If I leave one braid, you’re going to hate it.”
“No scissors.”
Vanessa looked toward Eli.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Call Rachel.”
“And tell her I cut half her kid’s hair?”
“Yes.”
Vanessa stood.
For three seconds she looked terrified.
Then she picked up the scissors.
The clip ended.
Rachel did not speak.
Mark did.
“That’s important.”
Rachel shut the laptop.
“I don’t care.”
“You do.”
“I care that my daughter asked for me and my sister chose not to call because she was afraid of what I’d say.”
“That’s what the clip shows.”
“I don’t care what it proves in your language.”
Mark was quiet.
Rachel stood and paced the kitchen.
“She knew. Before the scratch. Before the second side. She knew.”
“Yes.”
“She had a chance to stop.”
“Yes.”
“And she didn’t.”
Mark let the silence remain.
Rachel appreciated him for not filling it.
That evening, she put Lily to bed.
Lily had begun allowing Rachel to comb the short section.
No scissors.
Not yet.
Rachel sat on the edge of the mattress.
“Can I ask you something about Aunt Vanessa’s house?”
Lily’s body stiffened.
Rachel stopped.
“You don’t have to answer.”
“What?”
“Did anyone else tell Aunt Vanessa to call me?”
Lily stared at the blanket.
“Camera Eli.”
“Camera Eli?”
“That’s what Aunt Vanessa calls him.”
“What did he say?”
Lily thought.
“He said, ‘Maybe we should call her mom.’”
“And then?”
“Aunt Vanessa said she had to fix it.”
Rachel nodded.
“Okay.”
“Is Camera Eli in trouble?”
“I don’t know.”
“He gave me crackers.”
“That was nice.”
“He still filmed.”
“Yes.”
Lily frowned.
“Can people do nice and bad at the same time?”
Rachel felt the question settle in the room.
“Yes.”
“Did Aunt Vanessa do nice and bad?”
“Yes.”
“Do you?”
Rachel almost laughed.
“Unfortunately.”
“What bad?”
“Well, yesterday I told Mrs. Carter you ate breakfast before school.”
Lily’s eyes widened.
“I only ate one strawberry.”
“I know.”
“You lied.”
“I exaggerated.”
“That’s lying with extra steps.”
Rachel stared at her.
“Who taught you that?”
“Maya’s brother.”
“Of course.”
Lily smiled.
Then her expression changed.
“Did Aunt Vanessa lie with extra steps?”
Rachel looked down at her hands.
“Yes.”
A week later, Vanessa asked to meet.
Not Lily.
Rachel.
They chose their mother’s house because neither sister wanted the symbolic advantage of home ground.
Vanessa arrived without makeup.
Rachel noticed and immediately distrusted herself for noticing. Vanessa’s face should not have needed visible damage to prove remorse.
They sat at the dining table where they had eaten Thanksgiving dinners since adolescence.
Their mother stayed upstairs.
For a while neither spoke.
Vanessa twisted a paper napkin.
Rachel thought of the receipt she had folded the first night.
Finally Vanessa said, “I watched the secondary clip.”
“So did I.”
“I forgot he was recording that camera.”
Rachel’s eyes sharpened.
Vanessa winced.
“That came out wrong.”
“Yes.”
“I mean I forgot the clip existed. I didn’t forget what happened.”
“Good distinction.”
“I deserve that.”
Rachel leaned back.
“Why are we here?”
Vanessa looked at the table.
“My therapist asked me what I want from you.”
Rachel almost groaned.
“Please don’t make this a therapy assignment.”
“I told her I want you to forgive me.”
“At least that’s honest.”
“She asked why.”
Rachel waited.
“I said because I miss Lily.”
Rachel’s face hardened.
“And then she asked why your forgiveness matters if the goal is only access to Lily.”
Rachel said nothing.
Vanessa continued. “I hated the question.”
“I like her.”
“Of course you do.”
A faint ghost of their old rhythm passed between them.
Then Vanessa’s mouth tightened.
“I figured out I’ve been treating forgiveness like a transaction. If I apologize correctly, you give me the family back.”
Rachel crossed her arms.
“Have you?”
“No.”
“What do you think now?”
“I think you might never trust me alone with her again.”
Rachel looked toward the staircase.
“Yes.”
Vanessa closed her eyes.
The answer hurt her.
Rachel let it.
Then she hated herself a little for that too.
Vanessa opened her eyes.
“I also think you might be right.”
Rachel was not prepared for the sentence.
Vanessa rubbed her palms together.
“I don’t trust the version of me who did that.”
“Good.”
“I need you to stop saying good when I tell you something painful.”
May you like
Rachel’s mouth tightened.
“That’s fair.”
