Chương 8
She almost ignored it.
Then she answered.
"Hello."
There was silence.
Then his voice.
"I heard you met with an attorney."
Lily looked at the kitchen window.
The curtains moved slightly from the air vent.
"How did you know?"
"You told someone."
"No, I didn't."
Another pause.
A small one.
But enough.
"Marcus."
"What?"
"How did you know?"
He sighed.
"I have friends too, Lily."
The answer bothered her.
Not because it was impossible.
Because it was meant to remind her that he still had access to her world.
"I am allowed to get advice."
"I never said you weren't."
"You sound like you think I did something wrong."
"I think you are moving very quickly."
Lily closed her eyes.
There it was again.
The assumption that her choices needed approval.
"I have been thinking about this for years."
Marcus was quiet.
For the first time, she wondered if he understood that.
Maybe that was the part he could not accept.
He thought this started at the restaurant.
It did not.
The restaurant was simply the first time someone else saw what Lily had been seeing.
"Can we meet?" he asked.
"I don't know."
"Please."
The word sounded different.
Not because it was softer.
Because it sounded less certain.
Lily agreed to meet him at a coffee shop the following afternoon.
She chose a public place.
She chose a table near the entrance.
She told Sofia where she was going.
Small decisions.
New habits.
When Marcus arrived, he looked tired.
He sat across from her.
For several seconds, neither of them spoke.
A barista called out an order behind him.
Someone laughed near the window.
A man at the next table typed on a laptop.
The world continued.
"I miss you," Marcus said.
Lily looked at her coffee.
"I know."
"I miss us."
She looked up.
"Do you miss us?"
He frowned.
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know."
She searched for the right words.
"Do you miss me?"
The question seemed to surprise him.
"Of course I do."
"Do you miss who I am?"
Marcus leaned back.
"Why are you asking me that?"
Because I don't know if you ever saw me.
The thought came quickly.
But she did not say it.
Instead, she asked, "Why did you grab me?"
Marcus looked down.
"I told you."
"I want you to tell me without explaining why I made you angry."
He was silent.
The silence lasted long enough that Lily thought he might finally answer.
Then he said, "I lost control."
It was honest.
Maybe.
But she waited.
Marcus looked frustrated.
"What else do you want me to say?"
Lily looked at him.
The answer was simple.
"I want you to understand that I was afraid of you."
Something changed in his face.
Not guilt.
Not anger.
Disbelief.
As if the idea had never occurred to him.
"Afraid?"
Lily nodded.
Marcus shook his head slowly.
"I never wanted you afraid."
She looked at him.
"I know."
"Then why are you saying that?"
"Because wanting something and creating something are not always the same."
He stared at her.
And for once, he had no immediate response.
And for once, he had no immediate response.
Lily had expected anger.
She had prepared herself for it.
She had expected him to tell her she was exaggerating, that she was rewriting history, that she was letting other people influence her.
Instead, Marcus looked down at his coffee.
The silence unsettled her more.
"I never wanted to be that person," he finally said.
Lily watched him.
"That doesn't mean I wasn't."
His eyes lifted.
For a moment, something almost like shame crossed his face.
Then it disappeared.
"I made a mistake."
Lily looked at him carefully.
"A mistake is forgetting an anniversary."
Marcus's jaw tightened.
"I know what I did."
"Do you?"
The question came out softer than she intended.
That seemed to bother him more than anger would have.
"What do you want from me?"
Lily looked around the coffee shop.
A woman at the counter was struggling to open a sugar packet.
A teenager near the window was laughing at something on his phone.
A man in a suit was taking a phone call with one hand while eating a sandwich with the other.
Ordinary people.
Ordinary problems.
She wondered how many people carried invisible things into places like this.
"I want you to stop asking me how to make you feel better about hurting me."
Marcus looked away.
The sentence stayed there.
Not dramatic.
Not loud.
Just true.
After the meeting, Lily walked outside alone.
Marcus did not follow.
That was a relief.
It was also strangely painful.
She had spent years trying to avoid his disappointment.
Now his distance felt unfamiliar.
She drove to Sofia's house and sat in the driveway before going inside.
She needed a few minutes where nobody needed anything from her.
That was something she was still learning.
The ability to exist without immediately responding.
When she finally entered the house, Sofia was folding laundry in the living room.
She looked up.
"How did it go?"
Lily placed her keys on the table.
"He listened."
Sofia waited.
"But?"
Lily sat down.
"But I don't think he understood."
Sofia nodded slowly.
"Those are different things."
Lily looked at the pile of folded towels.
"Do you ever wonder if you raised me to be too patient?"
The question caught Sofia off guard.
"What?"
"Sometimes I think about all the times you told me to give people another chance."
Sofia sat beside her.
"I have thought about that too."
Lily looked surprised.
"You have?"
"Of course."
Sofia folded a towel that did not need folding.
"I spent a lot of years teaching you to be kind."
She paused.
"I forgot to teach you that kindness without boundaries can become a way of disappearing."
Lily looked down.
Neither of them spoke for a while.
Their relationship had changed during those weeks.
May you like
Not because they loved each other more.
Because they were finally seeing each other more honestly.
