Chương 12
“How much did she leave?”
I looked at Patrick for a long moment before answering.
“Enough that the amount is not the first thing we should be talking about.”
His face tightened.
“That means it’s a lot.”
Denise laughed bitterly.
“Of course that’s what you hear.”
Patrick turned on her.
“I asked a question.”
“You always do.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you ask the practical question after setting fire to the emotional one.”
Laura whispered, “Can we not.”
Nobody listened.
Patrick looked back at me.
“Mabel.”
I folded my hands over the folder.
“There is money.”
“How much?”
“I’m not giving you a number tonight.”
He stared.
Daniel shifted beside me.
“She doesn’t have to.”
Patrick’s voice sharpened.
“I didn’t ask whether she had to.”
“No,” Daniel said.
“You just keep acting like asking is the same as being entitled to an answer.”
Patrick’s face went red.
“I am her son.”
“So am I.”
“That is exactly my point.”
Daniel stood straighter.
“No, your point is that blood should put you first.”
Patrick looked at him.
“What would you call it?”
“I’d call it complicated.”
Laura wiped her face.
“Everything is complicated now.”
Denise looked at me.
“Did Mom leave it to you?”
The room quieted.
I hated that question because it made everything else suddenly secondary.
“Yes.”
Laura closed her eyes.
Patrick sat down.
Denise did not move.
I continued before anyone could speak.
“The accounts I saw name me as beneficiary.”
Patrick rubbed both hands over his mouth.
“All of it?”
“Yes.”
Laura stared at the table.
Denise’s expression became unreadable.
Daniel looked at me, then at his siblings.
Nobody shouted.
That surprised me.
The silence was worse.
Patrick finally said, “That doesn’t make sense.”
I pulled Fiona’s letter from the folder.
“It made sense to her.”
He looked at the page but did not reach for it.
Denise asked, “Did she explain why?”
“Yes.”
My voice caught.
I cleared my throat.
“She said equal would be easy to understand, but it wouldn’t be honest.”
Patrick flinched.
Laura’s eyes filled again.
Denise looked toward the dark window.
Daniel said quietly, “She wrote about all of us.”
Patrick looked at him.
“What did she say about me?”
Daniel did not answer.
I did.
“She said you had already received more than the others ever knew.”
Patrick gave a short nod.
“That’s fair.”
“She said she forgave the debt.”
His eyes lifted.
“What?”
I slid the copy toward him.
Patrick snatched it up.
He read the handwritten line once.
Then again.
His shoulders dropped.
For the first time that evening, he looked less defensive than stunned.
“She forgave it?”
“That’s what she wrote.”
Patrick sat there with the paper trembling in his hand.
“I still owed her.”
“Yes.”
“I still owe her.”
Denise said, “She’s dead.”
Patrick looked at her sharply.
“I know that.”
“Then who exactly are you paying?”
He swallowed.
“I don’t know.”
That answer changed something in Denise’s face.
She sat down.
Patrick stared at Fiona’s handwriting.
“I thought she hated me.”
Laura whispered, “Mom didn’t hate anybody.”
Patrick laughed once.
“You didn’t know her as well as you think.”
Laura recoiled.
He immediately looked ashamed.
“Sorry.”
She wiped under one eye.
“No, you’re probably right.”
Nobody knew what to do with that.
A heating vent clicked somewhere near the floor.
One of Patrick’s grocery-store cookies had a crack through the icing.
I stared at it because looking at their faces felt intrusive.
Denise said, “What did she say about me?”
I hesitated.
“Tell me.”
“She said you lost years to a man she should have helped you leave sooner.”
Denise’s mouth tightened.
“That sounds like guilt.”
“It was.”
“She was always good at guilt.”
Patrick said, “Denise.”
“No.”
She looked at him.
“You do not get to protect her from that either.”
Patrick lowered his eyes.
Laura asked, “And me?”
I hated this part.
Fiona had written each sentence like a blade wrapped in cloth.
“She said you kept your distance because you couldn’t bear watching her become dependent.”
Laura’s face crumpled.
I kept going because stopping would make it worse.
“And she said she was cruel to you about it.”
Laura covered her mouth.
Daniel stared at his sister.
“I didn’t know.”
Laura laughed through tears.
“Of course you didn’t.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing.”
“That’s not nothing.”
She looked at him.
“I would come over and leave after an hour because I couldn’t stand seeing her like that.”
Her voice shook.
“She would ask why I was always rushing.”
Denise reached toward her, then stopped.
Laura continued.
“One day she said, ‘Some children can only love you when you’re useful.’”
Daniel closed his eyes.
“Jesus.”
Laura nodded.
“I didn’t come back for almost three months.”
I remembered that stretch.
Fiona had pretended not to notice.
She had called Laura unreliable twice within my hearing.
I had agreed once.
The memory made heat rise into my face.
“I thought you were busy with the kids.”
“I was.”
Laura looked at me.
“But that wasn’t why.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“I judged you.”
She gave a tired shrug.
“You had reason.”
“No.”
“I left you there with her.”
“That doesn’t mean I knew why.”
“You still had to do it.”
The truth of that sat between us without resolving anything.
Patrick looked at Daniel.
“What did she say about you?”
Daniel answered himself.
“That I gave her a home.”
His voice was flat.
Patrick frowned.
“That’s it?”
“No.”
Daniel glanced at me.
“She said Mabel gave her the daily parts nobody counts.”
The room went quiet again.
My face burned.
I hated being praised in front of people who had their own wounds.
Denise looked at me.
“For twelve years.”
I nodded.
“I know.”
“No.”
Her voice softened.
“I mean I know it was twelve years, but I don’t think I ever really counted it.”
I looked down.
She swallowed.
May you like
“I used to tell people how lucky Mom was that you had patience.”
“I remember.”
