Chương 13
“I owe you an apology I haven’t given.”
“You’ve given several.”
“I know.”
“That sounded rude.”
“It was accurate.”
Claire waited.
Daniel looked toward the school entrance.
“I spent a long time apologizing for consequences.”
She said nothing.
“My job. The video. The money. The boys being angry. Vanessa leaving.”
“Vanessa didn’t leave. There was nowhere legal for her to leave from.”
Daniel winced.
“Fair.”
Claire almost apologized.
She did not.
He continued.
“I kept talking like everything happened because I made one bad choice.”
“It was more than one.”
“Thousands.”
The parking lot lights clicked on.
Daniel looked at her.
“I killed you because it was easier than admitting I was married.”
Claire’s chest tightened.
He had never said it that plainly.
“I turned you into a dead woman for someone else so I could feel like a different man.”
She looked away.
“I don’t need this.”
“I know.”
“Then why are you saying it?”
“Because for a long time I wanted you to tell me I wasn’t the person who could do that.”
Claire turned back.
Daniel’s eyes were wet.
“I kept trying to get forgiveness before I had finished admitting what I wanted forgiveness for.”
A family walked between them and the parking lane.
A little boy dragged a violin case.
His mother told him to lift it.
Daniel waited until they passed.
“I loved you,” he said.
Claire’s jaw tightened.
“I know.”
“I loved Vanessa too.”
“I know.”
“That doesn’t make it better.”
“No.”
“I think I used love as proof I wasn’t selfish.”
Claire looked at him.
“That sounds like therapy.”
He smiled sadly.
“Probably.”
They stood without speaking.
Then Daniel said, “I’m sorry I made you prove you were alive.”
Claire looked down at her hands.
There it was.
The apology that reached the right wound.
Not wife.
Not money.
Not humiliation.
Existence.
She breathed in.
“I believe you’re sorry.”
Daniel waited.
Claire saw hope rise in him before he could stop it.
She let him have none.
“That isn’t the same as forgiveness.”
“I know.”
“Maybe someday I won’t care enough to decide.”
He nodded.
“That’s fair.”
They walked back toward the auditorium.
At the doors Daniel stopped.
“Claire.”
She looked at him.
“Are you happy?”
The question irritated her immediately.
It sounded like a final line from a movie.
She nearly told him so.
Instead she considered it.
“I’m late for Owen’s concert.”
Daniel smiled.
“Right.”
She opened the door.
Inside, children were tuning instruments badly.
The noise was enormous.
Claire found Nora holding two seats.
Leo waved from three rows away where he sat with a friend’s family.
Daniel entered behind her and moved toward the section reserved for his ticket.
They no longer sat together at school events unless the boys requested it.
Tonight they had not.
Claire sat beside Nora.
“What did he want?” Nora asked.
“To apologize.”
“How original.”
“It was actually a decent one.”
Nora looked offended.
“Don’t tell me that.”
“Sorry.”
“I’ve spent two years maintaining a position.”
“You can keep it.”
“Good.”
The concert began.
Owen played percussion.
He missed one entrance and came in late.
Claire saw his face tighten.
Then he recovered.
Daniel, across the aisle, gave no visible reaction.
Claire was grateful.
Owen finished the piece.
At the end, he looked first toward Claire, then Daniel.
Both applauded.
Not together.
At the same time.
That distinction mattered less than it once had.
Three years after the airport, Vanessa became engaged.
She told Claire before she told most friends.
Claire stared at the photograph Vanessa sent of a small ring on her hand.
For several minutes she did not answer.
Then:
Does he have one wife or should I check county records?
Vanessa called immediately.
“You’re horrible.”
“You laughed.”
“I did.”
“Then I’m not horrible.”
“He knows about Daniel.”
“I would hope so.”
“He knows everything.”
“Poor man.”
“Claire.”
“What?”
“I’m scared.”
Claire sat at her kitchen table.
Owen was upstairs.
Leo was in the backyard throwing a tennis ball against the fence.
“What are you scared of?”
“That I can’t trust my own judgment.”
Claire looked at the oversized San Francisco mug.
She still owned it.
Somehow that had become funny.
“You can’t.”
Vanessa went silent.
Claire continued.
“Neither can I. Nobody can completely.”
“That is terrible advice.”
“It’s realistic advice.”
“I was hoping for something inspirational.”
“Wrong friend.”
Vanessa laughed.
Claire smiled.
“Trust him in pieces,” she said. “See if the pieces keep matching.”
Vanessa became quiet.
“That’s better.”
“Don’t tell anyone.”
Claire attended the wedding.
She almost declined.
Then Owen, twelve by then and suddenly taller every month, said, “That would be weird if you didn’t go.”
Claire stared at him.
“You think it would be weird if I didn’t attend the wedding of Dad’s accidental ex-wife?”
Owen shrugged.
“You’re friends.”
“Life has ruined your definition of weird.”
“Probably.”
The wedding was small.
Vanessa wore a simple ivory dress.
Her new husband, Marcus, cried before she reached him.
Claire sat in the third row beside Nora.
Nora looked around.
“This is objectively insane.”
“Quiet.”
“I’m just saying.”
“I know.”
“Does Daniel know you’re here?”
Claire looked at her.
“Why would I tell Daniel where I am?”
“Excellent point.”
During the vows Claire felt an ache she had not expected.
Not for Daniel.
For the woman she had been when promises sounded like guarantees.
Vanessa did not promise forever.
Neither did Marcus.
They promised specific things.
To tell the truth even when it changed the room.
To ask before assuming.
To come home emotionally, not just physically.
Claire rolled her eyes at that one and then cried anyway.
At the reception Vanessa found her near the dessert table.
“You came.”
“You invited me.”
“I thought you might invent a work emergency.”
“I considered it.”
Vanessa hugged her.
For the first time, Claire hugged back without thinking about Gate 42.
That surprised her enough that she held on another second.
May you like
Later Vanessa’s father asked how they knew each other.
Both women froze.
