Chương 5
“You called the sheriff.”
“Yes.”
“You couldn’t call me?”
“I did talk to you.”
“Not like this.”
“What would have changed?”
She folded her arms tightly.
“I would have gotten everyone out tomorrow morning.”
“I came home today.”
“You could stay with Mom tonight.”
“Why should I?”
Her eyes filled, which irritated me because tears had always been the point where our arguments became about my reaction instead of her behavior.
“Because they’re already here.”
“That isn’t an answer.”
“They’re Ryan’s family.”
“And I’m yours.”
Her face crumpled slightly.
“That’s not fair.”
I looked at her for a long moment.
“No, Jess.”
My voice came out quieter than I expected.
“It isn’t.”
She wiped beneath one eye with the heel of her hand.
“You always disappear.”
The accusation surprised me.
“What?”
“You leave for months.”
“I’m deployed.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“You knew my work took me away.”
“That’s not the same as knowing.”
A child shrieked with laughter inside, then was immediately shushed by an adult.
Jessica glanced toward the sound.
“When Dad had his surgery, you weren’t there.”
“I was overseas.”
“When Chloe broke her wrist, you weren’t there.”
“I was at Fort Irwin.”
“When Mom thought the biopsy might be cancer, you sent flowers.”
The old shame came up so fast I nearly tasted it.
“I called every day.”
“I know.”
She looked at the ground.
“I’m not saying you don’t care.”
“It sounds like you are.”
“I’m saying you show up with money because you can’t show up with yourself.”
That hurt because there was enough truth in it to survive my anger.
For several seconds, neither of us spoke.
A sprinkler clicked somewhere on a neighboring property beyond the trees.
I watched water leak slowly from the outdoor faucet and darken the soil beneath it.
“You still had no right to give away my house,” I said.
“I know.”
It was the first clean admission she had made.
Then she ruined it.
“But you didn’t have to bring police.”
I looked toward the driveway where Ryan stood arguing with Dan.
“Yes,” I said.
“I think I did.”
Jessica followed my gaze.
“He’s going to hate you for this.”
I almost asked whether she thought that was supposed to frighten me.
Instead, I said, “He already didn’t respect me.”
“That’s different.”
“Maybe for you.”
Her shoulders dropped.
For the first time that afternoon, she looked tired rather than defensive.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Pack.”
She flinched.
“And after that?”
I looked at my sister.
That was the harder question.
Because removing people from my house was simple.
Deciding what remained between us afterward was not.
“I don’t know yet.”
Jessica nodded once.
Then she went back inside.
I stayed beside the leaking faucet until I heard Ryan shout my name from the driveway.
Ryan stood near the front steps with both hands spread as though he had reached the point where reason itself had become offensive.
“What exactly did you tell them?”
I walked back toward the driveway.
“The truth.”
“That doesn’t answer me.”
“It answers you fine.”
His father, a heavyset man named Paul whom I had met twice before, was carrying a cooler toward an SUV.
He stopped when he heard us and looked at Ryan with a tired expression.
“Just load the truck,” Paul said.
Ryan ignored him.
“You made it sound like we broke in.”
“I told the sheriff you were here without my permission and had refused to let me stay in my own house.”
“You never told me to leave.”
“You told me to leave.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
Deputy Shaw looked briefly at Ortiz.
Ortiz said nothing.
Ryan seemed to hear himself only after the words were already in the air.
His jaw shifted.
“That came out wrong.”
“Yes.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I’m learning that I usually don’t.”
Jessica came through the front door carrying three tote bags and a plastic grocery sack.
She avoided looking at either of us.
Chloe followed with a backpack and a pillow tucked against her chest.
Behind them, Ryan’s mother, Linda, emerged with two casserole dishes covered in foil.
She looked at me with the brittle politeness of someone trying to preserve dignity while retreating.
“I hope you’re happy,” she said.
I had no useful response to that.
She waited anyway.
When I remained silent, she tightened her grip on the dishes.
“We were told this was available.”
“I understand.”
“We didn’t know.”
“I believe you.”
That seemed to frustrate her more than anger would have.
Her mouth opened, then closed.
Paul came back for another load.
“Linda.”
“I’m coming.”
He nodded once toward me.
“Sorry about the lawn.”
I looked at the tire tracks along the edge of the grass.
“Thank you.”
Ryan stared at his father.
“That’s it?”
Paul stopped.
“What?”
“You’re apologizing to her?”
“We’re standing on her property while the sheriff tells us to leave.”
“She’s Jessica’s sister.”
Paul looked at him for a long second.
“And?”
Ryan’s face hardened.
The small crowd that had earlier made him bolder was disappearing one vehicle at a time, and with each departure his confidence seemed to have nowhere to go except louder.
He turned back to me.
“You always do this.”
I almost laughed.
“I have never done this.”
“You know what I mean.”
“No, apparently I don’t.”
“You make everything about rules.”
Jessica flinched at that.
I caught it.
Ryan did not.
“You’re gone all year, then you show up and suddenly everybody has to rearrange their lives around you.”
“I asked for access to my own bedroom.”
“There are sixteen people here.”
“Nineteen.”
He blinked.
“What?”
“I counted.”
“That is so you.”
There was contempt in the way he said it.
Normally that would have bothered me.
This time, it mostly made me tired.
Paul opened the rear hatch of his SUV.
“Ryan, stop.”
“No.”
“Son.”
“I said no.”
The word snapped across the driveway.
May you like
Several children went quiet.
Ryan saw them looking and lowered his voice.
