Chương 4
Lena moved closer.
"No."
The word surprised both of us.
I walked toward the door.
My hand rested on the handle for a few seconds.
Behind that door was the man who had promised to love me forever.
The man who had held my hand during our wedding ceremony.
The man who had cried when we heard our baby's heartbeat for the first time.
The man who had also spent months making me question my own instincts.
I opened the door.
Roman stood in the hallway wearing yesterday's suit.
The first thing I noticed was that he looked tired.
Not guilty.
Not broken.
Tired.
Like someone whose plans had become inconvenient.
His eyes moved over me.
Then over the apartment.
Then back to me.
"You blocked me."
It was not a greeting.
I held the door open but did not invite him inside.
"Yes."
His jaw tightened.
"Why?"
I almost smiled.
Because somehow even now, he wanted the explanation to begin with me.
"You know why."
"I want to hear you say it."
The old version of me would have taken that as an opportunity.
I would have explained carefully.
I would have chosen softer words.
I would have worried about whether he felt attacked.
Instead, I said, "I saw you with Claire."
His expression barely changed.
That was Roman's talent.
He could receive terrible news and still look like he was negotiating a business contract.
"That picture doesn't show the whole situation."
"Then show me the rest."
He looked away for a moment.
Just long enough for me to notice.
"I was meeting with her."
"Meeting with her?"
"Yes."
"With your arms around her?"
"She was upset."
The answer was so familiar that I almost missed how insulting it was.
Claire was always upset.
Claire needed help.
Claire needed support.
Claire needed something.
Everyone needed something from Roman.
Except me.
I had always been expected to need nothing.
"Come home," he said.
I looked at him.
"You still think that's the conversation we're having?"
"You're my wife."
The words landed strangely.
Not lovingly.
Like a claim.
"I am."
"And I'm your husband."
"That doesn't mean I stop being a person."
Something moved across his face.
A flash of frustration.
Then it disappeared.
"You are making a permanent decision during a temporary emotional moment."
I stared at him.
There it was.
The sentence he had probably practiced.
The reasonable husband.
The unstable pregnant wife.
The powerful man trying to restore order.
But I was too tired to play that role anymore.
"This isn't about one night."
His eyes narrowed.
"Then what is it about?"
I looked past him at the hallway.
A family lived across from Lena.
A little boy had left a toy truck outside their door.
Someone upstairs was playing Christmas music.
Normal things.
Small things.
Things I had forgotten mattered.
"It's about every time I felt alone and convinced myself I wasn't."
Roman was quiet.
I continued.
"It's about every appointment you missed."
"Work was complicated."
"It's about every time I asked a question and somehow ended up apologizing."
"That's not fair."
"Maybe not."
I nodded.
"Maybe I wasn't fair either."
That caught him off guard.
He expected anger.
He did not know what to do with honesty.
"I should have paid attention sooner," I said.
For the first time, his expression softened.
"Exactly."
The word came too quickly.
And I felt something inside me close.
Not because he was cruel.
Because he almost understood.
Then he used my mistake to avoid his.
"I should have listened to myself," I said.
His face changed.
"What does that mean?"
"It means I knew something was wrong."
The hallway suddenly felt too small.
"And I kept choosing not to know."
Roman stepped closer.
Not enough to threaten me.
Enough to remind me that he was used to occupying space.
"Savannah, you're pregnant."
I looked directly at him.
"Yes."
"You need stability."
"I agree."
"Then come home."
I shook my head.
"No."
The silence afterward felt different from the night before.
Before, saying no had felt impossible.
Now it felt unfamiliar.
But possible.
Roman looked toward Lena.
"Are you really going to let this happen?"
Lena stepped forward.
Her voice was calm.
"Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"Turn her choice into my responsibility."
His eyes hardened.
"This is between my wife and me."
Lena folded her arms.
"No."
Her answer was immediate.
"It stopped being only between you two when she became afraid to tell anyone what was happening."
Roman looked at me.
"I never hurt you."
The sentence was quiet.
Almost wounded.
And that was when I realized something.
Roman did not measure harm the way I did.
To him, harm meant something obvious.
A bruise.
A broken object.
A police report.
He did not understand the damage caused by making someone doubt their own mind.
I touched my stomach.
"My daughter kicked every time you raised your voice."
His face changed.
Only slightly.
But enough.
"I don't raise my voice."
"No."
I looked at him.
"You don't have to."
For several seconds, nobody spoke.
Then Roman reached into his coat pocket.
He pulled out my wedding ring.
I froze.
"I found it under the tree."
My eyes dropped to the small box in his hand.
"I thought you would want this."
I almost laughed.
Because some part of me had expected him to be angry.
To threaten.
To accuse.
I had not expected him to bring back the symbol of everything I was questioning.
"I don't."
The answer came quietly.
His fingers tightened around the box.
"You don't mean that."
"I do."
He looked genuinely confused.
Not hurt.
Confused.
Like I had rejected a rule he believed everyone followed.
"People don't throw away years together because of one mistake."
I looked at him.
"You're right."
His shoulders relaxed slightly.
Then I finished.
"They don't."
The relief disappeared.
"That's why I didn't."
A long silence followed.
May you like
"I am leaving because of all the things that happened before tonight."
Roman looked down.
