Chương 4
I said, “I’m hanging up now.”
“Good.”
Meredith gave me an email address for documents and scheduled a video call for the following afternoon, assuming I was awake enough to participate.
Before disconnecting, she added, “One more thing.”
“Yes?”
“If he returns to the house before you do, do you have anything there you need secured?”
I pictured our home.
Two-story colonial.
Gray siding Daniel had chosen because he called blue “too emotional.”
A nursery we had painted ourselves over three weekends.
My work laptop.
Tax records.
Passports.
The small fireproof safe in my office closet.
“Documents.”
“Can someone you trust retrieve copies without creating a confrontation?”
“My mother.”
My mother stopped laughing.
Meredith said, “Only if she can behave.”
“No,” my mother said immediately.
“I heard that,” Meredith replied.
“I have a friend.”
That friend was Priya.
I called her again.
“You need something,” she said.
“You say hello differently when you don’t need something.”
“I need you to go to my house.”
“Absolutely.”
“You haven’t heard why.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
I swallowed.
For reasons I could not explain, that nearly made me cry.
The anger had been easier.
Anger held everything together.
Kindness loosened it.
“I need some records from the safe.”
“Give me the list.”
I did.
Passport.
Premarital bank statements.
Software sale documents.
The old external drive with tax archives.
My personal laptop charger.
Then I hesitated.
“There’s also a folder in the bottom drawer of Daniel’s desk.”
“What folder?”
“Blue.”
“What’s in it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Then I’m not touching it.”
I smiled despite myself.
“I was testing you.”
“You are unbearable.”
“I know.”
“Anything else?”
I looked at the empty car seat.
“Yes.”
“What?”
“The car seat base.”
Priya was quiet.
“It’s installed in Daniel’s car.”
“Where is his car?”
“Airport parking, probably.”
We both sat with that stupidity for a moment.
Lily was going to be discharged in two or three days, and the only infant car seat base we owned was likely sitting in a long-term parking garage an hour away.
“I’ll buy another one,” Priya said.
“No.”
“Claire.”
“I can buy my own car seat.”
“Then order one.”
I opened my shopping app and stared at the screen.
There were too many choices.
Safety ratings.
Weight limits.
Rotating bases.
Convertible systems.
Colors named after minerals nobody actually thought about while buying car seats.
My brain stopped working.
“I hate all of them.”
Priya laughed.
“You had a baby this morning and discovered adultery before dinner, but car seats broke you.”
“There are seventeen versions of the same black plastic thing.”
“Send me the model you already have.”
“I don’t know the model.”
“Send me a picture.”
I did.
Ten minutes later, she texted that she had found a compatible base at a store near my house.
That small practical problem being solved made the larger disaster feel momentarily survivable.
Then an email appeared from an address I recognized.
Daniel’s chief financial officer.
The subject line contained only three words.
Call me please.
I stared at it without opening it.
My mother leaned closer.
“Work?”
“Yes.”
“His?”
“Yes.”
“Are you going to call?”
“No.”
The answer came too quickly.
I had spent my career telling people that panic was visible in speed.
I set the phone facedown.
“Why not?” my mother asked.
“Because I don’t know what he knows.”
“Maybe Daniel called him.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe the card lock was because they figured it out.”
“Maybe.”
My mother frowned.
“You’re doing that thing.”
“What thing?”
“Where you answer every question like a hostage negotiator.”
“I’m tired.”
“You’re scared.”
I looked at her.
She looked away first.
The princess balloon had rotated toward the wall so only the back of the crown showed.
“I’m allowed to be scared,” I said.
“I didn’t say you weren’t.”
“I don’t know what happens to his job.”
“That’s Daniel’s problem.”
“No.”
I shook my head.
“If he loses his income, that affects Lily.”
My mother opened her mouth and closed it.
That was the first time all day she had considered Daniel as something other than a man she wanted punished.
I hated that I still had to consider him as Lily’s father.
Hatred would have been simpler if we had not made a person together.
Marisol came in to check my blood pressure and frowned at the number.
“You need rest.”
“I am resting.”
“You are holding a laptop.”
“Resting professionally.”
She took it from me.
I actually protested.
She put it on the counter beyond my reach.
“Your pressure’s up.”
“My husband is in Hawaii with another woman.”
“I remember.”
“And possibly committing expense fraud.”
“I did not know that part.”
“New development.”
Marisol adjusted the cuff and waited.
“Breathe normally.”
I did not know what normally meant anymore.
Lily began making soft squeaking sounds in her sleep.
My mother stood and stretched.
“I’m going downstairs to get actual food.”
“Don’t call anyone.”
She held up both hands.
“I’m insulted.”
“You shouldn’t be.”
“Fair.”
After she left, the room became strangely peaceful.
The television was off.
Someone rolled a supply cart past the door.
A baby cried somewhere down the hall and stopped almost immediately.
I watched Lily sleep and tried not to calculate the next twenty years.
That was impossible.
College appeared in my mind.
Daycare.
Health insurance.
Birthday cakes.
Custody exchanges in parking lots.
Daniel teaching her to drive.
Daniel introducing Vanessa to her.
I shut my eyes.
That future did not exist yet.
All I had was tonight.
My phone vibrated on the tray where Marisol had left it.
The CFO had sent another email.
I did not touch it.
Then Vanessa texted me.
I had never saved her number, but I recognized the final four digits from the baby shower group chat.
Please stop whatever you’re doing.
I read the message twice.
Another appeared.
Daniel said you contacted the company.
I had not.
I typed that sentence, then deleted it.
May you like
Vanessa sent a third message.
They froze everything and want us to come back immediately.
