Chương 4
“The investment happened later.”
“When?”
“December.”
“Two months later.”
“Yes.”
“And nothing happened between you.”
“No.”
I studied him.
“Did you want something to?”
His face tightened.
“That’s not a fair question.”
“Fair seems to be having a hard night.”
He glanced toward Noah.
“Keep your voice down.”
I nearly laughed again.
There was something almost impressive about Daniel trying to manage the tone of his own exposure.
“Did you want something to happen with her?”
He stood silent long enough that the answer became obvious.
Then he said, “I don’t know.”
I nodded.
That hurt more than no would have.
A lie would have given me something clean to reject.
I don’t know had room inside it.
Room for fantasizing, hesitation, self-deception, all the small private betrayals that occur before anyone takes off their clothes.
“Did Mia want it?”
“She was upset.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
“She had been drinking.”
“Still not what I asked.”
He closed his eyes.
“She kissed me first.”
There it was.
The oldest piece of cowardice in the language.
I shifted Noah carefully higher on my chest.
“Did you stop her?”
“Not immediately.”
“How long is immediately?”
“Claire.”
“Three seconds?”
“I don’t know.”
“Thirty?”
“I don’t know.”
“A minute?”
“No.”
“Did you kiss her back?”
He said nothing.
I looked down at Noah.
The top of his head smelled like fever and hospital soap.
When Daniel finally spoke, his voice was rough.
“Yes.”
I had believed that answer already.
Hearing it still landed.
Something inside my chest tightened, then went strangely quiet.
“How did it end?”
“I left.”
“Because you felt guilty?”
“Because it was wrong.”
“That isn’t the same thing.”
He looked at me sharply.
“I knew it was wrong.”
“Before or after?”
“Before.”
“Then why did you do it?”
He opened his hands.
“I don’t have some answer that’s going to make sense.”
“That might be the first accurate thing you’ve said.”
He flinched.
I hated the tiny satisfaction that gave me.
There was an ugly part of me that wanted him hurt.
Not enlightened.
Not accountable.
Hurt.
It frightened me less than it should have.
The door opened again.
Mia stood there without Leo.
“He’s watching cartoons with a volunteer.”
Daniel turned toward her.
“You shouldn’t be in here.”
“I need to talk to Claire.”
“No.”
Mia looked past him.
“I’m not asking you.”
The room became still.
I should have told her to leave.
Instead, I said, “Talk.”
Daniel stepped between us without quite meaning to.
“Mia.”
“Move.”
He stared at her.
She stared back.
Something passed between them that I could not read, and for once I was not willing to pretend that bothered me less than it did.
Daniel moved aside.
Mia came in and closed the door.
Her face looked different without the panic she had worn in the waiting room.
Older.
Tired.
Ashamed, maybe.
She shoved her hands into the pockets of her sweater.
“I didn’t know he used the house.”
I looked at Daniel.
“What did you tell her?”
“Claire, don’t.”
Mia answered.
“He told me the money came from a personal investment account.”
I laughed once.
Daniel’s head snapped toward her.
“You knew it was our money.”
“I knew you were married.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“I knew you were married, Daniel, which means I assumed large financial decisions involved your wife.”
“You never asked.”
“I shouldn’t have had to.”
They sounded like people arguing over a mistake they had each privately agreed to misunderstand.
I looked at Mia.
“Did you know about the cabin before my sister’s wedding?”
Her eyebrows drew together.
“What wedding?”
Daniel said her name like a warning.
Mia ignored him.
“I thought you were taking Noah to visit your mother.”
My stomach dropped.
“My mother lives in Ohio.”
Mia’s face emptied.
She turned to Daniel.
“You told me Claire was taking Noah to Ohio.”
“I was going to explain.”
“To who?”
No one answered.
Mia’s mouth opened, then closed.
For the first time that night, she looked at Daniel the way I had been looking at him.
Not as someone caught doing one bad thing.
As someone whose entire version of events might need to be reexamined.
“What else did you lie about?” she asked.
Daniel’s voice hardened.
“This is not the time.”
Mia gave a small, humorless laugh.
“Oh, now you have a time problem.”
“Leo is sick.”
“Leo has anxiety.”
“He was vomiting.”
“And Noah has a fever over one hundred three.”
Daniel glanced at me.
Mia saw it.
Her face changed.
“You knew?”
He said nothing.
She took a step back.
“You knew Noah was sick before you came to my house?”
“I knew Claire was taking him in.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
The resemblance between us in that moment was so sharp I almost hated her for it.
Daniel looked cornered.
“I knew she was worried.”
Mia’s eyes filled, but her voice did not soften.
“And you still came?”
“Leo was scared.”
“Leo is always scared when he throws up.”
“You called me.”
“Yes.”
“You said you needed help.”
“I said I was afraid he was having a reaction.”
“You asked me to come.”
“I ask you for too much.”
The admission landed harder than an accusation.
Mia looked at me.
“I do.”
I said nothing.
“I got used to it.”
Daniel shifted.
“Mia, stop.”
“No.”
She shook her head.
“I got used to calling, and he always came, and after a while I stopped asking myself what he was leaving.”
The words were not an apology.
That made them easier to believe.
She wiped under one eye with the heel of her hand.
“The kiss happened.”
Daniel stiffened.
Mia kept looking at me.
“But it didn’t happen the way he’s telling you.”
My skin went cold.
Daniel stepped forward.
“Enough.”
Mia’s gaze did not leave mine.
“He kissed me first.”
Daniel went completely still.
May you like
Mia gave a bitter little laugh when she saw his face.
“That look right there is why I should have told her months ago.”
