Chương 5
I did not wake Leo.
I sat at Nora’s kitchen table with Gideon’s voicemail open on my phone and listened to it three more times until the words lost their threat and became only a man’s voice trying to control which question I asked next.
Ask Leo what happened Thursday night.
Nora made coffee even though neither of us needed more caffeine.
She poured mine into a chipped mug that said WORLD’S OKAYEST AUNT and pushed it across the table.
“You’re not waking him up for that.”
“I know.”
“You looked like you might.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
She raised one eyebrow.
“I was thinking about it.”
“That’s different.”
“It isn’t.”
I wrapped both hands around the mug.
My mother used to do the same thing when she was anxious, warming her fingers even when the coffee was too hot to drink.
The thought arrived without warning and made me look toward the dark kitchen window.
For the first time since the hospital called me six days earlier, I missed her in a way that had nothing to do with funeral homes or paperwork.
I wanted to ask her whether I had been stupid.
She would have hated the question.
She had no patience for women rewriting trust as stupidity after somebody betrayed it.
“You believed the person you lived with,” she would have said.
Then she would have asked what I planned to do next.
Nora sat across from me.
“Maybe Thursday night is real.”
I looked at her.
“I know.”
“That doesn’t mean whatever happened justifies leaving him.”
“I know.”
“You keep saying that.”
“Because you keep answering the wrong question.”
Her mouth tightened.
“What’s the right one?”
“What did Gideon believe happened that made him cancel our tickets an hour later?”
Nora leaned back.
The refrigerator compressor clicked on behind her.
On top of it sat a plastic container of brownies with a sticky note that said BEN, DO NOT EAT ALL OF THESE AGAIN.
The normal stupidity of the note helped.
I drank some coffee.
“Leo asked about the dolphin cruise around nine.”
“You said that.”
“Then Gideon and I argued upstairs.”
“You called it an argument?”
“Not then.”
“What did he say?”
I searched the memory.
Not for meaning.
For sequence.
I had been reading in bed.
Gideon came out of the bathroom brushing his teeth and said the vacation budget was getting ridiculous.
I told him nobody had booked anything.
He said it was always something with Leo.
I lowered my book.
“What does that mean?”
He had spit toothpaste into the sink and answered from the bathroom.
“It means Roger and Camila can’t get one thing without you checking whether Leo has an equivalent.”
“That’s called having three children.”
“He’s not my child.”
The sentence had been so quiet that I had not reacted immediately.
Then Gideon came back into the bedroom and said, “You know what I mean.”
I did know what he meant.
At least, I had thought I did.
Biology.
Different obligations.
The complicated mathematics of a blended family.
I had hated it anyway.
I had told him, “You’ve been raising him since he was three.”
Gideon had pulled back the covers.
“That doesn’t make everything equal.”
I had stared at him.
He had stared at the mattress.
Finally I said, “It does in this house.”
I told Nora now.
She said nothing for several seconds.
Then, “Did Leo hear that?”
My stomach tightened.
“I don’t know.”
“Where was he?”
“In his room.”
“Door open?”
“I don’t remember.”
The question made the voicemail feel different.
Ask Leo what happened Thursday night.
Maybe Gideon was not referring to something Leo had done.
Maybe he was referring to something Leo had heard.
I looked toward the stairs.
“No.”
Nora shook her head.
“Whatever expression you’re making, stop.”
“I’m not waking him.”
“Good.”
“I’m going home.”
She stared at me.
“At four in the morning.”
“I need the reservation papers.”
“The police have been in your house.”
“They didn’t take everything.”
“And Gideon is driving north.”
“He’s in Tennessee with police.”
“For now.”
I stood.
Nora stood too.
“You’re not going alone.”
“Leo needs you here.”
“Mark is here.”
“I’m not bringing an audience into my house.”
“Jennifer.”
“I need ten minutes.”
“You don’t get to be reckless because Gideon was.”
That landed.
I grabbed my coat from the back of the chair anyway.
“I’m not being reckless.”
“You’re exhausted, furious, and grieving.”
“I’m also the only person who knows where anything in that house is.”
Nora looked ready to keep arguing.
Then footsteps sounded upstairs.
We both turned.
Leo stood halfway down the staircase in one of Ben’s oversized T-shirts.
His hair stuck up on one side.
“Mom?”
I went to him.
“Hey.”
“Why are you awake?”
“Could ask you the same thing.”
He rubbed his eye.
“I heard talking.”
Nora gave me a look and disappeared into the kitchen.
Leo came down the remaining steps.
“Are we going somewhere?”
“No.”
The lie came too quickly.
His face changed.
I corrected myself.
“I was thinking about going to the house for a little while.”
“Our house?”
“Yes.”
He looked toward the front door.
“Can I come?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s late.”
“I’m not tired.”
“You were asleep thirty seconds ago.”
“I’m not now.”
His lower lip stiffened.
“I don’t want you going there alone.”
That stopped me.
“Why?”
He looked past me toward Nora.
Then back.
“Because of Thursday.”
The air in the hallway seemed to tighten.
I crouched so we were eye level.
“What happened Thursday?”
Leo rubbed his thumb over the hem of Ben’s shirt.
“I didn’t do anything bad.”
“I didn’t say you did.”
“Gideon said you’d think I did.”
My heartbeat slowed into something heavy.
“Tell me what happened.”
Leo swallowed.
“He was in the garage.”
“When?”
“After dinner.”
“Okay.”
“I went to get my scooter.”
His eyes stayed on the floor.
“He was talking on the phone.”
“Who was he talking to?”
May you like
“I don’t know.”
“What did you hear?”
