Chương 9
Caleb wanted noodles.
Owen refused noodles because Caleb wanted them.
Noah wanted to know why the wedding cake had lemon in it when everybody knew vanilla was better.
Claire came downstairs halfway through dinner.
The boys stopped talking.
Evan saw it happen.
They looked at her, then at him.
Claire sat slowly.
“Hi.”
Owen pushed a plate toward her.
“We have noodles.”
“I see that.”
“You can have mine.”
“You haven’t eaten yours.”
“I changed my mind about noodles.”
Caleb protested that this was copying.
Within thirty seconds, they were arguing.
Claire laughed once and covered her mouth.
Evan looked down at his plate.
For the first time all day, he understood why ordinary noise could feel like mercy.
After dinner, Noah asked if Claire was still going to marry Evan.
Claire froze.
Evan put his fork down.
“No,” he said.
Caleb looked confused.
“Ever?”
Evan glanced at Claire.
She looked at him, not asking for rescue.
“We don’t know what happens later,” she said.
Evan’s jaw tightened but he let it stand.
Owen asked, “Are you divorced?”
“We weren’t married yet,” Evan said.
“Then what are you?”
None of the adults had an answer ready.
Claire looked at her hands.
“We’re still your parents.”
Owen frowned.
“That’s not what I asked.”
Evan nearly smiled.
“No. It isn’t.”
Noah stared at him.
“Are you mad because Uncle Mason is our biology dad?”
Evan felt Claire’s eyes on him.
“Yes.”
“Are you mad at us?”
“No.”
“Are you mad at Mom?”
“Yes.”
Claire inhaled but did not interrupt.
“Are you mad at Uncle Mason?”
“Yes.”
Noah considered the list.
“Are you mad at yourself?”
Evan looked at him.
“Why would I be?”
Noah shrugged.
“When I get really mad, you say some of it is usually at myself.”
Claire looked down.
Evan leaned back in his chair.
There were days he regretted teaching his sons emotional vocabulary.
“A little,” he said.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know what to do yet.”
Noah nodded as if that made sense.
Owen twirled a noodle around his fork.
“Can we have cake?”
They had cake.
Afterward, Evan put the boys to bed.
Claire stayed out of the room until he called her in.
That was not discussed.
It simply happened.
The triplets shared a large bedroom even though there were enough rooms in the house for each of them to have two. They had tried separating them at four. Caleb lasted forty minutes before dragging his blanket into Noah’s room. By midnight all three were asleep on the floor.
Now the wedding suits hung over a chair.
Owen was already under his blanket.
Caleb sat cross-legged against the headboard.
Noah held a stuffed black bear he had not slept with in nearly a year.
Claire stopped when she saw it.
“Bear’s back?”
Noah shrugged.
“For today.”
She nodded.
“For today makes sense.”
Evan sat on the edge of Owen’s bed.
Caleb looked between them.
“Who’s sleeping where?”
“Mom’s in the guest room,” Evan said.
“Are you in your room?”
“Yes.”
“Can we sleep in your room?”
Evan opened his mouth.
Claire answered first.
“Not tonight.”
All three boys looked at her.
She smiled faintly.
“Dad needs to sleep.”
Noah’s grip tightened around the bear.
Evan saw it.
“Actually, one night won’t kill me.”
Within fifteen minutes, three mattresses had effectively migrated into Evan’s bedroom through the simple method of the boys carrying blankets and refusing all more complicated logistics.
Claire stood at the bedroom door while Evan settled them.
Noah looked at her.
“Are you sleeping here too?”
The question emptied the room.
Claire shook her head.
“No, honey.”
“Why?”
She glanced at Evan.
He looked at the floor.
“Because Dad and I need some space.”
“You always say there’s too much space in this house.”
Caleb giggled.
Claire laughed quietly.
“That’s true.”
Noah did not.
“Can you say good night?”
Claire came in.
She kissed each boy.
When she reached Noah, he whispered something Evan could not hear.
Claire closed her eyes.
Then she whispered back.
She left without looking at Evan.
The boys fell asleep faster than he expected.
Evan did not.
At one in the morning, he went downstairs.
The house smelled faintly of extinguished candles and cut flowers.
He found Claire in the kitchen drinking water.
She looked at him.
Neither spoke for a moment.
Then she said, “Noah asked if you still loved him.”
Evan gripped the edge of the counter.
“What did you tell him?”
“I said yes.”
“Good.”
“He asked if you still loved me.”
Evan looked at her.
“What did you say?”
“That it wasn’t my question to answer.”
He nodded.
Claire stared into her glass.
“I’m sorry.”
He exhaled through his nose.
“I can’t hear that yet.”
“I know.”
He gave her a look.
She caught herself.
“Sorry.”
A tired laugh escaped him before he could stop it.
Claire almost smiled.
Then neither of them did.
Evan looked toward the dark windows.
“When you slept with Mason, were you trying to get back together with me?”
“No.”
“Were you trying to get with him?”
“No.”
“So it was just damage.”
Claire swallowed.
“Pretty much.”
“And when I came back?”
“I wanted you.”
“Even after him?”
“Yes.”
“Did you love him?”
“No.”
“Did he love you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“That is somehow more insulting.”
“I know.”
He looked at her.
She pressed her lips together.
He rubbed his face.
“Did you ever wish they were his?”
Claire’s eyes widened.
“No.”
“Not once?”
“No.”
“Did you ever look at them and know?”
“I suspected.”
“When?”
Her voice became smaller.
“Noah first.”
“Why?”
“He has Mason’s ears.”
Evan almost laughed.
“His ears.”
“I told myself I was imagining it.”
“Caleb?”
“The way he sleeps with his hand under his chin.”
“Owen?”
Claire looked toward the ceiling.
“He smiles like your mother.”
“That doesn’t answer the question.”
“I know.”
He waited.
“Owen was the one who made me believe maybe I was wrong.”
May you like
Evan leaned against the counter.
“That’s why you refused testing.”
