Chương 5
My hand moved over my stomach.
“I lost the future I imagined.”
Nothing came from the other end.
“And when I got pregnant again, I was terrified.”
“I thought you were happy.”
“I was.”
“Then why did you pull away?”
I looked around Maya’s kitchen.
At the stack of mail.
The grocery list stuck to the refrigerator.
The ordinary things that existed before my life changed.
“Because I was afraid.”
“Of what?”
“That something good would disappear again.”
Rowan did not speak.
“I needed you to notice.”
“I thought you hated talking about it.”
“I hated feeling alone.”
That sentence stayed between us.
Then I heard another voice in the background.
A woman.
Elise.
Not close.
Not clear.
But there.
Rowan immediately lowered his voice.
“I have to go.”
The old pain returned.
Fast.
Automatic.
“Of course you do.”
“Nora.”
“No.”
I swallowed.
“Don’t explain.”
“I can explain.”
“Maybe that’s the problem.”
I ended the call.
My hands were shaking.
Not because I believed something had happened in that moment.
Because I realized how much damage had already been done.
Trust did not disappear during one terrible night.
It disappeared through hundreds of small moments where someone chose something else.
The next morning, I received a message from an unknown number.
At first, I ignored it.
Then another message appeared.
I opened it.
The sender was Elise.
I stared at the screen for almost a full minute before reading.
I know you probably hate me right now.
I almost deleted it.
Then another message appeared.
But there are things Rowan does not know.
I looked at Maya.
She immediately noticed my face.
“What?”
I turned the phone toward her.
She read the messages.
Then looked at me.
“Do not answer yet.”
“Why?”
“Because for once, someone else can wait.”
I looked back at the screen.
A third message appeared.
I should have told you the truth before he did what he did.
My heartbeat changed.
Not faster.
Heavier.
Because after everything Rowan had done, I had prepared myself to fight him.
I had not prepared myself for the possibility that the truth was larger than either of us knew.
I typed one word.
What truth?
Then I stopped.
My finger hovered over the screen.
Maya watched me.
“Are you sure?”
I looked at the message.
At the name of the woman who had been standing beside my husband while he destroyed my life.
Then I thought about the folder.
The lawyer.
The accusations.
The confidence Rowan had carried when he told me he already knew the answer.
Something had always bothered me about that.
He had not seemed like a man who suspected.
He had seemed like a man who had been convinced.
I pressed send.
And waited.
I waited for several minutes.
The little typing bubble appeared.
Then disappeared.
Then appeared again.
That was the strange thing about phones.
They made silence feel active.
Years ago, waiting for someone meant sitting in a room without knowing anything.
Now you could watch someone almost speak.
Almost answer.
Almost choose you.
Maya took the phone from my hand and placed it face down on the table.
“You’re staring at it.”
“I know.”
“You’re going to make yourself sick.”
“I just want to know.”
“I know.”
She sat beside me.
Neither of us moved.
The kitchen clock above the stove clicked with every second.
It was a cheap clock Maya bought after moving into her house because she said expensive clocks were pointless when they all did the same thing.
I used to make fun of her for that.
Now I found comfort in the sound.
Finally, my phone buzzed.
I picked it up.
Elise had replied.
I should have told you before.
That was all.
I stared at the words.
“That’s it?” Maya asked.
I nodded.
“Send her something else.”
“What?”
“Ask why.”
I hesitated.
Because part of me already knew the answer would hurt.
But I was tired of living in the space between questions and answers.
Why didn’t you tell me?
I typed.
The reply came faster this time.
Because I was afraid.
I looked at Maya.
“Afraid of what?”
I sent it.
A minute passed.
Then two.
Then the screen lit up.
Because I knew Rowan was not asking for the truth.
He was looking for permission to believe the worst version of you.
The words sat there.
Heavy.
I read them again.
Then again.
“What does that mean?”
Maya shook her head.
“I don’t know.”
“She knew.”
“Maybe.”
“She knew he was going to do this.”
I looked back at the message.
My anger started returning.
Not the sharp kind from the night before.
Something slower.
Something deeper.
I had spent months blaming myself for not seeing what was happening.
But maybe I had been looking at the wrong thing.
Maybe the problem was never that I failed to notice.
Maybe the problem was that other people had noticed and stayed quiet.
I typed.
Did you know he was going to ask for a paternity test?
The response did not come immediately.
When it did, my hands went cold.
Yes.
I closed my eyes.
Maya reached for my arm.
“Nora.”
“I knew it.”
“You don’t know everything yet.”
“No.”
I looked at the screen.
“But I know enough.”
The next message arrived.
I tried to stop him.
That made me laugh.
A short, bitter sound.
“Stop him?”
Maya looked at me.
“Elise says she tried to stop him.”
“Do you believe her?”
I did not answer.
Because the honest answer was complicated.
I did not trust her.
But I also knew something.
People rarely admitted guilt unless they were carrying something.
I wrote back.
Why?
This time the answer took longer.
Because the reason he thinks the baby isn’t his started with me.
The room felt smaller.
Maya sat straighter.
“What does that mean?”
I did not respond.
I couldn’t.
My fingers felt numb.
May you like
A few seconds later, Elise sent another message.
I told him something I should not have told him.
